I’ll probably never be a gran…

Have they met their life partners yet? My daughter was mid 30s, swore no children, and now has a wonderful 3 year old. Unless your children are beyond child bearing, nothing is definite. However, you can live a great life without children. Maybe volunteer at your local primary school?

Try to accept and enjoy what is good in your life. I know it is hard. I had one child. My daughter doesn't have children because of illness. It was what she most wanted. I am sad for her rather than me because she is a lovely daughter, the best thing in my life and I would have liked her to have the same love and support she gives me after I am gone. But I try to turn my mind away from sadness and pain. Sometimes when you are feeling very miserable it helps not to push it down but to express it though and then you can feel a bit better. You might still have grandchildren. My school friend has just had a lovely little first grandson and we are both seventy six. You could perhaps enjoy some other peoples grandchildren.

You accept it by making yourself realise that your children are adults and make their own decisions.

By realising that all children ought to be wanted and that nowadays responsible adults make sure that they are. Those who are in doubt that they will make good parents prevent parenthood.

If you like, you could look into the possibilities of sponsering a child somewhere in one of the underprivelidge countries of the world, or contact the children's dept. of your local social services to ask whether they have a scheme for "bonus grandparents".

Or you might want to help out one or two days a week in a kindergarten.

I would have liked grandchildren but realised some years ago that it wasn't on the cards. I volunteer at our local museum arranging and carrying out holiday activities for school-children. I am in touch with young families this way and can enjoy it - and it is much less tiring than being a "real" gran or great-grannie as I most certainly can hand the children back to their parents or teachers at the end of the day.

My oldest son and his wife both love the high life expensive holidays 3 times a year designer house no mention of children then in lockdown they first child was born both were 37-38 i didn’t think they would have a child but my granddaughter arrived. Having children wasn’t something we talked about with them. Even when his younger brother was having children. Oh i don’t live my life for my grandkids or am I jealous of the other grandparents or them me we all are adults and I don’t live near lol. A friend of mine doesn’t have any children but she does go reading stories to little kids in library and they call her granny some of the little ones don’t have a grandma and she tells them she is there’s. But when your kids decide if or not to have children I’m sure you will be the first to know lol

And there are very many threads on Gransnet and Mumsnet about family disagreements between generations and about children and grandchildren living abroad. Having a family and not being able to see them is so sad, but the threads always say that it is something you have to learn to live with.

My oldest DD is in her 40's but has mental health problems and was advised not to have children because of the heavy medication. I honestly doubt she would have done anyway as she is usually single and very selfish.
My youngest, single, DD always said she didn't want children, but when she had pelvic infections and found that she couldn't, she changed her mind. Since then she has adopted and it is hard work, for her and for us!
My oldest son is single and unlikely to have children.
I'm lucky that my second son has children but it is always their choice, their lives are the ones that would be changed the most.
I don't know the situation of your DC Enidd so don't know if this is a decision they have made or just circumstances, but would say that it is best for you to live your life and make the most of everything that comes your way. Once your grandchildren are adults you often don't see much of them so you need a full life of your own either way.
Please don't be disappointed in your life, it crushes you.

Do you have a young family nearby to be an ‘honorary gran’? Could you volunteer at a school as an asistant?

Norah

Tenko

I find that people who ask if you have grandchildren often do it , so that you’ll ask them the same question and that gives them an excuse to whip out their phones and show you photos of the little darlings . Sometimes I just say no and change the subject . I can tell they’re itching for me to ask

I can't abide viewing photos of others' children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. Please keep your phone in your pocket

This!

Perhaps when someone asks you say something like 'Oh no thankfully I can't abide little people!' That should shut them up! ;]

I quite like seeing photos of children and grandchildren - but not too many. I remember my heart sinking when a friend handed me a big fat album saying “This is Nicola’s first six months”. I ran out of comments!

My son always said that he never had any desire to be a father...he never wavered in his decision. His partner felt the same.
Sadness did cross my mind because he'd be a wonderful parent as would she but it's their choice and all I want is for them to be happy.
He did tell me I could 'nanny' his cats though!

The photos and the tales of what their grandkid does every second of the day drives me insane. My friend's grandson is all she ever talks about. We were at a show last weekend and in the interval out came the phone with endless photos. I excused myself saying I needed the ladies to get away from it. I think my dog pics will be on show the next time, she doesn't do dogs as much as I don't do kids. Sorry proud grans 😏

I might be wrong but I’m sure I read once about something like adopt a granny etc ..for children with no grandparents?
I have 11 including step. And great grand it’s sadly like so much in life
The haves and have nots

I was resigned to never having a grandchild when out of the blue, after 15 yrs of marriage one appeared! Don't give up hope but in the meantime enjoy your own life and your children's.

Our only child, a 37 year old daughter, has never had any interest in having children and has been telling us so since she was about 16. So grandchildren are not happening for DH and I. However, we tragically lost our first child a very long time ago, so are very thankful to have our lovely daughter. Might have been nice to have grandkids to play with, but we think of the many people who have been unable to have children at all and desperately wanted them and think ourselves lucky to have a beautiful, healthy and loving daughter. And - we do have 4 cats about the house!

It's true your DC may change their minds but you do need to accept being a grandparent is not your right. The odds of me becoming a grandparent are very unlikely - both DDs have significant health issues. It's not always easy, especially now my friends' children are producing their own babies but that's life. Try to remember being a grandparent isn't always fantastic - there can be disagreements with the parents and even cases where the grandparents aren't allowed to see much loved grandchildren. Make your own life and if things change down the line that would be a bonus.

(Flowers) xx

Norah

Tenko

I find that people who ask if you have grandchildren often do it , so that you’ll ask them the same question and that gives them an excuse to whip out their phones and show you photos of the little darlings . Sometimes I just say no and change the subject . I can tell they’re itching for me to ask

I can't abide viewing photos of others' children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. Please keep your phone in your pocket

I ask people to see them. I don’t often show mine but I like to see other people’s grandkids and pick out likenesses. I am very interested in genealogy and inherited traits. People love to share their joy.

I feel the same. I didn’t have children- circumstances but have 2 stepchildren and a step granddaughter. I love them very much

What age are they? I was over 40 before I had my first and 45 my second. A friend became a first time father when he was over 50!

I have never had children of my own but I have become a bit of a bonus grandma to the grandchildren of one of my friends who are include me as part of their family. I also take my godmother responsibility very seriously and my goddaughter has two young children which is lovely. I had a career in education working with children for 40 years so count myself lucky to have had that too.

Enidd feeling sad because you won't be a grandmother is perfectly understandable. Those are your feelings and good on you for acknowledging them. I'm in the same situation, and also felt sad, but in time I came to accept it. I wish you all the best.

💐🌸🌺

Norah

Tenko

I find that people who ask if you have grandchildren often do it , so that you’ll ask them the same question and that gives them an excuse to whip out their phones and show you photos of the little darlings . Sometimes I just say no and change the subject . I can tell they’re itching for me to ask

I can't abide viewing photos of others' children, grandchildren, great grandchildren. Please keep your phone in your pocket

I showed some friends photos of my DD yesterday (my baby although she is 40!) but that was because they wanted to see photos of her dog. 🐕

@yggdrasil: Yes you’ve made some good points. I’m sorry you don’t see them so much, like you say it doesn’t mean there will be a relationship there anyway.

Thank you everyone for sharing your thoughts.

@Germanshepherdsmum; Haha your reply did make me smile. I’ve got two dogs and I too love showing my boys off!

I would much rather see pictures of someone’s dog.