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Being used

(4 Posts)
Tigerlady Sun 29-Jan-23 22:57:00

My granddaughter is 19. She met an older man and went off to live with him that ended and she met another younger man and ended up living with him moving around. A few months ago she says she is pregnant and moves back up to the family. They went into hostels as council said during which they had many arguments and in the end the hostel was all made to leave due to someone smoking something ilegal. He likes to smoke and drink. It was over she said as she wanted to be without him as he wasn't good he had been mixing with wrong gangs and got in trouble and he always controlled the money and her. She stayed with her mum and the council offer her a house. We spend a week sorting it out we bought carpets and household things and other family bought large items. We finally finish getting her in and she came to tea at ours this week nothing said. Two days later our friend goes to take another large item to her and there he is moved back in. We do all the work and he turns up walks straight in. My daughter lied to me too saying he was only there few days when she knew he wasn't. I feel used I'm so very upset I tried really really hard and I'm ill too and now this. Why on earth has she gone back on what she said waiting till all done and knowing he was coming back and didn't tell us. We would have tried to be supportive but feel as though this is you fixed it but he is here now. I'm gutted tired and upset. I have spoken to her but she says he is her family. Am I overreacting

Retread Mon 30-Jan-23 05:51:36

No Tigerlady you are not over reacting, you are describing a very upsetting situation. I would distance myself and let this young adult deal with her choices in life, with whatever support she can muster in the future.

You sound like a caring, loving person. Detach from this situation with love. Protect your health.

thanks

Carenza123 Mon 30-Jan-23 06:17:26

You are not overreacting. You and family members have all rallied around your daughter to give her a decent start over. She has not been truthful with you about the boyfriend. However, it is her life and she has to make her own decisions as she is an adult. She has to lead it as she thinks fit. Take a step back and look after your wellbeing and yourself.

LRavenscroft Mon 30-Jan-23 06:41:11

Someone I know was in a similar position and the young person was sitting in the removal van smoking whilst the older generation were moving their things. Look to your own future and happiness. You are not responsible for their future.