“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

Don't turn up at my house unannounced

Unless you are dropping off chocolate and don't want to come in

You do show up unannounced ? And others do it to you?

What if you had plans? Or we’re watching a movie?

I don’t get it.

Summerlove

Urmstongran

I think that comment was incredibly rude. I’d go and cut my nose off to spite my face. Help out. Be very attentive to this precious newbie mum. Only peep at the baby and say ‘oh isn’t he/she darling’ and make absolutely no effort to want/initiate a cuddle. Then ‘bye’ from me and ‘hope to see you soon’ (when you’ve discovered your manners new parents). They’ll be asking you to make an appointment next. You’ll be walking on eggshells. I wouldn’t want to play those games. Ye gods.

I’ve never understood this annoyance at being asked to “make an appointment” surely all visits should happen at mutually agreeable times?

Or do you just show up at peoples houses and expect them to entertain you?

Of course we do!!

So do they 😀

Urmstongran

I think that comment was incredibly rude. I’d go and cut my nose off to spite my face. Help out. Be very attentive to this precious newbie mum. Only peep at the baby and say ‘oh isn’t he/she darling’ and make absolutely no effort to want/initiate a cuddle. Then ‘bye’ from me and ‘hope to see you soon’ (when you’ve discovered your manners new parents). They’ll be asking you to make an appointment next. You’ll be walking on eggshells. I wouldn’t want to play those games. Ye gods.

I’ve never understood this annoyance at being asked to “make an appointment” surely all visits should happen at mutually agreeable times?

Or do you just show up at peoples houses and expect them to entertain you?

Smileless2012

Well it is unrelated Hithere. A GC isn't just a child you see on the street, or a friends' baby and it's the most natural thing in the world for a GP to say they can't wait to cuddle their baby GC.

Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea.

Sounds like you met my father In law. He did all those things. Including visiting when sick and having a tantrum we wouldn’t let him hold the baby when sick.

Sometimes over excited grandparents let their emotions/wants get the better of them.

It took years for our relationship to recover.

“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”
😯

"Where's my coat"?

Herefornow

What are these wrong words OP?

Babababa, Dadadada, Mamamama, Dindins, Moocow, Doggy, Pussycat perhaps??

Baby (or Child), Father, Mother, Dinner (or Supper), Cow, Dog, Cat instead?

The title of the thread is:

“You’re here to help not to have cuddles”

which is what her son said to her.
Slightly unfeeling.

Hithere

"Doesn't mean they're going wrench the little mite of their parents arms, wake them up just to satisfy their need or sit down and expect to be waited on with cups of tea."

I have seen it happened.

Hithere you've met my mother-in-law then? 🤣

Ahhh that explains the wording situation.

I only read one update about
'all milestones so far' been in France which didn't make sense if the grandchild is only 3 months?

I agree, 'only here to help' isn't fair on the OP. She's been going above and beyond and her son isn't treating her very well.

OP's previous thread has been resurrected and makes the situation clearer. Daughter in law is French but living in England; trips to France have been arranged to cover special occasions and OP, and presumably her husband, are feeling excluded. I assume the correct words mean use basic English, which is understandable, but the comment about 'only being here to help' is still crass, and doesn't help to resolve a sensitive family situation.

Or

"I'm there to help, not to have cuddles"

And I'm not sure how that's rude, its how it should be

When people I love have babies, they are always my primary concern.

I am not going to visit them as a guest and I keep this in mind at all times.

They are forbidden to tidy for my arrival and I reassure them I am coming to see them and not their house.

So I offer to do shopping to bring or I will bring a meal for everyone. I will ask if there is anything I can help with in the home and just get any washing up etc done while making us all tea.

Again I'm not there as a guest to see the baby, I'm there as a support.

But I can tell you I get rewarded with so many baby cuddles because my presence feels safe and non stressful so handing me that baby and going for a nap or a shower is much easier for new parents finding their feet

OP posted a thread before this about how her sons inlaws live in France, her DIL could be French which might explain the correct wording of things.

I am still a bit confused about the “correct words”. If any of my children said that to me I wouldn’t know what to think?

And maybe the son should show some manners. I am fed up with people using the stress excuse fir their rudeness.

Agree! Even if that was the case, a 'sorry for snapping' call would help.

The thread started off with the comment made by her son which for whatever reason, was rude/ or off . It wasn't exactly nice but it was made by her son. Not her DIL.

Second comment was about them wanting to parent the way they want without any suggestions or input.

Those are 2 separate situations. OP actually sounds like she does more than enough to help them out, so I'm not sure what else your son is expecting from you?

The son didn't use stress as an excuse for rudeness

Neither did I really

But you don't get an apology and changed behaviour for being rude and impatient back

VioletSky

Maybe they feel they haven't got much support and people are only interested in the baby and not them...

And the delivery has come from a stressed and exhausted new patent who needs some tlc

And maybe the son should show some manners. I am fed up with people using the stress excuse fir their rudeness.

Maybe they feel they haven't got much support and people are only interested in the baby and not them...

And the delivery has come from a stressed and exhausted new patent who needs some tlc

It sounds as though your DIL has read too many parenting books NewNana and wants to do everything by the book, but it is her baby and you're doing the right thing by going along with what she wants. Hopefully she will relax a little as time goes by.
I was very lucky because my DIL was very relaxed and let us cuddle her babies whenever we liked. Her first baby was a dream, hardly cried and slept to order - the second however did not, and she was very grateful for help with anything and everything!

I am not accusing all young parents of being the same; I am saying that I read of examples of officious young parents on GN and this thread is dealing with one such.

nanna8

Just be as nice as pie- then she won’t be able to whinge. Sometimes I am glad I only have daughters ….

Me too!
I mean WTAF? Use the correct words? Help not cuddles.I wouldn’t be there helping after hearing those words Grans aren’t servants.

I agree Urms where are the manners!

My DS and DDiL never asked us to babysit, which I thought odd and still do a bit. Now those babes are teenagers I'm allowed to take them out on my own but I had very little to do with their baby care. They have turned out ok.

My other DC and in-laws are quite different.

My own DMiL was only 45 when we made her a grannie. She had her own way of doing things. She came to stay in our flat while I was in hospital and completely rearranged our bedroom to make it into a nursery, including replacing my things with an enormous jar of cotton wool balls.

I gather from GN that there are plenty of officious young parents telling their parents what to do, while expecting help and free childcare without question.

I think that's a bit unfair. I'm a young (ish ) parent that's commented and I've never had or expected free childcare with any of my children.

Just like the one poster who has posted about her MIL that snatched the baby from her.

You can't tar everyone or every situation with the same brush. What works for one won't work for another.

I do agree her son was rude for whatever reason. That's true, but that's down to her son, not her DIL.