Do you remind your adult children about sending cards ?

Dragonfly46, never saw a birthday calendar when I lived in The Netherlands but what a really great idea. Should hang a pen with it so new friends could write on their own birthdays! I want one of my own now!

No.

The only exception would be if there were a very very elderly and incapacitated rellie left who really needed it, but none left in generation above me, and I doubt they would forget such a rellie as I'd be giving bits and bobs of news as appropriate.

I can say I would be very upset if DS and DiL forgot my birthday or christmas altogether but I dont think thats what the O/P means.

I remind my adult children but if they choose not to, I leave it at that. Quite honestly, if anybody is upset about the lack of cards, they can take it up with the children themselves.

Nowadays young people tend to text. It's the thought that counts.

tripwire? What world does Autocorrect inhabit? . I doubt I have ever sent a text or written a post with the word 'tripwire' in it.

I meant the reminders and guilt trips are not fair.

My in laws' golden wedding anniversary present went astray and didn't turn up for some weeks because it had been delivered to the wrong address. My mother in law told my daughter how upset she was that I hadn't sent anything when at least my son had remembered to send a card. My daughter told me that she knew her brother had only sent a card because I told him to and she had great difficulty carrying on a civil conversation with granny.

sodapop

Bit harsh Doodledog I love to receive birthday & Christmas cards they cheer me up and I know someone has thought about me. Nothing to do with boasting about my popularity or lack of it.

I really don't mean to be harsh, and understand that it's good to know someone is thinking of you. But wouldn't a text do that? A message directly from the person, rather than a verse or greeting written by someone else and just signed?

As I say, I do send them to people I know would be upset otherwise, but I just don't understand the obligation, and the 'couldn't even be bothered' comments. They just guilt people into doing something that they may prefer not to do - whether for ecological reasons, financial reasons or just because they don't feel like contributing to the profits of Hallmark or Paperchase. That is their decision to make - it doesn't mean they don't care or aren't thinking about the birthday person, and all the reminders and guilt tripwire really not fair.

Cards, housework, washing and many others, my mother is 91 and does this to me every time. She says she likes things done properly which means her way. I don’t care anymore I just tell her to p… off. Or the two finger salute. After helping her for 30 odd years with no help I just don’t care anymore. I now do things just to annoy her. So anyone in a similar trap has my sympathy. I don’t send cards now just to my elderly aunt but this will all end

sodapop

Bit harsh Doodledog I love to receive birthday & Christmas cards they cheer me up and I know someone has thought about me. Nothing to do with boasting about my popularity or lack of it.

I do send them to my older relatives who like to show them off as they see having lots of them as proof that they are popular. I think that is an unhealthy way to think

I suppose we're elderly, it's nothing to do with popularity or not, it's just good to know someone has remembered, especially if you rarely see them.

That's reminded me, a friend's birthday is soon, we don't usually exchange cards but it's a milestone birthday this year. Mind you, when we get older, every birthday is a milestone and better than the alternative.

Bit harsh Doodledog I love to receive birthday & Christmas cards they cheer me up and I know someone has thought about me. Nothing to do with boasting about my popularity or lack of it.

Doodledog

I really don't understand the obsession with cards. When people don't send them they are accused of 'not bothering', as though it is some sort of obligation to buy a mass-produced bit of cardboard with a message written by someone else and take it to a post box, and it it morally deficient to forget or opt out of the whole shebang. It's such a strange custom.

I do send them to my older relatives who like to show them off as they see having lots of them as proof that they are popular. I think that is an unhealthy way to think, but I accept that it matters to them, so I do it.

I am more likely to send blank ones to friends for things like congratulations or 'thinking of you' ones when someone is having a bad time, and I include a personalised message, as I think they mean so much more as there is no sense of obligation around them.

I am happy with a text, or a message on FB, and even happier with a visit or an invitation to do something I'll like.

Agreed.

Even stranger the obsession to force ones AC to send such.

I really don't understand the obsession with cards. When people don't send them they are accused of 'not bothering', as though it is some sort of obligation to buy a mass-produced bit of cardboard with a message written by someone else and take it to a post box, and it it morally deficient to forget or opt out of the whole shebang. It's such a strange custom.

I do send them to my older relatives who like to show them off as they see having lots of them as proof that they are popular. I think that is an unhealthy way to think, but I accept that it matters to them, so I do it.

I am more likely to send blank ones to friends for things like congratulations or 'thinking of you' ones when someone is having a bad time, and I include a personalised message, as I think they mean so much more as there is no sense of obligation around them.

I am happy with a text, or a message on FB, and even happier with a visit or an invitation to do something I'll like.

I only send birthday cards to immediate family, I remind my son to send one to his sister and her children otherwise I would be the one to get it in the ear from my daughter… she’s very organised and doesn’t need reminding

Not usually. As many have said it’s their choice. Just behaved differently though about a friend who will be 80 this year. She doesn’t use a smart phone or computer, has never sent or received a text. A very traditional woman cards mean a lot to her. She has known our sons since birth, always an Auntie to them. I reminded one son who will be away on her birthday by telling him we would see her on the day. He was pleased to have the reminder and we now have a card to take from him. The other son and his family will be with us for her birthday, talking about the day was reminder enough. It’s a small thing in the scheme of things but a card means such a lot to our friend, she’d be so upset not to have cards from us all. Why cause upset?

I remind my sons,and daughter in laws at the end of each month who has birthdays the following month. They asked me to do this. It started mainly so the children weren't forgotten. My daughter in laws both said they now have birthday reminder books, but could l still remind them .....as they forget to look in the books!!

My Mum used to remind me events were coming up, and checked I'd actually sent cards. When she died I had 2 uncles, aunt, brother, SIL and nephew. All decided my brother should inherit Mum's estate, ignoring her 3 daughters - very patriacle family. Now I have to send no cards or presents!

I usually send a reminder to siblings about each others birthdays or my OH. I say just in case you would like to know..

my son and dil do not do cards, they haver never done this, not even to there own kids, i did not get a birthday card for a couple of years, it was usually a text the night before to tell me my present was in the bank, always the same at christmas, even my dad said to me last sunday not to send a card, but i did, being house bound at the moment i had to do it using funky pigeon, i have to remind them to message using face book to other family members or at least send an email. i think it is just the way people are now, royal mail is not like it used to be, i have sent items next day delivery and they have got lost. tell your mum you sent the card and wished them happy birthday and tell her that is the end of it, and if she keeps going on about something that is not your fault then you are going to leave or hang up if it is a phone call, i have said this to my mum on the phone as she is the type that just goes on and on and i am almost 60.

My son is an adult and thus responsible for making his own decisions about everything, both the smal things like sending cards and the large decisions, so I would not dream of reminding him.

Tell your mother, that you did send X a card, but it seems to have been delayed or lost in the post, so you and she can have a good grouse about the postal service - not that it has ever been much better than it is now, as far as I remember.

My mother in law used to go a step further and actually send cards (and even presents) saying they were from us.

There you have it “ I’m entitled to my opinion” well Gibraltarrock so are you. I think you may have answered your own question. 🌸

They/we all do it. My Mum's disappointed 'Oh, haven't you got a nice frock' - on seeing me in trousers for an outing - echoes down the years. There is sure to be something I'm irritating my daughter with.

No I do not need to remind them to remember birthdays etc. they always remember and acknowledge it in one way or another be it by card, text, WhatsApp.
In the Netherlands every house has a birthday calendar hanging in the toilet!

In future, when you post a card, tell her that you've sent it this morning, afternoon, yesterday, etc, then she won't be able to berate you for not sending.

If cards arrive late, is direct the recipient to check the envelope for the postmark to see what date you posted it, then they wouldn't have a leg to stand on when they're moaning about you having forgotten!

Have never reminded offspring to send cards as it's something my mother always used to do to me and it really annoyed me. Did once send a full list of b'days and addresses of family members ( by request) but no idea if any get sent. I do know GD always sends thank you cards for presents so that's pretty good imo.

For my birthday and Mothers Day, I always send messages to my adult children saying not to spend money on presents, but PLEASE send cards.

Many years ago, my 83-year old Dad telephoned me one Saturday afternoon, distressed that his one remaining sister and been on the phone ranting at him for NOT sending a birthday card. He had had little to do with her for the previous few years, so had not sent a card. He lived about five miles from me and this older sister about ten miles from him. I offered to collect him and drive him down to this 86 year old sister, which we did.

She was delighted to see us, and her friend (next door neighbour), took me aside to say that she was having mental problems, etc and I said I would contact Adult Social Care in her area first thing on Monday morning.

Good to see my Dad and his last remaining sibling together. Come Monday morning, I received a telephone call from the neighbour telling me not to bother contacting anyone, as my Aunt had been found dead that morning in her bed.

I was so pleased that I had given up that Saturday afternoon (difficult as I had six children and a disabled hubbie at home).

Cards ARE important, I can display text messages like I can these cards. Best of all are the hand made ones from g.children.