Separation anxiety

It is very common but nursery staff will be used to it and normally the child settles after the person dropping off has gone. Most nurseries will text the parent to let you know they have settled so that might be an option.

After many years in nursery schools and day nurseries , I am a great believer in gradual entry. I recognize how difficult that is when patents ate working. When the time comes to leave the child give her something of yours to ' look after for me till I come for you". A small scarf maybe. Some children do take time , separation anxiety is absolutely normal behaviour for many children!

As you say Norah - it’s what works for each individual family. It does seem from most posts that you are indeed in the minority here. My SiL already works silly shifts - one that should end at midnight can often go on to 3 or 4am, so he’d have been about as much use as a chocolate fireguard looking after a baby the next day. As Hithere also points out lots of Mums want to go back to work, not only for the money.

Georgesgran

You are probably right Norah but it’s a different World now. There were very few Nurseries (in my day) that would take babies, so children had to be 3 before they could start LA nursery and then either mornings or afternoons, never both where I lived. Nowadays, there’s pressure on Mums to get back to work, after (usually) a period of unpaid maternity leave. Most families now need both incomes, even after paying substantial Nursery fees - I know my DDs do and DD1 earned more than her husband.

I assume you're correct for you and yours.

I've long contended people can do without extras that 2 incomes provide, one&half incomes, at best, after nursery fees, tax, commute costs).

Rather one could work 2 shifts, nights, weekends or they could be on alternate shifts (thus no childcare).

Debate I won't win, but I find "different world" not a compelling reason for both parents working, yet some do find the logic reasonable.

Personal preferences.

My daughter struggled with going to nursery when she was one ten years ago. What helped her settle more was me taking her into the quieter room where the coats were stored, and telling her I would be back after teatime. So she knew exactly when to expect me. She has always struggled with transitions.

LovelyCuppa

Blondiescot

She'll get used to it. Nurseries are more than capable of dealing with situations like this. This is often what happens when mums won't let baby go to anyone else...

How do we know the mum hasn’t been spending a lot of time trying to socialise baby!

I didn't say she hadn't - it said it was 'often' what happens. I went back to work full time when both of my children were three months old, so they quickly got used to being around other people - adults and children. My SIL, on the other hand, wouldn't let her daughter go anywhere without her and she turned into a very clingy child who had terrible problems settling into nursery and primary school.

It isn't new anyway. I went to full time day nursery from 2 and half because my mum was ill.This was just after WW2 when there was more state nursery provision than at any time since, because the government wanted women to work. Lots of the other children were without fathers for one reason or another. They all closed down in the '50s.

Well, its a reality that it's needful to be done. Its not reasonable to speculate on whether mum has done this or that right as we don't know them really well, but I think the "do it gradually" and " bring along the comfort blanket" from above all makes sense.

I do think that children benefit from other being around them. Learning they aren't the centre of mums universe. Just gently as possible and choose a nursery that copes well with this reality. Frankly, comparing myself with my much younger sister and brother, I wish I had gone to nursery. Learning love is sharing. But with lots of reassurance of course.

1 point for N0rah

Also, some women DO want to return back to their professional careers, it is not forced based on finances

You are probably right Norah but it’s a different World now. There were very few Nurseries (in my day) that would take babies, so children had to be 3 before they could start LA nursery and then either mornings or afternoons, never both where I lived. Nowadays, there’s pressure on Mums to get back to work, after (usually) a period of unpaid maternity leave. Most families now need both incomes, even after paying substantial Nursery fees - I know my DDs do and DD1 earned more than her husband.

My DGS has just started creche, he was 9 months old started with 1 hour a few days then progressed up to 4 hours then done a full day for a week before his mum went back fully to work just in case, he hadn't had much contact with others either adults or children before but he has settled down and they have been great in encouraging him to play and try different foods . He was unsure at first but know gives the staff a big smile when he sees them even held his arms out to go in the other day.

It must be upsetting for her Volunteer. I often think how lucky I was to have been a stay at home mum until both boys were in full time education.

Have you tried something for her to take with her? A soft toy or comfort blanket. Some think that if mum keeps the object close to her so that it smells of her it is a great source of comfort especially at nap time.

My daughter in law does let her go to other people in fact encourages it all to no avail. She has a brother and hae was never like this. She is also having trial days at nursery. In an ideal world my daughter in law would not be returning to work yet but they have a large mortgage and as we all know things are getting more expensive

DGS2 had a lengthy introduction to Nursery - a couple of hours a few times with Mummy/Daddy there, a couple of hours without, then another few short stays included lunch.
He still has a few tears sometimes on handover, but still waves bye bye over the Helper’s back. Pictures they send throughout the day show him playing and also interacting with the animals.

LovelyCuppa

Blondiescot

She'll get used to it. Nurseries are more than capable of dealing with situations like this. This is often what happens when mums won't let baby go to anyone else...

How do we know the mum hasn’t been spending a lot of time trying to socialise baby!

Mum is probably already doing best by her child. We didn't leave 1 year olds. No positives separating children from parents before they are well ready.

Just my thoughts.

DS was exactly the same Sparklefizz at the same age and I was given the same advice with the same result.

My daughter was 3 when she started what was playschool in those days, and she cried and cried.

They told me that she was fine once I'd gone but I didn't believe them, so it was suggested that I hide behind a tree outside and watch. I did this. My daughter immediately stopped crying once I was out of sight and ran off cheerfully to play with the others!

It is a normal phase

Gradual integration will help, the nursery will know how to manage it

Could I just add that it’s really not good that the baby won’t go anywhere away from her mum and I think this will happen more and more with mums that won’t let their child be touch, kissed or interacted with
The best thing that can happen is that she goes to nursery and gets used to being confident with other faces and arms

True that they get used to it.
My DS when he started nursery, so long ago, would stop crying when he could no longer see me (I hid and listened at the advice of the nursery staff). I still felt awful leaving him, but a bit less.

Blondiescot

She'll get used to it. Nurseries are more than capable of dealing with situations like this. This is often what happens when mums won't let baby go to anyone else...

How do we know the mum hasn’t been spending a lot of time trying to socialise baby!

It's certainly beneficial for simple socialisation to begin sooner rather than later Blondiescot.

She'll get used to it. Nurseries are more than capable of dealing with situations like this. This is often what happens when mums won't let baby go to anyone else...

I agree Sparklefizz a gradual introduction to the nursery and time with people other than her Mum.
Nursery staff are used to dealing with these problems I would imagine. Covid must have made this sort of anxiety worse.