Granddaughters and other Granny

I look on it that you can't have too much love.
Because we live close by , although 50 miles from our DC, I often see my SiL parents.
She and I attend the same group and share photos. At last I can granny-boast without fear of being boring or inappropriate 😉!

I try and complement the other granny. For example, she doesn't go swimming so much, so we take the grandchildren swimming. The other granddad is a dab hand at designing and making little objects of wood and metal ( toys included) so we do more outdoor activities and read stories with them as a penchant to that.

That way they have their "special" activities with each set of grandparents which do not encroach on the others' areas.

If a grandchild prefers one granny over the other, there's nothing you can do about it - there's no accounting for chemistry between characters. This will vary over the years as the child develops, and other grandchildren will have other preferences, maybe you'll be the favoured one there.

Our GC other nan is there constantly as she is on her own so they do give her more attention if she is there.
It does not bother me in the least I sit and read with them with one either side of me. I get their attention and love that’s all that matters I am sure they love both nans equally.

My grandson's other Grandma died when he was one year old. How I wish that she was here to share the joy (and school pick ups).

I'm in the same situation, and don't put myself in the situation where there might be occasion for jealousy.

You say, "When we are on a one to one they are very attentive and we have lots of fun." And that is true for me too. I cannot offer the family as a whole the level of support the "others" do, and it's also natural that DiL is closer to her mum than me, and will always be so. Given one child is very disabled, and other gran has more money to help out, I'm now just grateful. They can do what I cannot.

By the way, I don't think it's "wrong" to feel as you do - it's natural. Hold onto the love you definitely have from DGC and avoid situations where you might only feel "lack".

Lucca, I'm judgemental, yes - that's true - but not bitter. My first comment (the other granny) is really a case of different generations. I'm old enough to be her mother, so, to me, she really is a kid!

Second comment is about a relative. It's really exhausting, for anyone, just watching her (trying too hard). She doesn't see a lot of her grandchildren - and wonders why!

* other grandma

My granddaughter is 2 and a half. Born at height of Covid, I was in my daughters bubble and helped her look after GD in the first year. Her other Grandma worked throughout Covid and I know she was very upset and a little jealous with lack of contact - too risky.
Daughter then went back to work and myself and other granddaughter shared childcare some days a week. Then just over a year ago my Husband was given a terminal diagnosis so I had to devote all my time looking after husband but we tried to spend lots of short time with GD. The other Grandma took over a greater role in childcare which I was very grateful for.
I have recently started again looking after GD but at the moment when we are all together she goes more to her other granddaughter. But I know she loves coming to my house and the past few weeks have made a big effort in making pizza faces, gingerbread men, reindeer food and lots of craft stamping cards and making stars.
I am just happy she knows we all love her.

I first met the other gran at the hospital when DGD was born. Since then we've met up every few months to chat, drink coffee, put the world to rights, talk about how wonderful DGD is, how we can support the family etc. We don't live near each other, or near DGD.
She brings certain skills to the mix, and I bring different ones. I don't think we've ever seen each others as 'rivals' for DGD's affection.

Each Granny can have their own place in grandchildren's lives.
The other one was the one who bought them lots of things.
I was the one who took them out, - to the swing park, the beach, the moors. We had such fun.
Jealousy is useless really. Just enjoy what you have.

Apology accepted Lucca. we all get our wires crossed now and again.

Hetty58

This reminds me of a relative who's very active, competitive, goal driven - and achievement oriented, along with a real fear of failure/insecurity.

She was a pushy parent, of course, had to be 'the best' mother, wanted to be 'best friends' with her children. She's just the same with her grandchildren, showering them with attention, demands - and little presents/praise - to help them along.

It's all about her, really, they are but pawns in her quest for world domination Quietly, I find it all pretty amusing and yet pathetic. Her GC don't seem to like her much, either. One whispered 'When is she going home?' She fools nobody, except perhaps herself.

Both your posts Hetty make you sound rather bitter and judgmental. Live and let live ! People have different personalities!

If you don’t like “the other granny “ then visit on your own,

WRONG QUOTE SORRY MONICA.

M0nica

Stop comparing yourself with the 'other Granny', that way lies madness. We are all different and our relationships with our grand children will be different.

In our case the 'other granny' lives a few miles away from our joint grandchildren and we live 200 miles away, but even though we see them regularly with and without the 'other granny', I have no idea how our relationship compares, because I am not looking and comparing. Looking and comparing is going to damage any relationship, just love them and be loved by them and forget the rest.

Both your posts make you sound rather bitter and judgmental

Live and let live eh ? People have different personalities.

I have a similar situation to you Guinevere .
I cannot offer as much as the other DGP so when they visit, they stay with them and are brought to see me.
I don't mind actually and unkike then I have other older DGC and I'm older too so would find the DGC tiring for more than a couple of hours.
Things may change but life isn't fair is it.
Enjoy your time with them while they are little.
My eldest DGD is now 16. How did that happen!

This reminds me of a relative who's very active, competitive, goal driven - and achievement oriented, along with a real fear of failure/insecurity.

She was a pushy parent, of course, had to be 'the best' mother, wanted to be 'best friends' with her children. She's just the same with her grandchildren, showering them with attention, demands - and little presents/praise - to help them along.

It's all about her, really, they are but pawns in her quest for world domination Quietly, I find it all pretty amusing and yet pathetic. Her GC don't seem to like her much, either. One whispered 'When is she going home?' She fools nobody, except perhaps herself.

Stop comparing yourself with the 'other Granny', that way lies madness. We are all different and our relationships with our grand children will be different.

In our case the 'other granny' lives a few miles away from our joint grandchildren and we live 200 miles away, but even though we see them regularly with and without the 'other granny', I have no idea how our relationship compares, because I am not looking and comparing. Looking and comparing is going to damage any relationship, just love them and be loved by them and forget the rest.

One set of GC find their other granny much more interesting. She's young, a lively, loud and unpredictable person - a fun magnet and playmate.

When there's any trouble or mishaps, though, they'll come running straight to me. I'm the comfort and sticky plasters person, the lap to sit on, referee, judge and jury etc. - oh, and food/drink provider. I'm happy that they view me as an adult, not a big kid!

They are only young such a short time now, this is why you make your own life and everything else is a bonus. Close to mine when young but they are all so busy now and have spread their wings and its the odd hour here and there and its wonderful when I do see them. Proud and thankful for the lovely young people they are.

Our 13 yr gs has solved this by ignoring us both!

Thank you ladies

As you have said, it is probably because they are more familiar with the other granny.

It is good when you are alone with them so they obviously are comfortable with you. Just give it time, and never let it show how you feel.

Enjoy the times you have with your GDs and try not to feel envious of the other granny. If they have seen her more then she would be the one they go to. It doesn't mean they love you less.

There was another post the same as this a very short time ago

Stay out of the ‘double trouble’ see them in your time on your own, and let other granny see them in her time on her own

Problem solved