I'm feeling somewhat guilty....

M0nica

I am with the OP, I would feel uncomfortable. Howeve kind the gesture and whether he was tryingto impress the assistant or not, there is something patronising and self-regarding about the gesture. paying an old dears bill, poor old thing she probably only has state pension and will be grateful for it.

Plus seeing you as someone with no status as a person, just a stereotype he can patronise, look good in front of the assistant and walk off with a warm feeling of virtue at very little price.

I am totally with you on this one MOnica.
Kindness where it is needed is always to be applauded, but this was just patronising and possibly ageism.
Quite a different thing paying for shopping where someone in a supermarket for example, cannot afford to pay for all their items without putting some back.

JdotJ you are right - the man presumably had formed no opinion of chicken. He could not think she needed the ^Financial Times!

I agree- random act of kindness and you should accept with grace. Probably nothing to do with trying to impress anyone, that is a rather mean way of looking at it.

Random act of kindness- l paid for an older man’s lunch once in memory of my lovely Dad

chicken

Yes, I did thank him and, yes, I shall pay it on but I still wish it had been for someone who needed help. I'm comfortably off, live in a lovely house and don't want for anything so am in a very privileged position and certainly don't need handouts.

But the gentleman didn't know that did he. Just accept his kind gesture. We don't need to know that you are desperate to pay the money forward/will donate to a foodbank etc etc. Just say thank you Kind stranger.

I think I would have asked why he was paying for my items and reacted accordingly, if it was because I was old I would have explained that I was financially viable, if it because he wanted to be nice I would have accepted and given the money saved to a local food bank/charity. I’d hate to be so affronted as to stop, even though misguided, philanthropy

I would've said, "ooh you are AWFUL, but I LIKE you!", shoved him on the shoulder, hitched up my girly bits and minced off.

Pay it forward - that is what I do when someone does me a kindness, even if I didn't particularly want said kindness.

This is not guilt. Guilt is for something you've done wrong. You have done nothing wrong.

Paraphrasing (and I'm not religious but it still holds for godlessness): "God loves a grateful receiver." Be one.

If only all life could be more like this every day what a better place it would be

We were late for my operation and the car got stuck in mud wheels going round and round me and my daughter couldn’t move it getting really panicked A young man was going passed and I asked him if he could help he gave it his all getting quite muddy and practically lifted it out the mud
I put my arms round and gave him a kiss thanking him profusely He shrugged and said “Pay it on” After my daughter left me she saw an elderly man waiting for a bus looking very cold she offered him a lift to our town so she did pay it back

Its called "paying it forward " where someone has blessed him and he in turn has done it to you - he may have also felt embarrassed by holding you up.
The nicest thing you can do is to do something nice by doing something for someone else

Don’t be offended I hear about people doing this all the time . It’s just a gesture and you pass the kindness on by doing this for someone else…❤️

I think he did it because he kept you waiting. Simple as that. I would have accepted graciously.

If is a kindness thing, many people on FB do it. You didn't 'look' anything, he probably felt held held you up, and paying was the least he could do x

It seems an odd thing to do. Pay for a stranger’s shopping.

I too think it was probably a form of apology that he held you up, even if it was just a short moment.
It was meant as I nice gesture so take it as such - I am very very sure he did not mean to insult you or make you feel bad.
Take it in the spirit it was given and as you already said, you will pass it on.
Wished there would be more friendlyness and generosity in this world to go around. Smile and pay it forward.

I know how you feel as a similar thing happened to my husband and I. We were on our way home along the M4 when a pang of hunger lead us to MacDonalds at Reading services..Nobody can be that hungry I hear you say!🤣 Once inside we were navigating our way around the ‘self serve’ machine trying not to look too dim, when a young man next to us offered his help. We were of course very grateful, but then jokingly asked if he was going to pay for the meal as well, to which he responded ‘I already have’. We were totally gobsmacked and naturally felt really embarrassed. We tried desperately to pay him the £7.82 but he wouldn’t accept a penny. So very kind of him but like you, we felt our dynamic image somewhat tarnished. Although in our late 70’s, do we really look that needy?

I think that the 'pay it forward' thing is really taking off here now and that plus wanting to impress the young assistant was behind his gesture. Nothing at all to do with you or how you looked or what you were buying. I would have felt very uncomfortable too even though it was meant kindly.

I know how you feel , I’ve got myself into such a mindset that I rebuff all offers of help , I do thank anyone holding a door open ! But anyone offering to carry/fetch anything , gets an irritable no thanks , I can manage ! I’m my own worst enemy !

He possibly felt guilty for holding you up.
I think it was a lovely gesture,he may already know the assistant,hence the chatting.

Heavens, that a gesture of kindness could cause such offence! Nothing to do with age at all: when I was young, I was walking with my boyfriend and a man came out of a garden with some roses he'd just cut. I looked at them with admiration and he spontaneously picked one out and gave it to me. I was really touched. Please have the good manners to accept spontaneous kindness graciously. The person giving wasn't being malicious or unkind, just happy with life and hoping to spread it further.

Just accept it as a very kind gesture, nothing to feel upset or guilty about.. There are still some kind people in the world.

He was a gentleman, a somewhat rare species these days. 😉 I think you are overthinking this - consider yourself lucky.

You may encounter him again in the future. That will be your chance to thank him personally.

Be happy!
USA Gundy

Trying to impress the young woman ….accept it gracefully can’t you!?