Telling your adult kids what to do?

My adult kids don't ask my opinion, probably because they already know it. I might ask their opinion on things technical.

I any of my adult children ask me for my opinion I will give it wether they like it or not is up to them. Most of my family already know my views on most subjects as I have nothing to hide and am quite clear on where I stand on most issues. What they do is up to them.

Juliee

Would you have listened to your own parents telling you what to do, when you were 20, 30, 40, 50? I didn't!

I have been bullied by them and they have tried to control what I do. I have listened to them at times, but then realised that they were giving me the wrong information! Either they didn't know or they were deliberately giving me the wrong info.

I do not any more listen to them. Well, I politely listen and then do what I was going to do in the first place. I wish I had had the courage and wholeness to do that half a lifetime ago.

Would you have listened to your own parents telling you what to do, when you were 20, 30, 40, 50? I didn't!

If my mother had ever told me what to do I can guarantee 1 she would only have tried it once 2 I wouldn't have done it What a ridiculous notion

Can’t really remember telling my two what to do…..I let them make there own mistakes …. Like , undone homework ….do it ….don’t do it. !!!!! Your choice … your take the consequences !…. About 13or 14 I think last time I told them what to do and expected it to happen! Both avoided ….prison ….. police turning up at door…. pregnancies….. fights….drunkenness…. they got their A levelled ….got their degrees all without my ‘guiding hand’. Now they’re good adults …and allow my grandchildren to do the same !! Seems to work NOT bossing people around!

I would never tell my married son what to do. I will make suggestions or give advice. Often goes in one ear and out of the other. But occasionally he will agree with something i say. When he was younger he used to dismiss any suggestions or advice I offered. But then weeks later he would come up with one of my suggestions as if he'd totally come up with it on his own.

Can give advice if you want to ... BUT TELL ... no way ... if someone TOLD you what to do would you do it ! Doubt that very much ! I remember when someone said something to my mom her friend said something ... should have smacked her across the mouth ... may be something similar ... BUT ... if it had happened to them, would they doubt that at all

I rarely even try to give my adult children advice, but have been surprised recently when my two sons asked me for advice about different matters.

Goodness No! Your opinion but only if asked
mine are inclined to advice me nowadays…
and I have to text and let my eldest daughter know I’m home safely if I’ve been out at night … Bless

I would not dream of telling anyone over the age of 18 what to do, and even those under that age, and working under me, I have, except in very exceptional circumstances, asked to do things, rather than told them to.

Obviously, if the house is on fire, I probably will tell my husband to get up, grab some clothes and his visa card and one cat, while I grab the other, my visa card and my phone.

In any less dire circumstance, I would ask him, or anyone else nicely if they would do such-and-such.

I would not under any circumstances tell my adult daughter's what to do. If there is a problem I will discuss it and leave them to make their own decisions about it. You are asking for trouble telling most adults what to do under most circumstances.

It's hard to keep my mouth shut but so far I have resisted. Unless I am asked. I have tried not to interfere in my daughter's marriage and the way she raises my Granddaughter. The only time I did interfere was when G was an infant and she found some dangerous tablets belonging to my daughter, Then I felt I had to say something.
It's hard but the only way.

When I was a young adult, I automatically did the opposite of what my Mum told me. It just made me more determined...I would have never got involved with my abusive ex husband if she hadn't got involved. I look back and see I was just being silly really but it seemed the only way to live my own life.

My mother has always told me what to do, treating me at 60 as if I were 6. I put up with it for years while ignoring the instructions but I lost patience at 60 and told her to back off in no uncertain terms. She hasn't done it since but the relationship was damaged as a result.

Ooo, as we know, it's bad idea to try Tell AC almost anything.

Thank goodness not many of us try 'Telling", sometimes suggesting can be risky. :-)

The best thing I ever learnt to say, when being told what our AC planned to do, is ‘That sounds marvellous!’ then moan to my husband about what they plan to do 😂

Esspee my thoughts entirely.

Lol I could just imagine me trying to tell my adult sons what to do. They would probably tell me to take a run and jump lol.

My 70 yr old sister died of cancer last year and my brother was insisting that i tell my 35 and 37 children NOT to bring their kids( all under five) , my grandchildren to my sisters funeral ‘out of respect for her’.
I did no such thing and would never dream of doing so. (Also my sister adored my grandchildren and I’m sure would not have had a problem with them being there)
They did come and were beautifully behaved. I was approached by some of her friends at the wake and they said they were so pleased that the small ones had come and how she would’ve loved it.
My brother didn’t admit he was wrong

I thought we brought up our children to be their own people who are capable of making their own opinions and decisions. I wouldn't dream of telling my adult children what to do. I have always told my children that if I give advice, they can take it or leave it as it is up to them how they live their life. I also make a joke about how I'll enjoy saying "I told you so," if they ignore it but they know I wouldn't. I'll always be there with emotional support.

I wouldn’t dare tell my adult children what to do although one of them loves to tell me, she even texted me when I was going on a long train journey alone not to speak to any strangers.
I was only in my 50s at the time 😂

Honestly, best not to tell adult children what to do. Treat them as adults in their own right. If they ask for advice, that is fine.
They have their own lives to lead and their own decisions to make.

When our daughter was quite overweight (she subsequently lost almost 5 stone with no help )my husband said to me 'Cant you have a word with her?' I said 'You have a word with her'. As if she didn't know she was overweight!

I wouldn't dare- not least because a mother's place is in the wrong.
I wait until they tell me what they plan to do and then say what a good plan/idea that is. Anything else would be lighting the blue touch paper!