Child taking things what should I do?

Callistemon
I think that’s a good idea, she certainly sounds like she needs some kindness, and some one to treat her like the child that she is, not the unpaid nanny.

You could try the tactic of giving her some pocket money if she comes to visit you, and a pretty purse to keep it in.

You could say nothing about the missing money or perhaps just say you think it would be nice if she had some pocket money to spend as she likes.

Sadly, those of you who have suggested that she is an unhappy child are probably not too far off the mark.

She has had a parenting role over her younger siblings since she was very small; putting the younger ones to bed regularly from the age of five onwards. It has always made us so sad that she has never had the childhood she should have had.

I will try to tread carefully and not make too much of it. She has been a bit light fingered since she was about eight and I have always felt that this has been a sign of her being unsettled.

My heart breaks for her, but I am worried, an eight year old taking things is one thing, but if she carries on as she goes to ‘big school’ she might not be given the same amount of leeway. (It’s not just us she takes thing from).

I will tread carefully, encourage her to continue coming and continue to work towards being the stabilising influence we have always tried to be.

They're not just things, they're your things and perhaps she wants to take them because they give her comfort.

The adults around her are making decisions which are out of her control and at least she can gain a little control over her own life by doing this.
Poor girl

I would have let her take some things home if she wanted to, I can’t see the problem.

She sounds like rather a sad little girl, you probably need to make some allowances.

As for the money, you can’t be sure, so I definitely wouldn’t bring that up.

Sounds like you had a lovely day, she probably deserves a bit of spoiling.

My first thought is that she wants something of you to keep with her, rather as a comforter

I thought this too.

I've got a Teddy which I won in a raffle and he stays in the bedroom where the youngest GC sleeps if she stays. She often wanted to take him home but brought him back the next time she came, only for him to go back with her again. I think he was her link with us.
Your step-DGD has had some upheavals in her life and needs some reassurance and comfort, perhaps 'your' toys may help to do that.

You could try telling her that she can borrow them but could she bring them back when she visits again, then she may have the reassurance that she will see you again. I hope you are able to maintain the relationship.

As for the money - possibly attention-seeking. Negative attention is better than none at all.

I agree that your granddaughter is troubled Mamma66 and its best not to make a big issue out of this. However at 10 she is old enough to know that stealing is wrong and actions have consequences. Talk to her about it next time she visits and let her know this is not thet way to deal with her problems. In the meantime don't worry about it too much, a lot of children go through phases like this.

Children who take things are trying to find the love they need. She sounds mixed up and unhappy. I was an unhappy child and I remember taking money out of my mum's purse. I don't know if she realised it was me. She's 10 her life hasn't been easy and perhaps she is just testing you. I'd make her aware that you know she was sneaking things out (perhaps not the money if you aren't certain) but don't make a huge thing about it. Perhaps get some little things that you can give her to take home. 10 year old girls love little things like rubbers and small stationery items. She's not going to grow into a major criminal because she takes a few things. I do wonder has anyone talked to her about how things got so bad? If you could just explain that you and her daddy have always loved her (without condemning her mother) it might help her.

I don’t see why she can’t take her toys with her if she wants to I realise you have brought them for her to use at your house but does it matter in the grand scheme of things
Make sure you don’t leave any money around when she’s at yours she may be troubled from what has been going on I wouldn’t make too much of it this time

Mamma66 - please don’t make a big thing of it, but gently explain things to her. My little 4 year old granddaughter once ‘stole’a pencil from her teacher’s desk and shoved it down her tights. Her Mum and Dad were going through a difficult time ( ended in divorce). So perhaps it was affecting her in that way. We had a word with her and nothing like that has happened since. She is a super 18 year old now ?

Agree with Septimia as well. My DGS2 likes to take something from our house with him when he leaves - he is 4. It's always brought back the next time he comes. I think it is a comfort thing with him and he sees us 2/3 times a week.

You can't really prove she has taken the money so in future keep money in a safe place somewhere else.
About the toys, the ones that are hers she should be able to take but not sneak them away. The ones that are yours should be returned to you. She is perhaps quite troubled by the the split, being allowed to see your son then not and is still very young so probably don't make a big thing but do speak to your son about it. The problem is that she has said she doesn't want to see him and if you make any issue out of it then you might also be prevented from seeing her. I'm so sorry - it is a very difficult situation for you. I would add that this kind of thing is very common in children.

My first thought is that she wants something of you to keep with her, rather as a comforter. She may be feeling a bit unsettled at the moment and wants something to cling on to. Or maybe she doesn't have much at home or is very unhappy.

My instinct would be to leave it for the moment but to have a very gentle word with her next time you get to see her. Don't tell her off, ask why she needed the things she took and whether she is worried about anything.