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Telling your adult kids what to do?

(72 Posts)
Wyllow3 Mon 28-Nov-22 21:54:06

Only if asked, or an emergency. Comments on news of the kids, always positive.

I think DS and DiL are far more mature than me at times!

Harris27 Mon 28-Nov-22 20:59:01

I have three sons and I know what they’d tell me to do if I tried to tell them!

Lathyrus Mon 28-Nov-22 20:58:09

Callistemon21

😂😂😂

Although sometimes they tell me 🤔

Ha, ha. I was in London with my son last week and he was telling me which underground line to get and the best place to change.

I was riding the underground before he was a twinkle in somebody’s eye😬

Cabbie21 Mon 28-Nov-22 20:57:23

The nearest I get is “ Have you thought of…? “

Ladyleftfieldlover Mon 28-Nov-22 20:56:32

If any of my three ask for my advice I will give it. Otherwise, no.

Callistemon21 Mon 28-Nov-22 20:52:54

😂😂😂

Although sometimes they tell me 🤔

Jaxjacky Mon 28-Nov-22 20:14:02

If mine ask for advice, I advise, or be honest if I didn’t know. I think the only time I would ‘tell’ would be an emergency situation.

SueDonim Mon 28-Nov-22 19:59:46

If one of mine was standing on my foot I’d tell them to get off it pdq, but the rest? Nope! They’re grown up and can make the decisions they want. I have no wish to be doing any of the thinking for anyone else, thank you.

eazybee Mon 28-Nov-22 19:11:57

Well, there are plenty of people who do tell others what to do, adult children, husbands, wives, friends , family and work colleagues.
Whether anyone takes notice of them is another matter.

bluebird243 Mon 28-Nov-22 19:07:32

I had a friend who had never had children nor been around any much at all, who used to tell me to tell one of my adult, married sons what to do.

It was ridiculous, as he is intelligent and streetwise, is a parent himself and runs his own business!

I kept telling her that I could give an opinion [if asked], tell my viewpoint and then leave it up to him to take advice or not. He can make his own mind up. She just didn't get it.

She was quite a controlling character.

Allsorts Mon 28-Nov-22 19:07:30

No point telling them what to do, as they do what they choose,, quite rightly.

lixy Mon 28-Nov-22 19:04:40

I wouldn't tell my AC what to do - they'd be horrified! Every now and then I might venture an opinion, but only on innocuous things eg where to plant the beetroot.

Kate1949 Mon 28-Nov-22 19:01:47

If I told my daughter what to do, which I never would, she would tell me in no uncertain terms where to get off!

imaround Mon 28-Nov-22 18:59:03

Not any more then I would tell my aunt, sister or cousin what to do.

They are adults. While I am still their parent, my responsibility over them ends.

I think, for most people, it is not normal. However, there is a small set of people who believe that is is OK. I doubt that ever ends well for them, but maybe I am wrong.

Redhead56 Mon 28-Nov-22 18:54:12

My son and daughter might ask my advice or opinion but think they know best really. I think they get their stubbornness from me. I was pretty much the same when I was young. I think it's a way to prove to themselves that they are adults and don't need advice.

Esspee Mon 28-Nov-22 18:52:57

I wouldn’t dream of telling my adult children to do anything. If they asked I might venture an opinion.

crazyH Mon 28-Nov-22 18:51:06

Is she real?
I can’t remember the last time I told my AC what to do. And, this is your ‘estranged son’ ? I don’t understand ….

VioletSky Mon 28-Nov-22 18:48:21

No, definitely not normal

overthehill Mon 28-Nov-22 18:46:46

You can make suggestions but don't be surprised if your suggestions are ignored. Might make him think.

Grandmabatty Mon 28-Nov-22 18:46:38

I do not tell my adult children what to do. I might suggest different ways of doing things but I spend a lot of time with my lips firmly clamped shut. I, too, have an estranged son and none of my friends who know have been as tactless and insensitive as your friend has.

Hithere Mon 28-Nov-22 18:38:07

It is not

OnwardandUpward Mon 28-Nov-22 18:11:39

I had a conversation with someone over the weekend with a friend who was absolutely determined to tell me that I should TELL my son what to do. (My son who is estranged)

She was clueless enough to not know that my son from a very early age has always resisted doing anything I've ever suggested - but it made me wonder, how normal is it for someone to TELL their adult child what to do?

(Obviously I am not going to TELL anyone what to do because I believe in choices and I don't want anything forced)