AIBU to not want to pick up disruptive Grandson from School.

GagaJo - I could have written your posts almost word for word. My GS is 5 and another real handful. There are times when he has me so exhausted and frustrated that I could cry - but I don't, I just look for other ways to distract and amuse him. He literally does not sit still for five minutes - even trying to watch a film, he's bouncing around all over the place. It's not the vision I had when he was born - I saw myself sitting reading to him, doing crafts, all kinds of quieter pursuits, but do you know what? I don't love him any less - I love him for who he is, 100%, and I want him to be able to look back and know that.

Six year olds are not stuck in a classroom on a chair all day; they have plenty of physical activity time built into the school day, and are perfectly capable of managing a car ride home without creating mayhem. My son was collected from nursery then school from the age of four by one or both grandparents, then in their seventies,and never, ever behaved like that; neither did his sister. They were not rude about meals they were given either.
I agree with the suggestion simply to stop the car and refuse to drive until the behaviour stops, and if it persists, refuse to collect him; let the parents either discipline him or make alternative arrangements. It is not safe to drive with a child behaving like this, and I am astonished that so many people seem to accept it as normal behaviour.

I am not sure I would want to have contact with someone who so obviously favours my sibling.

I had only girls and the gang of GSs who arrived were a bit of a revelation. Do not believe anyone who says girls and boys as children are the same - they are not!

My older GSs have all turned into delightful young people and it is hard to remember their monster behaviour when they were in the early primary years!

I pick the youngest up from school with his older sister every week and he does give me a run for my money. But I have never felt like hitting him! - going for a lie down maybe, but not wanting to hit him.

Underneath he is a dear affectionate soul, but just needs the opportunities to show this. And he knows I love him dearly because I tell him all the time.

One of my DGSs fiddled with his genitalia till he was about 9 - his parents very wisely ignored it completely and he gradually got the idea that it was not socially the done thing, but he had not been made to feel guilty or uncomfortable.

The whole topic of poo is endlessly fascinating to little boys.

I think it would be best not to pick them up from school - it is clearly a bad experience for both you and your GS. He knows you do not like him so he rises to the bait and you take it as an insult - he says he does not like your food to make you feel bad, just as you are making him feel bad.

Honestly - just stop picking them up.

So pleased most people on here understand accept and rejoice in wild crazy little boys who love to make weird noises and say rude words, eat everyone out of house and home and jump and run and squeal (some girls do too but I was the quiet little reader or coloured)
It’s all normal
Take his shoes off in the car and take them to the park to let him tire himself out climbing trees or running around with a ball shouting at the top of his little lungs it’ll do the granddaughter good too
Rejoice in his energy and wellness

My thought was 'poor little sausage'.

I think some boys are just wild. Second child thing or boy thing or whatever.
First born children come across as angelic.

But the fact you want to 'tap' a 6 year old because you find him difficult is a big no from me.

You shouldn't pick up either. Especially the boy.

I only had experience of girls before DGS. I hoped for a GD. My DD and neices were all 'lovely' sit down, do creative things types.

My darling grandson is wild. Zero interest in colouring, drawing, arty stuff. He is also the apple of my eye. He doesn't want to do anything quiet and contained. That's fine. He's perfect the way he is.

My grandson is a real handful. He sounds just like your grandson. My grandson is 100% normal.

You do need to establish boundaries with him. I don't know how you do that, all children/grandparents are different. But I can manage my grandson's behaviour to a certain extent. He does need to have some 'run wild' time to run off the energy after being stuck in a classroom and a chair for a day. If I don't build that in, he misbehaves. I also need to have what he is going to do when he gets back to mine after school preplanned. Not doing that leaves room for chaos and problems. So I build in time for the park, or taking him to soft play. Not as a reward or a treat. Because he has to exercise off his energy. Then at home, maybe play dough, or stories, or Lego (and be prepared to play with him).

It's a shame to favour one grandchild so much. Your grandson is probably picking up that your DGD is the favourite. She may be easier, but that doesn't mean he isn't as nice.

I agree with *easybee I collected my own Grandson aged 6 at one stage, and he was cheeky and naughty as well, but he dare not kick the seat while I was driving, also why should this Gran have her car trashed?
If you dont want to collect him dont, let the parents pay for his childcare.

Why on earth would you let a 6 year old saying your dinners horrid upset you

Bluebelle I remember when little boys were invited to DD's age 6 birthday party. When the cake came out they started shouting "that looks yucky, oh, is that poo"? (It was chocolate icing) "not eating that" I said "You won't be wanting any, then?" Of course they did, they all stuffed their faces.

I presume they've all grown up to be responsible citizens now.
(At least one I still know has.)

No, you cannot hit him!

So, you have the golden grandchild and the demon grandchild.
Not surprisingly, you love one but the other one makes you angry.
He must realise this and acts up even more.

Is there a park near school where they can run off some steam before going home?
I remember when DD started school and the little boys ran round the playground at pickup time shouting "Poo", "Boobies" "Willies" and other words they'd discovered were rather rude.
Most grow out of it.

A tip - take his muddy shoes off and put them in a plastic bag in the boot.

I assume that you want to give him a "tap" to show that you disapprove of his behaviour, but the message you give is that it's OK to hit someone, which of course it isn't.
I have raised two boys and now have 2 grandsons, who have all been obsessed with body parts and bodily functions at some stage. They (mostly!) grow out of it.
Find something to love and praise about your little grandson, I bet his behaviour will improve

"would like to hit him (obviously not hard, but you can’t do that any more)."

So you raised your kids like that?

Yes please, do not pick them up from school again - they deserve better

You idolize your gd and evilize your gs

Why on earth would you let a 6 year old saying your dinners horrid upset you He knows you prefer his saintly sister and he’s acting opposite which it perfectly normal He knows very well how you feel about him and he is acting to get your attention He doesn’t care if it’s bad attention he just wants to be elevated into a grandson not a nuisance I feel sorry for him

Taking them both equal snacks does not mean you treat them the same you have an adorable well behaved ‘sitting still’ drawing and colouring little girl and a live wire younger , Willy waving rowdy boy and you really like one a whole lot better than the other and HE KNOWS IT
eazybees have you had no involvement with little boys …to call a 6 year old using Willy boob or bum talk as stupidly offensive is ridiculous

Shoes off for both of them in the car and take them to the park the little chaps been shut up all day having to behave in school he lets off steam when it gets out and it doesn’t fit in with your way at all but you need to relax and have fun with the him

The fact that you want to hit the child means you need to stop taking care of them.

Youll likely get some grief from your son when you tell him, especially when you tell him why (which you should) but you need time away from them to get your dislike under control and attempt to rebuild a relationship.

good luck

Clearly you don't intend to listen to the majority on here. I hope you don't stay in Scotland as it is illegal to give children a 'tap'.

There are some useful ideas here. I would suggest that you pick one that you think you can work with and, most importantly, be consistent. It might take a while for your GS to calm down, but consistency is the key and don't give up. I'm sure he will, in time, turn out to be as lovable as his sister.

Thank you all for your comments.
Pandapatch, when I say I want to hit him, I mean a tap. My children had many when they were naughty and it didn’t do them any harm. They learnt right from wrong, plus respect for other people’s property.

And Bluebelle, I try to treat them the same, and always take treats for them for when they get home from School. He’s exhausting to say the least.

And thanks easybee, you’ve made me feel better.

We had them round for Sunday lunch last week, he said the dinner was horrid, everyone else liked it. Then he said he didn’t like a home made pudding and custard.

He hardly eats anything at home either, preferring jam sarnies or chocolate spread on toast.

I tend to think this is totally normal behaviour for a six year old boy, even our three year old finds his Willy a complete delight. We are trying to teach him gently not to play with it in public. My grandchildren (8 year old girl and 3 year old boy) know nana’s annoyed voice, the little one has even said “I don’t like that voice nana”. When they hear it, they tend to be good. No need for hitting children. Don’t show favouritism, it’s very unkind, I’m sure that’s not your intention, you sound naturally frustrated.

Having raised three sons , and the. Three daughters I can assure you I’ve yet to meet a six year old boy who after a long day of school, isn’t active, wild, and frankly finds nothing funnier than bottoms and boobies and the like. Same seems to hold true for the grands generation. In particular if he behaves for others I’d suffer you change your approach! A snack and some time to enjoy around outside at a park perhaps to get the wiggles out . Of course you can always decline to pick them up any longer but unless you don’t want to see them both regularly anymore the better approach would be to adjust your methods and expectations. Your gs may enjoy a run around too - they’ve been sitting and writing or drawing all day !

We have daughters, granddaughters, great granddaughters - and one grandson. Six year old boys are what they are - they seem to love their willys, showing anyone their willy and touching themselves.

They learn acceptable standards, at some point. Less said is best.

I agree with the previous posters, sounds like you have decided he is a "naughty boy" whereas his sister can do no wrong. Why on earth would you want to hit him, what on earth do you think that would achieve? On a practical level take his shoes off and give him something to do with his hands (small toy etc) and small snack if allowed.

Show him some love, and he’ll show you (and your car ) love and respect back……

Does this boy really do what he is told when with the other grandparents? If so , why?
His behaviour is unacceptable; it is dangerous, stupidly offensive and deliberate, particularly so whilst you are driving. You are right to refuse to tolerate it. You need to have a tough discussion with the parents, and also with the other grandparents if possible, and reach an agreement on what consistent sanctions you will all use, and how this boy is brought to accept limitations on his behaviour.
Otherwise, no picking up. You are not being unreasonable; there are no doubt all sorts of reasons for this behaviour, but whilst you are driving you don't have time to negotiate.

You cannot be serious? You want to hit your grandchild? He's inquisitive and messy and pushing boundaries. You are comparing him unfavourably to your 'perfect' granddaughter who is older and a different personality. Yes, stop picking them up. I can't believe this isn't a reverse.