AIBU to not want to pick up disruptive Grandson from School.

I'm sorry you are finding DGS hard to like at the moment.
This thread has brought back memories for me!
I had 3 sons and stopped having birthday parties for them in the house when at DS3's 7th party his pals were jumping on the table!
DD was the youngest and her parties were far more civilised - the girls played games and were charming.

I think it would be best to stop having both children after school. The fact that you want to "tap" him is alarming. You are letting unimportant things wind you up - mucky headrest in car is nothing! Talking about willies, boobies, etc. is normal, healthy behaviour for a little boy! My MIL once really shouted at my daughter when she was 3 for making digestive biscuit crumbs on her dining table - I've never forgotten that!!

When driving my grandchildren to school every morning became intolerable, I told my daughter I wouldn’t do it anymore.
The two youngest would fight, scream at each other, throw things, and nothing I said or did made any difference.
I was still very involved with them, and am always happy to drive them separately, even sometimes together, but I won’t do the school run.
I don’t think your grandson sounds too unusual, I think in my limited experience, that boys need to let off some steam after school, pop to the park on the way home, let them run around for a while.

For your own mental and physical health you need to ask yourself some questions. What do my son and daughter in law say? How different is discipline now from when I was a child? What impact is this school run having on me personally? Have you tried talking to the boy and saying that it makes you sad when he behaves like that and ask him why he does it? Explain the effects it has on you and your car. From my primary school teaching days I used the words 'expectation' and the 'naughty' boys would know that I was on their side but had expectations of them. You may be surprised how he rises to them. Also, I would observe what 'methods' the other grandparents use. Do they have a 'stare' or some other form of expectation? Be firm, fair, and have low consequences as punishment i.e. you won't get that outing to the park if you behave like that. Good luck!

Usernametaken I've sent you a PM

I do sympathize, however your GS is well aware that you favour his sister. How about taking him out at the weekend - just him , and see if his behaviour changes, certainly a try.
As for his interest in boobs and his willy , he will grow out of that . Give him undivided attention, a few treats and see if his attitude changes . As for hitting him - NO NO NO!!

Sounds to me like he is very normal 6-year old lad.
I used to run a children's gymnastic club and the first class commecning at 4 pm had 5-7 year old being brought direct from school. All of them we so full of energy and needing to be 'naughty' having spent the day at school being 'good'. And on days when there had only been 'wet play' at school all this behavior was very much increased.

Sounds a great, normal child - would be slightly more concerned about your g.daughter who is too good to be true - which can be worrying.

As for wanting to hit (tap) that little boys, says more about you than anything. Exactly what would that achieve except to teach him that it is correct to use physical violence against anyone smaller and more vulnerable.

For heavens sake, what is more important - this child or your precious car? Put a cover on your headrests, take him somewhere where he can run, jump and generally let off steam.

It is said that a well-adjusted child is the one who behaves well for strangers (eg: teachers), and badly for those they know and trust will still love them. Some Concern for achild who behaves badly for all carers, regardless of whom they are, but most concern for a child who behaves impeccably for all adults all of the time.

Have you ever tried talking to this lad about his school day - with genuine interest or even having one of his school friends to come back with him for tea with you???

Have you tried talking to the boy and saying that it makes you sad when he behaves like that and ask him why he does it

When our DC were small, I had a lovely, gentle friend who had two boys. The older one was very badly behaved, the younger quiet and sweet-natured.
She used to say things like "If you knew how much you upset Mummy, you wouldn't do that".
Of course he knew he was upsetting Mummy and he just carried on being disruptive.

It is said that a well-adjusted child is the one who behaves well for strangers (eg: teachers), and badly for those they know and trust will still love them

That is very true.

I was always relieved to hear that my DC were well-behaved if they visited friends' houses, even though they could be little so and so's when they came home.

My eight year old grandson can be nightmare, but he’s the most affectionate, always greeted with a big hug, and spontaneously saying he loves me, he’s the one who will snuggle up to watch a film.
I always try to give him attention, watching football, which I hate, playing games with him, but still sometimes he loses the plot, and I end up yelling, but I love him to bits, and we always have a talk, and make friends.

I also think it's important to let them know that they are always loved, no matter what. You can make it clear that you might not like how they are behaving at that particular time, but you will always love them.

I had a phrase I used with my children: "It's a good thing I love you!" - it sent two messages - one, I am not happy with your behaviour, and 2, I love you.

Callistemon21

^Have you tried talking to the boy and saying that it makes you sad when he behaves like that and ask him why he does it^

When our DC were small, I had a lovely, gentle friend who had two boys. The older one was very badly behaved, the younger quiet and sweet-natured.
She used to say things like "If you knew how much you upset Mummy, you wouldn't do that".
Of course he knew he was upsetting Mummy and he just carried on being disruptive.

I too think this approach may cause more problems than it solves. The idea that a child can 'make' an adult feel sad, upset, hurt is a heavy burden to place on them. It is up to the adult how he/she reacts to anything, and we can choose how we react. There is a lot of excellent advice on this thread, so I would leave out the 'it makes me sad' approach.

choughdancer, I agree. At that young age, they have a need to express themselves - sometimes with 'bad' behaviour - and don't deserve to have guilt added to their emotional load. Some kids find it relatively easy to behave well, most of the time. Others simply find it impossible, so need gentle guidance (and good humour) not harsh punishments. Don't compare them to others, as you never know the truth about what happens behind closed doors. As a teacher, I worried about the angelic ones quite a lot.

"Exactly what part of NO don't you understand?" sometimes worked with one DC, but she was a bit older by then.

Try removing shoes when they get in the car. Any disruption stop the car, park safely and tell them not moving until quiet and well behaved. If it doesn't work get out and make them walk. Have a small treat and tell them both it's going in the bin if they don't behave - for both of them. Treat them the same and rely on peer pressure.
Don't drive if he's kicking the seats and causing a fuss it is very unsafe even dangerous.
If this doesn't work refuse to pick up from school. It's your licence if they distact you and cause an accident.

My son was obsessed with what his sister called his"spare part" as soon as could sit up and see it.We used to laugh that he thought it was elasticated .He downright refused to sit on a potty ,he needed to stand up like daddy and told anyone who would listen that daddy had a HUGE willie and SHOOK SHOOK SHOOK it.But when he shook his he splashed everything in sight ..lol.
My parents thought he was hilarious ,they'd never come across a wee boy like him in their lives.
He was the polar opposite of his sister ,who like your GD was artistic ,loved to cook from an early age and happily sat in the car for ages with a book.When he was at his loudest we had a rule ,if you wanted to join the conversation you put your hand up and took a turn...otherwise it was bedlam.Nobody kicked seats .
I hope it goes as well for you as us ,he was the nicest ,most helpful ,cuddliest boy...and still is at 34.His sister on the other hand turned into the devil teenager from hell at 13 ..now I wouldn't wish one of those on anyone.Thankfully it only lasted a few years .

choughdancer

Callistemon21

Have you tried talking to the boy and saying that it makes you sad when he behaves like that and ask him why he does it

When our DC were small, I had a lovely, gentle friend who had two boys. The older one was very badly behaved, the younger quiet and sweet-natured.
She used to say things like "If you knew how much you upset Mummy, you wouldn't do that".
Of course he knew he was upsetting Mummy and he just carried on being disruptive.

I too think this approach may cause more problems than it solves. The idea that a child can 'make' an adult feel sad, upset, hurt is a heavy burden to place on them. It is up to the adult how he/she reacts to anything, and we can choose how we react. There is a lot of excellent advice on this thread, so I would leave out the 'it makes me sad' approach.

I totally disagree. Absolute nonsense. I taught for 25 years in primary and it worked. It is about getting the child to identify the result of their actions. When you have a class of 30 5 years olds and one is nasty to another one of the only ways to get them to be aware that their behaviour is unacceptable is getting them to take on board the effect of their actions on others. I also have a Master degree in Education and taught in a very tough urban environment and this approach was the first we used. So, yes, it does work!

L.Ravencroft
Not sure if it would work between siblings, the more they upset one another, the better.
If I said to child A, you are making child B really sad, they would probably say Good!
But I agree it’s at least worth a try.

I totally disagree. Absolute nonsense. I taught for 25 years in primary and it worked

Just because you disagree does not mean it is nonsense.

The relationship between mother and child is different to that between teacher and pupil. Relationships between siblings is different to those between classmates.

It is about getting the child to identify the result of their actions

Sister is such a good girl - how lovely, everyone praises her. Bad behaviour upsets Mummy (in this case Granny). Negative attention is better than no attention.
Result!

Totally agree callistemom
The problem here is the grandmother is liking one child and putting up with and finding fault with the other, he knows it and is behaving worse for it, in fact proving her right

The BIG clue is he behaves well for the other grandparents

He might behave in the same sort of way with the other grandparents, but they might see him as a normal little boy, just as lovable as his sister, so the behaviour doesn't escalate.

I think some of these comments a bit harsh! OP is just describing the differences between the children.
Around 6 is the age when all children become aware of the differences between the sexes. It can be very irritating to live with, esp in boys. And many children can be pretty trying after school until they've had something to eat.
Agree re taking their shoes off in the car if wear and tear on the upholstery is a worry.

Very true pandapatch
Winterwhite no the original poster is not just describing differences she’s saying she doesn’t get on with the small boy and because of him doesn’t want to pick them up from school
I feel very sorry for this little boy who knows he’s not liked in the same way as his ‘saintly’ sister and obviously will play up

If the granddaughter is happily colouring then play with the little lad get Ludo or Lego or trains out and give him the attention he obviously wants keep him busy give him attention