Autistic neighbour (new neighbour)

No, I mean in the wider community where I have lived and worked for a long time and have worked with families over the years.

You have many in your community? Is it a special one for people with autism and/or other conditions?
I mean with autism in 1:100 of the total typical community it would be unusual to have lots nearby otherwise.

Yes I have too and I have absolutely no problem with Autistic people. I mix with many in my community, frequently. I have never had a problem with anyone on the spectrum, ever.

But I don't know if she is even on it. She seems to have a deep hatred for me that has developed from whatever she has read and imagined.

I have most certainly met lots of autistic adults who have been most er, direct to say the least! I find it refreshing but it sounds like your neighbour goes beyond that.

Yes, it did come across as combative on first meeting her, before I'd even said anything - the words came tumbling from her lips in a chaotic way. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, perhaps she was over sharing and meant no harm, but she accused me of having a personality disorder and I don't have one. I can't even imagine how she dreamed that up. It felt like she was maybe projecting as her behaviour was quite unusual.

I would like to have a positive relationship with her as we live so close- so any advice would be helpful.

My advice would be to steer well clear.

You said in a subsequent post that she thinks she's autistic, but hasn't been diagnosed. If that's true - then really you don't know quite what you're dealing with and your experiences with her have been less than pleasant.

I wouldn't even give a cheery wave - just a slight nod of acknowledgement in passing. She's already explained your life to you which is a very abnormal way of interacting with a complete stranger.

For some reason she appears to have 'taken against you' - it's not impossible that she does this with others, too.

Unless a dire emergency arises, I'd avoid her like the plague. We had a lady in our block of flats many, many years ago who we all recognised had some kind of "issues" and we all tried to be neighbourly (most of us) and we all got into hot water with her. The nicest and most friendly neighbour who lived next door and who offered to pay her electricity bill when she was cut off because she couldn't pay it, was targeted more than anyone else. She (the nice neighbour) ended up with things being thrown at her door (food items) as well as it being given a good kicking.

The lady in question had mental-health problems... at the beginning of the 'care-in-the-community' policies being enacted. Even then, there wasn't the care that was supposed to be in place. The poor woman neglected herself too and ultimately died of pneumonia because those that were officially meant to be caring for her, simply didn't.

Urmstongran

I’d avoid her. Life can get very complicated very fast with tricky neighbours. Don’t become her go-to person. She will have others already. She doesn’t need you to join the band.

I am going to. I don't need the complications quite frankly.

Iam64 that's true of many lovely people with Autism, but I don't know anyone who's Autistic that has been confrontational on the first meeting as she was. That's why I don't think her problems are Autism and my husband thinks the same.

Definitely going to be avoiding eye contact and not smiling as it seems to be a red rag to a bull with that one.

Aveline

But is she rude or just being straightforward without the social niceties? Many of the people I used to work with could seem rude if you didn't know they were autistic. I actually got used to their direct form of communication. Naturally they were all different though. Generalisation is unhelpful.

I have no way of knowing what her motives are.

I find it most disconcerting that she believes herself to be more informed about aspects of my life than I am, to the point that she actually contradicted me on something I said.
I think most people would (even if they did actually research a neighbour) never , ever actually say anything to give a clue.

I've worked with Autistic people too and none have labelled themselves. I've taken them as they are and it's been great.

People who are diagnosed as bring on the asd are as different in personality as those of us without that diagnosis.
My extremely intelligent, socially shy reserved and in his own words, unable to read social queues - is the gentlest, kindest man you could meet. Personality can be forgotten, it’s often kry

I’d avoid her. Life can get very complicated very fast with tricky neighbours. Don’t become her go-to person. She will have others already. She doesn’t need you to join the band.

I would avoid like the plague.

My nextdoor neighbour had had signs of dementia for some time (yes I know its not comparable to autism) but has deteriorated rapidly since her husband died a year ago. She wanders up and down behind the houses wearing what appear to be pajamas and flipflops even in this icy weather. Otherside nextdoor neighbour seems to have taken her under her wing and I have seen (on cctv) her guiding NDN back to her door. Other times she has called with what appear to be Asda bags. Several times NDN has knocked on my door and so has otherside eighbour.

NDN has two children who live some distance away. They only appear to visit about every 2-3 weeks but I have not answered because I dont want to get sucked into a "situation".

Been there, done it, got the t-shirt.

But is she rude or just being straightforward without the social niceties? Many of the people I used to work with could seem rude if you didn't know they were autistic. I actually got used to their direct form of communication. Naturally they were all different though. Generalisation is unhelpful.

Good point. I never explain anyway I believe that even if you do explain, people will think what they want-so I don't even bother. Its something I decided to do a few years ago. I do my own thing, but only those closest to me actually know. It does annoy me when people jump to conclusions but I still leave them wondering.

You just met her and she is over familiar with you making remarks about you. Keep her at arms length be polite but always be on the way somewhere or have something to do don’t stand around for a conversation.
You don’t need to explain to anyone what you are about equally she does not need to tell you she has Autism..

rafichagran

Sago

Sounds as though she has announced she is Autistic and now feels she can behave as rudely as she wishes.

AVOID!

I agree with this, her autism, should not make you feel uncomfortable.

It's not her Autism or percieved Autism that I see as the problem. I know other Autistic people who behave differently.

Be clear and set boundaries

Sago

Sounds as though she has announced she is Autistic and now feels she can behave as rudely as she wishes.

AVOID!

I agree with this, her autism, should not make you feel uncomfortable.

Yeah, it did freak me and I can't guess why someone would disclose that kind of information at first meeting.

Thanks.

This is spooky stuff and you need to be careful. It does not sound like any autistic person I have come across but some do have obsessions and hers may involve researching her neighbours and you in particular especially if she doesn’t feel secure in her environment.

PS Oh, I just remembered she said she thinks she's Autistic but hasnt been tested yet.

To be fair, I dont really know what the right answer is to that when you haven't met the person before??

It's ok VS. I've never been researched to that level before- or at least if I have no one has ever admitted it. Unfortunately she did that thing people do when they only have half knowledge and jumped to huge conclusions about me that were wrong. It bothered me that she thinks she knows more about aspects of my life than I do, but I am going to practice being a lot more reserved. I have been saying for ages that I'm just too nice.

I'm not sure what else to advise

I wouldn't let it trouble you if it's not true

VS I am always polite (and friendly) but am now thinking of being much more reserved to people I don't know until they are more known- purely because I have clearly been researched to the point that I said something and she corrected me based on something she "knew" to be a fact about my life. She was actually wrong, but I let it go.

I think her observations are part stalky online research and part massive-huge assumptions. It has freaked me out a bit.

Overestimulated.

My phone does not know me well.

I don't know if she's diagnosed but I think she might live alone. I don't actually know anything about her other than she seems to know a lot about me.

She might have got stuff from FB, but I'm quite careful. I've got my security setting set as high as possible.