Telling your adult kids what to do?

Like the card Lucca. A friend told the tale of going back to work after years at home raising three boisterous sons; sitting in a meeting and handed her boss a tissue and said "blow".
Sorry slightly off topic but it is about telling adults what to do

Well done Sparkly1000 mine were also hoping I'd meet a nice Dr, but it might have been more likely if they'd actually supported my education so I would have been in the "right places" instead of pushing me out to work at age 15 Nope, instead I met a philandering abuser!

Still many years on and I've educated myself and married a very nice man. Parents can be very wrong, me included. It's best to let people make their own choices then they can take full responsibility for those.

made me smile Lucca

Of course I tell my children what to they are only 54 and 47 for goodness sake, what do they know .

OnwardsandUpwards
I most definitely would not tell my Children what to do unless they asked and even then I would be diplomatic, luckily they don't ask me often lol. Your friend does sound toxic though perhaps time to say goodbye.

My mother was a master of telling me what I should do.

I divorced my husband in 1994, He was a company director
High earner and adulterer. I was 44 at the time.

The following year, children grown up, I successfully embarked on a nursing career and met a lovely man 17 years younger than myself, he was a supermarket worker.

Mother didn’t approve her words “I was hoping that you would meet a nice doctor”

Well, 27 years on we are still going strong
.
Sometimes mothers are not always right.

I like it Lucca

Advice asked for and help given if required. I saw this birthday card recently and thought it was clever . A bit off piste

Well neither Me nor my Dh would be telling any of our adult children what to do! They might just be telling us where to go!!!! Seriously no

Only profer advice/experience when asked (which is seldom). Friend recently suggested I ask my son a very personal question. I responded 'he is 53' and she withdrew with a smile saying 'gosh you forget, don't you?!'

VioletSky

No, definitely not normal

Not normal for your family. Though it might be normal for others.
Some people like to tell people in an anonymous way what they should do and are quick to tell others including relations what to do when they do not practise it themselves.

It depends on the relationship you have with your adult children. If you are all very open with each other you can say pretty much what you want. If they have been encouraged to say what they think when young then they will when older and you can do the same back. Personally, I would think twice before saying anything but have friends who do without repercussions.

I havent told my friend I am estranged from him because she will blame me. Actually shes a bit toxic.

OnwardandUpward but it made me wonder, how normal is it for someone to TELL their adult child what to do?

It's not normal to tell any adult what to do. It seems difficult to me - to work out how you'd tell a person estranged from you what to do.

Whenever I consider giving the benefit of a lifetime of experience telling my children what to do, I remind myself of how I used to feel when my late Mother, even when very done very kindly, told me what to do. All it did was make me feel resentful and guilty for not doing it. DH however, is not so tactful and will quite bluntly say ' what the hell did you do that for', leaving me to soothe ruffled feathers.

I'm sure my parents worried about things we did but they never once offered "advice" or told us to do it their way.

Its not your life to live ,let them get on with it ,make their own mistakes or as the song says There are no mistakes just lessons to be learned .
Mine have certainly had more than a few "learning experiences " in their time .

Mine are more likely to tell me what to do

One I'd listen to gladly as its legal and sensible, at least.

Tell them what to do? Never! They're middle-aged, parents (and one is a grandad), professionals and own their own homes. If they have ever asked my advice, I've gladly given it, but now they're mostly giving me their advice. They're probably itching to tell me to do this and that, but always manage to restrain themselves and couch their instructions in terms of advice.

Advice and suggestions when asked for Onward from parents to their adult children, and from adult children to their parents.

Thats kind, I think we would say to wrap up, keep warm etc to most people.

I think my friend has controlling parents who TELL her what to do , but Im surprised that instead of realising she's being controlled that she is dishing out what she's recieved. It's sad and strange, but I couldn't take her advice and she wasn't happy!

I dont have children and I took it very ill when my parents attempted to "tell" me what to do. By the time I reached my mid twenties my parents and I were divided by education, social status and outlook. We had almost nothing in common. Their opinions meant no more to me than that of a passing stranger.

I wouldn't tell them what to do, it wouldn't be appreciated, and anyway, what if it was the wrong advice.
Except if they tell me they aren't feeling well. I will say, wrap up warm, don't go out, maybe take some painkillers etc.

I never would.

I am estranged from one of them, but he was trying to tell me what to do and I wouldn't do it because it wasn't legal.

Never tell them what to do. Not if you want to stay on good terms with them.

Thankyou ALL for confirming that it is NOT normal to TELL your adult child what to do.

I will not be telling him anything. Or any of my others. I do not think adult children should be spoken down to or bossed around by their parents. I think only a controlling person would do this.

This is off topic lathrys, but a year ago we were in New York and taking the subway. We have a little experience but our city doesn't have one underground transportation, as many US cities do not.

We were struggling to determine
where to go down the steps as the subways run either north-south or east-west and the steps you take depend on your direction. We, of course, made the wrong choice.

The nice employee my husband asked tried to get us to the right one and we made the decision to go back up the steps and walk the block to the correct one lest we end up in New Jersey on accident.

The very kind employee yelled at us: "WHY YOU WANT TO WALK" in the best New York attitude in the world. Which was funny because he is an immigrant with a thick accent.

We still giggle about my husband being told off about walking in NYC.