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Was I wrong? What would you do?

(100 Posts)
tanith Wed 19-Apr-23 09:31:36

A lady just knocked on my door and gave me a garbled story about a fire and a friend who’d just got home from Spain then asked me if I could spare a bag of food. I said sorry no and shut the door.
I went upstairs and saw my kindly neighbour opposite hand her a full bag I presume of food.
Now I’m wondering and feeling guilty, if was she desperate enough to come and ‘beg’ at my door and should I of been kinder?
What would you do?

BigBertha1 Wed 19-Apr-23 09:34:51

It sounds like a scam to me there are many reports of such incidents which has preceded a robbery. I would let the local police know and get a photo at the time if possible. If you know your neighbour well you could have a chat with her.

FannyCornforth Wed 19-Apr-23 09:35:23

Hi. I would have done exactly the same, been suspicious, said no, and then immediately felt guilty.

If I my immediate gut instinct was that they were genuine, I would have given them money

FannyCornforth Wed 19-Apr-23 09:35:52

BigBertha1

It sounds like a scam to me there are many reports of such incidents which has preceded a robbery. I would let the local police know and get a photo at the time if possible. If you know your neighbour well you could have a chat with her.

That’s scary

Yammy Wed 19-Apr-23 09:40:26

I would have said no then watched where she went as you did there are so many scams these days.
I have had two already this morning one on the phone and one on the computer.
If it was genuine then you will hear about it and can donate then.

Aldom Wed 19-Apr-23 09:42:44

Years ago there were people, usually a young man 'desperate' to get to a hospital about 50/60 miles away. The story was always the same. Their child was dying, they needed the train fare. This story sounds similar. I think you did the right thing. But I understand how you feel.

annodomini Wed 19-Apr-23 09:44:36

I'd have done the same as you did; perhaps directed her to the local food bank.

Grannybags Wed 19-Apr-23 09:46:47

I would have done the same as you, including feeling guilty.

Like BigBertha1 said sometimes it can be a distraction burglary

Such a shame that we feel we can't believe anyone any more!

Witzend Wed 19-Apr-23 09:53:32

I had that one, Aldom, only it was a bus fare he needed to the other side of London. I 99% knew it was a scam but gave him the money anyway.

Only about a week later I saw him on a bus. He got off before I did and made very deliberate eye contact on his way out. The look he gave me was almost indescribable - so smugly almost gloating. ‘Yes, it was me - yes, you were a mug, and no, I don’t give a shit.’

Aldom Wed 19-Apr-23 09:57:11

Witzend I too fell for it the first time. hmm

Riverwalk Wed 19-Apr-23 10:02:03

I'd have done the same thing tanith.

No one would genuinely be knocking on doors looking for a bag of food, more likely checking to see if you're a soft touch.

Theexwife Wed 19-Apr-23 10:25:42

It’s not much of a scam if all they are collecting is surplus food. I would have helped.

rosie1959 Wed 19-Apr-23 10:31:57

Sounds odd to me why didn't the lady knocking on your door just go to the supermarket and get her friend the supplies she needed

Squiffy Wed 19-Apr-23 10:32:04

Theexwife

It’s not much of a scam if all they are collecting is surplus food. I would have helped.

That is just their way of checking you/ your property out. If you’re very elderly or seem vulnerable or gullible, they’ll be back - not asking for food though! 🤬

MerylStreep Wed 19-Apr-23 10:33:01

Theexwife
It starts with the soft request ( food) Then they know your a kind person, then they tap you for money.

NotSpaghetti Wed 19-Apr-23 10:36:35

I would have given food (or money if I had some cash).
I'd rather give to someone who may not be "genuine" than not help a person in need.

I don't think I'm a "soft touch" generally - but in this respect, if I am I don't care.
If she kept coming back I'd maybe be different.

rosie1959 Wed 19-Apr-23 10:38:12

Hardly not likely to be someone in need if they had just come back from Spain

rockgran Wed 19-Apr-23 10:41:42

I was caught out with a young lady asking for petrol money late at night. I knew it was a scam but gave her £20 just in case it was genuine. If I had heard next day that she had been attacked or something I would have felt much worse. I was pretty miffed though. This was a few years ago and there was never any follow up burglary. I think she knew I knew - if you see what I mean.

Shelflife Wed 19-Apr-23 10:43:32

Think you did what most people would have done , I would have been suspicious. Ok to give sandwiches/ drink to a person sleeping on the street but don't think I would give food to someone who knocked on my door. Don't feel guilty.

Iam64 Wed 19-Apr-23 10:52:14

I never give at the door. I’d have suggested she go to the supermarket down the road, food bags readily available

Kate1949 Wed 19-Apr-23 11:01:26

I would have done the same as you tanith. I think there would be official places people could go to in a crisis such as a fire. No need to knock doors.

tanith Wed 19-Apr-23 12:29:09

Thanks everyone I’m sure I would of heard if there had been a fire thinking about it. I spoke to a dog walker I know in the park and she had heard that a lady had been knocking on doors asking for food,cigarettes and money over the last month or so.
I think I did the right thing but if I see her again I will point her in the direction of our food bank.

Charleygirl5 Wed 19-Apr-23 12:44:26

tanith I think you did the correct thing. You should not feel guilty about it.

I wonder what she was going to do with the bags of food? Hopefully not dumped.

Callistemon21 Wed 19-Apr-23 12:50:44

Grannybags

I would have done the same as you, including feeling guilty.

Like BigBertha1 said sometimes it can be a distraction burglary

Such a shame that we feel we can't believe anyone any more!

Yes, leave her standing at an open door while you go to fill a bag with food in the kitchen?

No.

Callistemon21 Wed 19-Apr-23 12:52:02

tanith

Thanks everyone I’m sure I would of heard if there had been a fire thinking about it. I spoke to a dog walker I know in the park and she had heard that a lady had been knocking on doors asking for food,cigarettes and money over the last month or so.
I think I did the right thing but if I see her again I will point her in the direction of our food bank.

Yes, or if you have a Community Fridge locally, anyone is welcome to go and be given food, unlike a food bank which sometimes needs a referral.