Relocation

I’ve sent a PM.

I moved to Somerset at the end of October 2019, - had so many wonderful plans for that first summer living in a seaside town - all of which crashed down with Covid.

I did know WsM before I moved here, as one of my AC had lived here for twenty years, but it was still an large step from my London suburb home - where I had lived for the previous fifty five plus years.

I discovered, when I retired - that it is extremely difficult - make new friends when we get older, friendships are largely based on so many joint memories. My two closest friends had both died within a year of each other, one just before and one just after my retirement.

I settled for just getting to know people and joining different groups, rather than looking for actual 'friends'. u3a here has been wonderful and I have something to go to every weekday.

Many other people in these are by themselves, also - and slowly one or two emerge as people I would like to get to know more - so, suppose a sort of friendship is slowly occurring with these. Taking it very slow, occasional cup of coffee invite outside of the meetings, invite to lunch between two such group meeting. Do not think will ever make a close friendship again though. I am very happy here and will never, ever move again.

I have written on another thread about my Brother and Sister-in-law, who did an Escape to the Country some six years back with totally disastrous results. All the things they stated they had wanted were there, - lovely house, darkness, quiet, became the very things they hated. Have just had to spend a great deal of money moving back to the NW London area they then left with all the noise and bustle of London.

I think I said in a similar post last week we moved 10 years ago to this village. I have been in three houses for coffee and had three people regularly in mine . The one person my age has left and a friendly couple who moved in just before covid are moving out.
I would move to where your daughters are suggesting. I have plans if or when I am on my own I am moving on the suggestion of DDS to be near one of them or even before if we are not able to cope our two selves.

' or behind the scenes '. (Sorry, pressed button too soon.)

m13ckm you moved at a difficult time. Lots of things would be closed or cancelled in your area due to Covid. Our village hasn't completely opened up again and we have cancelled things due to rising cases. Maybe next year will be better. Is there a WI you could join? I find I get to know neighbours more by working together, not just attending events. This is the time to join the Coronation Committee and you will soon be sewing bunting and planning menus. Or maybe there is a drama group which could use you, on the stage ordering the scenes.

After our move, and on reading other comments on here, I really wonder if all those 'Escape to the Country', rural idyll, working from home in the sticks type shows and dreams are just a story we humans tell ourselves. The grass isn't always greener. There's a lot to be said for the place and people you know and access to facilities.
Perhaps that's just my interpretation though.

We moved just over a year ago to an area not far from where we lived and brought our children up for over forty years.
Unfortunately it had become very built up and very difficult neighbours moved in next door
We are now in an area not too far away which we have always known and liked.
But oh dear, it so unfriendly. We don't even see our neighbours from one week to another and they have no interest in getting to know us. I used to chat to people at the bus stop in our old area but no one wants to talk here. Luckily I am still in touch with old friends but oh how I miss day to day contact.

We too moved to a market town in the South West just pre-covid. We'd just retired and chose a place we knew very well from a lifetime of holidays. We thought it would be relaxed, sociable and a good place to contribute to the community. Living there was very different from visiting. We were so lonely, isolated and missed the buzz, culture, energy, optimism, connectivity, youth and vibrancy of the city. The winters there were worst - were long, cold, empty, dark and lonely.

We tried to make friends, but just found we couldn't. As youngish, retired city people were very different from the people who had either stayed in a small town all their life, or who had moved there for the isolation, peace and quiet life. What was perfectly right for them did not suit us...neither way wrong, just different. We could not make it work.

Society there seemed very structured, class driven almost and you needed several generations in the church yard before you were accepted. We both did voluntary work, joined in with activities and tried to socialise with neighbours. It was like hitting your head against a wall and we were starting to get down about it.

Two months ago we moved back to our home city. The feeling of belonging is wonderful, the joy of waking up every morning with all the facilities of the city at our fingertips is overwhelming and everything feels cheerful, right and easy. We weren't finished with the city, we just needed time away to appreciate all it has to offer.

I'd say don't stay where you're not happy and fulfilled, life is too short. I'm sure you'll make the right decision for you.

It is harder to make new friends as one gets older. A close community is difficult to break into but it is possible. In our village if you haven’t been there for at least twenty years you are a new comer. In the past, I have started a couple of groups myself by advertising in the village newsletter. Several others who had moved to the area joined and now I have lots of friends, not really close ones but people of like interests and diverse ages. Just choose something you love doing whether it be walking, cycling, gardening, writing, poetry, music. It is so much easier when you have a common interest. There are usually volunteering jobs, the one I did was so interesting and it was nice to help people. The friendliest group I joined was the amdram group, not to act but I loved painting scenery and sewing costumes and they all were so welcoming. I was granny chaperone to all the youngsters, it kept me in touch with younger generations. Keep trying, you will succeed but it takes effort to achieve this.

If it’s any comfort OP, I am doing the same although not returning ‘home’. 5 years in a beautiful Cotswold village where I thought the World would be my oyster. I’ve tried and given my all. Neighbours who just about acknowledge me (but all came to a party I gave when I decided I had to make the first move). The weird thing is they now tell me I’ll be missed despite making no effort to welcome me with so much as a cup of tea . I’ve made some very good friends in the next village but moving there is not an option for various reasons. So, I’ve made the big decision, sold the house and am moving even further south right by the sea and 5 minutes from DD3. DD1 who I originally moved to be near has also encouraged me to do this. Fingers x’d I’ll find my happy place. Maybe being a widow/a lone woman has something to do with it? ?

I don't think all rural areas are lonely. Our village has masses of activity and a beautiful hall. People who move here are staggered by the number of things there are to join.

m13ckm I have sent you a PM.

I would look after no.1 and I am not sure if I would move back to the place I had left.

You are getting older, you will not always be able to drive so I would look for somewhere close to shops, GP, a dentist and also keep in mind you do not want to travel 90 miles as a friend of mine does when she needs hospital care.

Rural areas are fine if you are fit and can drive but as you have discovered, also lonely. Good luck.

I would move, you have given it long enough to settle in and you have not.

Before you go back though I would think about the reasons you moved in the first place and whether moving back to where you came from is the answer or maybe try a whole new area.

Settling on to a new area is always difficult, especially if it is a bit out of the way. And the whole covid thing will have set that process back.

Do you have the company of a partner or are you on your own?

I live in a rural setting too, but am surrounded by people who I know and lots of village activity. And 2 of my DDs are only 20 minutes away. I love living here, but I do not think I would be happy if it were not for friends and family nearby.

A difficult decision for you.