Manipulative sister part 2

I think the very small portion is a good idea if you want to "plate up" . You could invite her to look at what you're doing in the kitchen and say "is this enough - you can always have seconds"?
I do this for my mother-in-law who eats like a bird.

Yesterday she had a tiny portion and I gave her another tiny portion to take home for lunch/dinner today.

She likes not eating alone but no longer manages proper sized meals.

It's kind of you to be so considerate of her - in spite of everything.

I don't understand why you feel the need to pander to her.Just cook what you like... she's an adult she can help herself or wait til she gets home to eat..

I don’t understand why you plate up her food. I always leave people to help themselves.

Do you ever go to hers for dinner? Or why do you host her twice a week for dinner, without any 'return'?

I would say to her, in a very friendly manner - 'how about coming for coffee or a cuppa next week instead of dinner, as I have noticedyou don't enjoy the food I cook. Easier all round' and smile. See what happens.

Thanks for your input. I have started to tell her what i plan for dinner. If she doesn't fancy that I've suggested she bring something. Just I like your dinners. I'm starting to give her very small portion

Can't you give her a child size helping or even toddler size. If she doesn't watch her diet is there any point in a kidney transplant? Haven't read other thread though.

She is playing with you.
The fact that she has a renal diet and ignores it shows she is using it as a means of upsetting you and everyone else. Very foolish.

If you want your sister to continue coming, (and it is very good of you if you do) ask her the day before what she wants to eat and ask her to bring it with her, then there will be 'no problem with you buying the wrong food.' See how long that lasts.

how about letting her serve herself.
i prefer that scenario, the food on the table, take what you want.
feels more relaxed.
maybe her appetite is just shrunk.

Thanks for all your comments. I have asked her what she fancies and she says she likes my meals. As for diet she doesn't stick to renal diet. Eats what I consider unhealthy fast food.
Last week I said would cook burgers. That's lovely she said. Gave her small portion and half went in the bin. Aghh

I think I'd just invite her for a light, snack lunch, or perhaps even a coffee morning. Maybe just calmly explain that she doesn't seem to like anything you offer for dinner, and that you hate waste. Take it from there, depending upon her reaction, but don't be manipulated into doing things you don't want to. It's your life.

Have you thought of asking her over just for coffee and a chat? Or for lunch?
It may just be too late for her?
As Urmstongran says,
Tell her it’s her company you enjoy and that it doesn’t matter really what she fancies - ask what she'd like. It may be egg on toast. It may be to visit in the morning.

Why do you put yourself through these ‘wars’? Just need to change your attitude to this situation and don’t pander to family members. Life is too short and it certainly is creating ill feelings. Would these people do the same for you and pander to your likes and dislikes? I don’t think so. Best of luck.

As your sister has a serious renal problem she has to be careful with her diet - if unsure Google the DASH diet .

Offer her the best that you can prepare and then - if she doesn't eat it - you've done your best ... don't feel guilty .

Cook for yourself and enjoy it .

I've had three weeks of what I call The Ice Cream Wars with my father .
I have a whole freezer full of every type of ice cream and now , he wants steamed puddings with custard .

I've had the pasta wars , the biscuit wars ...

It is exhausting and thankless .

And I'm totally fed up with some members of my inconsiderate family and the endless food fads ... the so - called allergies .

Before now , I've blown nearly a weeks housekeeping on the right food and wine in Waitrose and if they turn up , they are very late and the food isn't this and it isn't that ...

Had a chat and apparently she enjoys meals !!

I would google research a renal diet, and also ask her if she has been given a list of foods to restrict or avoid.

I would also be busy for one of the visits and cut back to once per week - and see what happens then…

It is possible she doesn't want to admit it but she's lonely, and she comes to share time with you and maybe your grandchild, too!
Could, or would, you suggest going to a nearby cafe for a spot of lunch? Then you all get a bit of exercise and something else to talk about, and she can choose what she wants to eat!

I have just looked back on the thread and see she doesn’t eat bread, so assuming that means any bread sandwiches and toast are out. I can only suggest you’re upfront with her and ask her what she wants to eat and how much, and what her illness precludes her from eating, as she seems to throw a lot away. Surely as sisters you can talk honestly with one another.

I don’t know if this is a midday or evening meal as ‘dinner’ means different things to different people, but although I only eat a slice of toast for breakfast I can’t imagine wanting a large meal at what I call lunchtime.

I also thought it might be to do with her illness but she is making you feel resentful and I think you need to address this for your own sake.

Is it a definite invite for her to have a meal with you , or is she just visiting to spend time at your house?
If it’s not a definite meal invite just put out some homemade cakes and savory bits then if she wants to eat any of it that’s up to her.
If it’s a definite meal invite why don’t you ask her what she fancies before she comes

Yes, communication is so important. How else would anyone know another person’s feelings, likes, dislikes etc.?

I'm not sure why you are not asking her what she would like to eat or if she would like smaller portions etc ...as you have noticed that she is not eating much of what you cook! Acknowledge the renal failure and ask if there are foods she needs to avoid. If you are going to carry on inviting her, communicate. Otherwise give up inviting her!

Or, which is what we do in my house - everyone has a dinner plate and helps themselves from serving dishes. Your sister should then only take what she wants. If you dish everything up for her she is bound to chuck some of it away!

Is dinner too early in the day for your sister? Served around mid-day perhaps and she's not that hungry for a big meal.
Perhaps she's not bothered about having a dinner and doesn't like to tell you.
I would mention that you've noticed that most of the meal has to be thrown away and would she like a light meal instead,

Just put the food out in serving bowls and let her help herself, if she still throws the food in the bin then I would not invite he again.
I’m not sure why when you are doing the same thing you expect a different result.

Sounds to me as though she's got her hook into you, and she's playing you like a fish. Don't let her reel you in. I'd break the line by simply telling her that you don't see the point in her continuing to come for dinner, as she never seems to like what you prepare, and you hate waste. If you still want to see her on a regular basis, which I don't think I would, perhaps suggest a coffee morning instead. You can always look forward to eating any unconsumed biscuits/cakes yourself, at your own leisure. Take back control.