Break up advice

At least you have the divorce process to end a marriage. Ending a cohabiting relationship when property and children are involved is more difficult.

Germanshepherdsmum

The difficulties when unmarried people buy houses and have children together …

What makes this more difficult? I am currently divorcing and wish I hadn’t married in the first place. Feels a lot more hassle having to go through the divorce bit.

"He wants her to face reality of lone parenting."

May I ask clarification? Without context, it seems harsh

Does she work?
How old are the kids?

Have they engaged lawyers to make custody and financial agreements?

The difficulties when unmarried people buy houses and have children together …

Thanks for your advice. They’re not married by the way. Not so worried about wills etc at the moment, just finances. Obvs.DS will pay for the kids but can’t afford two mortgages/bills etc. “DIL” wants him to get flat nearby to have kids at weekends but not affordable. But most important to us is to keep in touch with the kids. DS sees at weekends but because future situation uncertain doesn’t want us to say anything.

Presumably your son is seeing the children on a regular basis, Granjan ? Could he bring them to visit you from time to time?

Yes, I think Granjan’s main concern is about her seeing the children. For that, she needs to keep out of their squabbles and talk to d.I.l. to arrange visits etc
Not a nice time for you Granjan. Wish you and the family all the best and a calm transition.

Yes, the will advice, whilst sensible, isn’t the most pressing issue.

I think I've missed the point here.
It doesn't seem to be about leaving the house to children or not... Isn't about GranJan seeing the children?

A joint tenancy can be brought to an end by either joint tenant and converted into a tenancy in common. Simple process.

What coolgran said.

I believe Son could only leave his half of the house if it is owned as 'tenants in common'. If it is 'jointly' owned, as is more usual, it would automatically go to his other half.

Definitely keep in touch with DiL & GC, but try to stay neutral so as not to rock the boat.
Your son is paying for a roof over his children's heads first & foremost, not hers! If they own the house he could have it put in his will that should anything happen to him, his half of the house goes to the children. If it's sold, his half goes to the children at a suitable age!
I know it's hard not to interfere, even in what we consider the best interests of the children, but try not to, for the sake of your relationship with them and their parents!!
(If she moves someone in, they should definitely pay rent).

This is a tough one for you GranJan60 but I think you're right not to add to the pressure at this time. Best to stay neutral and not express opinions to your ds or dgc as those can come back to bite you. I do think that perhaps you could discuss with ds your desire to see the children and regular visits could be arranged. It's important for the children's as well as your own well being. Good luck, it's hard, I know.