Telling your adult kids what to do?

It is not

I do not tell my adult children what to do. I might suggest different ways of doing things but I spend a lot of time with my lips firmly clamped shut. I, too, have an estranged son and none of my friends who know have been as tactless and insensitive as your friend has.

You can make suggestions but don't be surprised if your suggestions are ignored. Might make him think.

No, definitely not normal

Is she real?
I can’t remember the last time I told my AC what to do. And, this is your ‘estranged son’ ? I don’t understand ….

I wouldn’t dream of telling my adult children to do anything. If they asked I might venture an opinion.

My son and daughter might ask my advice or opinion but think they know best really. I think they get their stubbornness from me. I was pretty much the same when I was young. I think it's a way to prove to themselves that they are adults and don't need advice.

Not any more then I would tell my aunt, sister or cousin what to do.

They are adults. While I am still their parent, my responsibility over them ends.

I think, for most people, it is not normal. However, there is a small set of people who believe that is is OK. I doubt that ever ends well for them, but maybe I am wrong.

If I told my daughter what to do, which I never would, she would tell me in no uncertain terms where to get off!

I wouldn't tell my AC what to do - they'd be horrified! Every now and then I might venture an opinion, but only on innocuous things eg where to plant the beetroot.

No point telling them what to do, as they do what they choose,, quite rightly.

I had a friend who had never had children nor been around any much at all, who used to tell me to tell one of my adult, married sons what to do.

It was ridiculous, as he is intelligent and streetwise, is a parent himself and runs his own business!

I kept telling her that I could give an opinion [if asked], tell my viewpoint and then leave it up to him to take advice or not. He can make his own mind up. She just didn't get it.

She was quite a controlling character.

Well, there are plenty of people who do tell others what to do, adult children, husbands, wives, friends , family and work colleagues.
Whether anyone takes notice of them is another matter.

If one of mine was standing on my foot I’d tell them to get off it pdq, but the rest? Nope! They’re grown up and can make the decisions they want. I have no wish to be doing any of the thinking for anyone else, thank you.

If mine ask for advice, I advise, or be honest if I didn’t know. I think the only time I would ‘tell’ would be an emergency situation.

😂😂😂

Although sometimes they tell me 🤔

If any of my three ask for my advice I will give it. Otherwise, no.

The nearest I get is “ Have you thought of…? “

Callistemon21

😂😂😂

Although sometimes they tell me 🤔

Ha, ha. I was in London with my son last week and he was telling me which underground line to get and the best place to change.

I was riding the underground before he was a twinkle in somebody’s eye😬

I have three sons and I know what they’d tell me to do if I tried to tell them!

Only if asked, or an emergency. Comments on news of the kids, always positive.

I think DS and DiL are far more mature than me at times!

This is off topic lathrys, but a year ago we were in New York and taking the subway. We have a little experience but our city doesn't have one underground transportation, as many US cities do not.

We were struggling to determine
where to go down the steps as the subways run either north-south or east-west and the steps you take depend on your direction. We, of course, made the wrong choice.

The nice employee my husband asked tried to get us to the right one and we made the decision to go back up the steps and walk the block to the correct one lest we end up in New Jersey on accident.

The very kind employee yelled at us: "WHY YOU WANT TO WALK" in the best New York attitude in the world. Which was funny because he is an immigrant with a thick accent.

We still giggle about my husband being told off about walking in NYC.

Thankyou ALL for confirming that it is NOT normal to TELL your adult child what to do.

I will not be telling him anything. Or any of my others. I do not think adult children should be spoken down to or bossed around by their parents. I think only a controlling person would do this.

Never tell them what to do. Not if you want to stay on good terms with them.