What I would tell my 20 year old self if I could

I was married with children at 20 so I think I'd have needed to have a conversation with myself before then...

Not really though as I don't regret any of it

My lovely dad asked me if I was sure about getting married when we were on the way to the church ,he said if you have any doubts we'll turn round ,go home and never mention it again
Oh Norah I wish mine had said that, or that I’d have had the courage of my convictions.

Ditto Borrheid55 !!

You are NOT fat! Stop fretting about how you look because in forty years time you’ll look at photos and realise what a cracker you were and how sad that you didn’t think so.

Don’t marry him! I married aged 20 yrs 2 mths.

That's lovely paddyann.

My mum told me I was too young to get married a the age of 19. She was wrong and we're very happy; 42 years now. It hasn't been easy but like you, we've got through the bad times together.

"Marriage when it's right is the most amazing part of life" absolutely.

paddyann54

Unlike many here I would be happy to do things exactly the same way.Engaged at 20 married 7 months later at 21 ,my OH had just turned 20, days before the wedding.
We knew what we wanted to do and did it .4 months after the wedding we started a business witha £250 loan from OH's granny.We sttopped trading due to covid 45 YEARS later ,Had other businesses along the way too.

Have two wonderful children wth hearts of gold and 5 fantastic GC.
Of course we've had hard times ,had a struggle to have those 2 children ,9 pregnancies,our business burned down
by an arsonist in 1985 and had to build new premises ,and did it within two weeks while keeping the jobs covered with the help of great friends .

Being a team got us through a lot of very tough times .We've worked together every day and lived together .Marriage when its right is the most amazing part of life .

My lovely dad asked me if I was sure about getting married when we were on the way to the church ,he said if you have any doubts we'll turn round ,go home and never mention it again .I told him then ,and I had only known my OH exactly a year to the day,that I would never be more sure about anything or anyone .
I still feel the same .

I feel the same.

Married at 16, still happily married at 77.

I'm with MOnica. Doubt I'd have listened, but I might've been more attent.

....

A kind colleague told me that I was just as good as everyone else and a good deal better than some - I was listening but found it hard to believe.

My parents' generation didn't give too much praise as they thought it would lead to us getting big-headed. When I had a problem at work Dad said a similar thing but after hearing negative things for the first sixteen years that was hard to believe too. I felt like asking him why he'd left it so late and that the damage had already been done.

Luckily, I've become more confident over the decades, but it's taken a very long time.

Lovely story Paddyann
I married into a family business, still working there with my husband and three children.
It’s given us a decent living, and we have had a lot of laughs along the way..
But although I realise I’ve been lucky, it wasn’t what I wanted for myself, from being so focused, I managed to mess everything up, lack of guidance, but ultimately down to me.

That's lovely, paddyann

Being a team got us through a lot of very tough times
I think that is something we all hope for and I think I can say the same for us too.

However, I'm not sure that I could have worked with DH as well!

Unlike many here I would be happy to do things exactly the same way.Engaged at 20 married 7 months later at 21 ,my OH had just turned 20, days before the wedding.
We knew what we wanted to do and did it .4 months after the wedding we started a business witha £250 loan from OH's granny.We sttopped trading due to covid 45 YEARS later ,Had other businesses along the way too.

Have two wonderful children wth hearts of gold and 5 fantastic GC.
Of course we've had hard times ,had a struggle to have those 2 children ,9 pregnancies,our business burned down
by an arsonist in 1985 and had to build new premises ,and did it within two weeks while keeping the jobs covered with the help of great friends .

Being a team got us through a lot of very tough times .We've worked together every day and lived together .Marriage when its right is the most amazing part of life .

My lovely dad asked me if I was sure about getting married when we were on the way to the church ,he said if you have any doubts we'll turn round ,go home and never mention it again .I told him then ,and I had only known my OH exactly a year to the day,that I would never be more sure about anything or anyone .
I still feel the same .

at 20 i was married and had 2 children if i could go back i would of preferred to have stayed single after getting pregnant at 16 and marrying the father and bought my child up alone without my mothers constant spitefull words and lived away from where i lived and got a new life

Don't marry so young .I was already married by 20. Establish your career first. You can pursue your dream of being a engineer . I wasn't allowed to , but I should have fought a bit more. Don't fit into the female set role so easily. Travel abroad more .

Gabriella
Same here, I was such a child when I left home, knew nothing, experienced nothing, and there were suddenly no rules.
Could never end well.

Sarah1954.... I think I was following in your footsteps 2 years later! I went down all the wrong roads and stepped in all the cr4p I possibly could have! As a child I now feel that complete lack of guidance care or even concerns for me from those who should have cared meant I was adrift in a dangerous world.

FoghornLeghorn

Learn to love yourself. Don’t be brainwashed in thinking you must have a man to be happy.

Oh my lord!¡ How many of us sleepwalked I to marriage because "it's what you do" sliding from home to marriage without any time to find out who we actually were?
I married at 20, it sounds pubescent nowadays!! I do think our gen was short changed big style by Victorian and outdated ridiculous moralistic mantras. As a Catholic child I had ZERO chance of even spending a weekend away with boyfriends even my DH (as he tried out to eventually be!) So when I started living the married life , I hadn't a clue who I was living with!! And NO clue who I as supposed to be either! Crazeeeee!!

"leave your past where it is-in the past, the future is something you can control and change, the past is not"

Same as kitty. No one gave me advice...It wasn't that I didn't listen, it wasn't there. No one told me I was good enough.

I'd tell my 20+ .......
Listen to your doubts and don't marry him because you don't want to hurt him. You'd eventually leave him anyway.
Stay in your good civil service job that you loved with the good pension and don't go with him to his job abroad that he wasn't going to be able to keep anyway.
Learn to say No.
Ask your parents about their young lives.
Learn to drive sooner and get your own car as it will widen your options.

Learn to love yourself. Don’t be brainwashed in thinking you must have a man to be happy.

Norah

Have confidence in yourself and your abilities.

Yes, that and
Be brave
Take the plunge
Travel more

Ditch the boyfriend
( Reader I married him ).
Big mistake. Huge.
Oh dear, eazybee

I did ditch the boyfriend, it was difficult and I felt very guilty but it was a good decision because I'd just met DH!
Is it stupid to still hope the ex-boyfriend had a happy life?

Too many mistakes had already been made by twenty, I would need to go back to fifteen, when I left home.

I would say, you have a dream, you think you can make it happen, don’t be sidetracked.

It is neither shameful nor embarrassing nor to have had sex, or taken drugs.

Don’t spend your life trying to impress your parents, it will never work, do things for yourself

Listen to all those people who believe in you, and who have helped you, don’t let them down

And finally, enjoy life, don’t feel you have to fit in, be nicer to people who don’t fit in.

You know, I could shake that girl who was me, if there was a wrong way of doing it, I did it.

I would say don't get pregnant at 15, work bloody hard in school n I would be a PT instructor in the RAF n not go near any men in till much later in life....but then I wouldn't have my children n my beautiful grandchildren so I would probably say don't worry about saying no to anybody if your not happy with something....I've said yes far too much n it hasn't done me any favours tbh

Thank you ForeverAutumn and Urms.

Ooh and live every day as if it’s your last not so sure about that TwiceasNice ... I’d be exhausted by Sunday.
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