What do you think?

I would send a gift as not doing so looks petty.

Definitely send a present - he's your nephew after all.

I was going to put ‘it depends how close you are’.

Just outlined the OP to DH, and he said straightaway, “Well, can’t be that close or they would have been invited!”

True.

So on reflection, no, I don’t think I would buy a present.

I’d also send a gift despite the circumstance.

I would send a small token gift,i can see your husbands point but you would look rather mean if you didn`t.

I would send a small token gift

Genuine question.

What do you class as ‘small’ and ‘token’?

And how much?

£5, £10, £20+.?

Yes, i would send something

I would send something

I understand it hurts to be uninvited but ignoring the day completely would also hurt them.

They may have a good reason for changing plans

It's never good to repay hurt with hurt if you can avoid it and find some understanding

If you had only intended to buy a gift in return for an invitation to the wedding, then no, the transaction has changed, so there is no need to stick to your side of it.

If you had planned to buy something because a loved nephew is getting married and you want to give him a present, then that hasn't changed.

Many people will be trimming their plans because of mortgages and rents rising and bills going up. Punishing them for having to reduce the scope of their wedding day seems (to me) to be petty and mean-spirited.

I would send a gift because I liked my nephew nothing to do with getting an invite or not.

Do you know any others on the not invited list?
Compare notes with them might be an option.
I think I would buy something and be relieved that you can save on the other expenses of being a guest!
Travel, accommodation, clothes, hair, etc

Thank you all for your replies
It has certainly made me realise that the right thing to do is send a gift. I am fond of my nephew and would hate him to think I wasn't wishing him well as he starts his married life

I'd send a gift. He is your nephew after all. Life is not straightforward these days and they might be very disappointed themselves at having to downsize their big day.

Agree with Doodledog.

I think you are right to send a present, it is what I would do.

There was never anything such a uninviting someone in my upbringing if you invited someone you stuck to that how ever your finances or plans had changed but having said that if you’re fond of your nephew and aren't the only ones uninvited (what a weird concept) send a gift and your good wishes

Dukeybabe62

Thank you all for your replies
It has certainly made me realise that the right thing to do is send a gift. I am fond of my nephew and would hate him to think I wasn't wishing him well as he starts his married life

That’s what I’d have done, Dukeybabe, seeing as the bridegroom is a relative, and one you’re obviously close to. I think if I’d been uninvited by a friend though, unless it was a very good friend, they wouldn’t expect a present, and I’d just have sent a card.

Definitely send a present.It should not be dependent on you getting anything out of it.Really can’t believe this.

Don't succumb to the 'right thing'. Please follow your heart and give if you want to. Don't ever give grudgingly or conditionally. No pleasure in that.

I agree with Doodledog. You don't know the reason for the smaller wedding, it could be financial, could be family illness.

Of course a gift. How sensible not to go for a huge do. And you hadn’t been “uninvited” -save the date is not an invitation.
Don’t rock the boat (or don’t let your OH) - family fallouts are bad enough without provoking them.

Definitely send a gift. Smallish possibly.
It depends on how close you've been in the past.

Small gifts can sometimes turn out to be the most useful.

My cousin sent us tea towels, which didn't seem very exciting at the time. In the end they gave years of pleasure - because whenever one or two wore out, I had replacements to hand. Very satisfying!

If you send something modest but carefully chosen it could prove to be one of the best things they receive!

I'd send a gift, invited or not - as he's your nephew. My cousin got married abroad, I couldn't attend but sent a £100 JL voucher (and saved a fortune by not going).