Leaving something on your plate you dislike

Different things bother different people. There is a lot of intolerance on this thread, which is ironic considering that people are blaming the son for not tolerating the coleslaw .

Mostly that sort of thing wouldn’t bother me, and I would just leave something I didn’t want to eat; but I loathe the sight and smell of eggs, and if I am served one I would struggle to pretend it wasn’t there. It has happened when I’ve ordered gammon and specifically said ‘no egg’, and they appear unordered on breakfast plates. I smile, say ‘Oh, I ordered no egg - could you take it away please’. I don’t think that’s childish or ill-mannered. I don’t want to risk piercing the yolk when eating around it - just the thought of that is making me gag.

It was poor behaviour on his part, and I would have called him out, even if he is an adult.

Also, coleslaw is almost always served with fish and chips here! Often it is served in a little container on the side, especially with take out.

I think my reaction would depend on which of my children behaved like this. One of them, who I strongly suspect is autistic, has always had an aversion to certain foods and has equally strong reactions to anything that she finds wrong. She can't help it but as she has become older, she is getting better about how she reacts and we have become better at how we handle it. I know that if I was critical of her reaction, things would get worse so sometimes, least said, soonest mended.
One of my sons hates mayo but always checks that dishes don't include it and both of them would certainly know I didn't appreciate their ingratitude if I was paying the bill or I would tease them until they came out of it which they would.
I can't eat food that has baked bean juice on it or if it has coriander on it but I will usually ask if I think it might be a problem. If my food turns up with either ingredient, I will send it back if it hasn't been included in the ingredients. I don't sulk or get angry, I just politely explain why I can't eat it and ask them to change it. Most restaurants are happy to oblige and I always make my gratitude known.

There are some very insensitive replies on here.

Bytheway, as a couple of people mentioned, he could be on the spectrum. Behaviour like this is something someone with undiagnosed autistic traits could do. You would need to look at his overall behaviour over the years especially in comparison to siblings to get any hints if it's possible.

lemsip

oh dear , not good to write a thread running down your own son!

Yes, I bet the OP’s really glad now that she decided to have a bit of a vent on Gransnet.

What outrage over a little fit of pique that probably went unnoticed by everyone but her.

Respectfully, you are the one who brought him up. Didn’t you teach him basic manners?

I think that some single people, although not selfish, prioritise their needs and wants over someone with others to think about and it comes across as sulking when they don't get what they want

I would have felt the same as OP's son if certain foods that I detest appeared unwanted on my plate. I would probably have sent it back without hesitation.

I deplore the way some posters in this thread (including OP) have vilified single/childfree people as selfish and self centered, as though people in families never behave in this way. Families can be monumentally selfish self absorbed groups of people living in a happy bubble with no thought of anyone else outside their own little cotterie. Never forget that single people pay high taxes for many things that they do not want and cannot use. Including all the subs and handouts for people who have children.

@bytheway I wouldn't like that behaviour in any person, especially not in an adult. (My own children are 36 and 38.) What a bad example to give to the children that were present! He could've asked if anybody wanted his portion of coleslaw since he didn't want it, or simply left it on his plate with no comments. He was your guest and acted rude and totally out of order.

Yes, your sons attitude was childish to say the least . I completely agree with you . No need to have such a long face . Anyway, I know everyone is different but it goes great with fish n chips . Not sure why some people think it’s a weird combination. It’s a common side salad to a lot of food .

I agree with blossoming about the vileness of coleslaw so slimy!
The behaviour well, my SIL and GS do it...Perhaps it's common now.

Had I been in your son's position, namely getting a meal with something that hadn't been stated in the menu, on my plate, I would have told the waiting staff, sent it back to the kitchen and not just have the offending item removed, but a whole new plate of food prepared, especially if it were coleslaw because of its sloppy nature, it could have touched the other food items and contaminated them.
I have a lot of food allergies and intolerances, so eating out is a mess about for me anyway, so I don't want to add any additional messing around having to try cutting bits of contaminated food off and pushing things to one edge of my plate, I just want to be able to eat the food I've actually ordered.
At least I don't sit pulling faces and messing with my food.

My husband gets very irritated when he orders a dish which turns up including spinach, even though it hasn't been mentioned on the menu. It's understandable as it will actually make him sick! We have been to places where he has ordered almost the only dish on the menu which was spinach-free, only to find that it did contain it.

He now has learnt to simply ask the staff to take it away and make him something else, but it is amazing how many of them are stroppy about it.

He doesn't like being given bits of salad garnish on his plate either, but just leaves it,

If I get something on my plate that I do not care for, I just push it to one side and get on with my meal (garden peas would be a good example, hate them!). No point in whining about it - if someone is that bothered about what is on their plate then they should make sure to ask first what is included and request the removal of any offending items.

oh dear , not good to write a thread running down your own son!

True. But then again, if the son behaves like a mature adult of 38, instead of like a spoilt brat of 7, OP might come back with a thread about how lovely her offspring is. At the moment, that wouldn't be possible would it?

Why is the fact that the son is single an issue?

I would just ignore him which is what he deserves.

oh dear , not good to write a thread running down your own son!

I would tell your son that if all he has to worry about in life is a dollop of coleslaw on his plate …… then he is indeed very lucky, he seriously needs to grow up !

kittylester

Coleslaw is a strange thing to have with fish and chips.

He should have just coped but I don't think you should mention it - he is 38 after all and his mum pulling him up might not go down too well.

If that had happened to me (although not with coleslaw as even though I don't love it I could eat it!) but with something else I really didn't like being unexpectedly on my plate of food I would calmly and politely ask a member of the waiting staff to put my food onto another plate without the offending unasked for addition...please!
I think the 38 year old sounds maybe a little unhappy/lonely and lacking in confidence and as others have mentioned, with only having himself to think about he has maybe lost the ability to decide what's worth throwing a wobbly over and what just really isn't! Not having anyone to counter balance or comment on your behaviour can encourage over reaction to the little irritations of life, sort of a loss of proportion? Or maybe's he's just a miserable and not very nice person?!

A 38 year old behaving like you say over something he doesn't like being served up, I'd be embarrassed to say he was my offspring.

How does one deal with adult childishness like that in public with a close family member? I sometimes have the same problem with a son of mine but in his case he's very incapacitated with progressive condition. Do you ignore or what?

Extremely childish behaviour, btw. Very bad manners too, in front of the children. I would have felt embarrassed if it was my son.

I would ignore him and tell him later what a bad example he was showing to GC.

I hate coleslaw, but, if I eat out and it appears on the plate I usually pass it to Beloved who loves it.

Win win, nothing gets wasted and Beloved gets extra.

I would be annoyed at him too but maybe he was just having a very bad day.