Manipulative sister part 2

Germanshepherdsmum

I would not serve meat in any form if it goes in the bin. Animals were not reared and slaughtered to be thrown in the rubbish. Norah’s suggestion sounds excellent and avoids too much waste - left over toast will be enjoyed by the birds.

Left over toast, even buttered or spread with cream cheese, can also be cut up in small dice and frozen for breakfast casseroles.

We use leftover cubed breads often, transformed into this-that.

Certainly never meat waste, as GSM said - not why animals are raised.

Either provide a light buffet so she can pick and choose. There should be no waste - I hate throwing away food. Or, ask her to bring a packed lunch. Food is getting more expensive.

i would just put out sandwiches, cake and biscuits, if she comment's just say, no point in cooking as you just put it in the bin, as i have not seen part one of this post, why does she come twice a week? why not make it once a week or say why don't we get a takeaway, stop putting up with this pettiness.

I would not serve meat in any form if it goes in the bin. Animals were not reared and slaughtered to be thrown in the rubbish. Norah’s suggestion sounds excellent and avoids too much waste - left over toast will be enjoyed by the birds.

Maybe as Urmstongran said, tell her that it is her company that you enjoy, you can eat anytime. Perhaps a light buffet type meal so you can both eat what you wish. If that fails, then invite her after lunch for coffee. No need for everyone else's meals to be disrupted. Awaiting a transplant must be stressful, but there is no need for everyone else to be dancing around trying to please if she is not being clear on what she can/will eat.

Nana56 Just wondering how anyone else would feel.

I'd feel sad if my sibling couldn't eat for whatever reason.

I'd serve tea, toast, butter, cream cheese and various home made pots of jam next visit - assuming she might happily eat. If that was another 'no' I'd re-think before the next visit.

I do serve tea/coffee with toast and jam often to GC and workers who help my husband - works a treat, everyone is pleased.

If this is the sister with renal failure, unless her food was cooked without salt, she probably cannot and should not eat it.

However judging from your previous post your sister knows exactly which buttons to press to upset you, so why bother to invite her?

Ask her just for coffee or tea, explaining that you are unsure whether her illness makes it unwise for her to eat what you cook or whether it is just not to her taste, but you aren't providing a meal next time she comes.

Just ask her what she fancies, perhaps she is over faced by a lot of food.

i think with kidney disease one has to avoid salt and potassium.
almost all foods contain these, so it can be difficult.
also it can be v depressing awaiting a transplant, wondering if when it will happen, the risk of it too.
i have some family history of such.
i would cut her some slack.

18Nana56

She comes as she lives alone, we're her only family. No friends. She has renal disease and is awaiting transplant

That is no excuse to be so unfriendly and hostile with you

Have a chat. Non confrontational.
Does it matter if she fancies 2 Weetabix with some chopped banana?
All food is good food.
Tell her it’s her company you enjoy and that it doesn’t matter really what she eats at your table.

Loss of appetite is very common with renal disease. So is nausea. Have you tried asking what she feels like eating? Perhaps she would prefer a liquid meal?

yes, just offer a buffet style, pick your own meal.
we can all get stuck in habits; maybe you are OP ?

She comes as she lives alone, we're her only family. No friends. She has renal disease and is awaiting transplant

That's a good idea, Hetty.
I read the previous thread and it's very complex, about you setting boundaries in some really difficult areas.

This is less difficult than some of the others so I wouldn't say no to it but Hetty's way I hope gives mimimum chance for manipulation and max chance of not *issing you off as its not "wasted".

Lathyrus - spot on, exactly! Repeating something that left you feeling annoyed is strange. I'd just have a 'bits and pieces' meal (a favourite) where salad, snacks, dips etc. are plonked on the table - along with some jacket potatoes, perhaps - and people help themselves to what they fancy. The rest goes back in the fridge for later.

Stop inviting her to eat with you. She's either very fussy, unwell, lost her appetite or being controlling. Only you know which fits. If she queries the lack of invite, point out that she obviously doesn't like your cooking so no point in offering.

I missed your last thread, sorry, so I may be misunderstanding. Sounds very weird to me.

Is it possible that she has a health problem that she's not telling you about? Bad teeth? Bad throat or stomach? Something making her embarrassed to eat?

Have you tried just putting food out and letting her help herself to what she wants? Is she eating before she gets to your house?

Is she coming to your house because it's a habit? Do you ever discuss whether she should come or not?

Why are you cooking for her? What are you getting from this repeated scenario.

It must be something because you keep on doing it.
Are you enjoying feeling hard done by?

If you decide to continue having her get a cheap ready meal.

Agree you are being taken for a ride. You don’t have to invite her, so don’t. She may be your sister but she is trying to dominate your life and that can’t be right.

Tell her. to buy her own ingredients for the meal she would like and you will cook it for her.......she might get her head out of her a**e if she has to spend some of her own money.

Why don’t you give up on the meal if she doesn’t want it. Ask her if she would like a sandwich. Get two different loaves and different filling, if not eaten it will all freeze until next week. Perhaps just a cuppa and a cake.

i don't understand this.
maybe she is ill ? or has an eating disorder ?
why does she come to eat with you, is she disabled.

Tell her how you feel!!! Or better still don't invite her to eat with you.

Ask her what meal she would eat as you have noticed that she does not eat what you serve.

The other alternative is to stop inviting her to eat with you, saying there is not point as she doesn’t eat it.