Feeling left out

On this site we are anonymous. That's why we can let others know our TRUE feelings... we don't have to hide anything as nobody knows who we are. MT is saying how SHE truly feels. That's the point of Gransnet. Her feelings are her feelings and are totally valid. She isn't asking to be shot down in flames. Her DIL sounds dreadful yet she has to put up with her for fear of alienation. I hear of many stories like this. I am not sure I fully appreciated my MIL in the early days yet as I myself matured and she got older I came to love her dearly. This is what I wish for MT.

Juliet27

Difficult situation. It’s a slightly concerning pregnancy situation and the dil is feeling vulnerable - only wants the comfort of her mother knowing and doesn’t want to discuss elsewhere. It’s a concern for the son too and needed to share it with his mum so it’s a difficult situation for him but mum will no doubt keep the secret despite feeling hurt.

This above would be my response.

OP, the dripping sarcasm here >As long as I’m a good girl and do exactly as I’m told whilst DIL can make no effort at all it will all be fine and dandy.< - do you think your DIL might see, or suspect the poor opinion you have of her?
and
>So many stories to tell and even my other daughter in laws find her behaviour odd< -

You and your other DIL's discuss her behind her back? She's having a difficult pregnancy and lets be honest here, if you were to ask questions would it be in showing sympathy for her, or more in a "I have a right to know!" tone of voice? I honestly don't want to upset you more than you are already, but your DIL has chosen to not make it known, so her wishes should be observed here, not yours.

Sorry but until the baby is born it is the DIL's private medical information and I would be very disappointed if my DH blabbed against my wishes.

Please give her a break and don't make her medical complications all about your hurt feelings. TBH if you are prepared to make her (possibly life threatening) complications about your "equal rights" - I can see why she doesn't want you to know.

Having pregnancy complications is very, very stressful - especially when the outcome will not be certain for some weeks. Sometimes it just adds to the anxiety when you are constantly asked about what is going on? what are the doctors going to do? Why don't they know? From experience I know that it can make a stressful time much, much worse.

Too many aggressive comments and lack of sympathy on this thread. Fortunately we are all different and react differently to varying situations.
Good luck Moaning Turtle in the future with DIL relations

You are not alone, many of us do the same.

Families you can’t pick them can you? Our SiL doesn’t have a great relationship with his own family he gets on with us. But for some reason I know he monitors what our DD talks about with us. I just think in laws can be very odd at times even our own families can be too.
Yes such behaviour is hurtful and downright tactless and not deserved especially feeling left out. But you have a good relationship with your son that’s more important it would be to me.

Thanks so much for your kind suggestion Welbeck but I won’t need it.
I keep my mouth firmly shut which is why I seek support elsewhere.
As long as I’m a good girl and do exactly as I’m told whilst DIL can make no effort at all it will all be fine and dandy.

MoaningTurtle

Norah
So how am I supposed to have a relationship with my beloved grandson?
You honestly think I’m in the wrong because I’m sad that we don’t get to see much of him?
Really?

I answered to ^she sees her mum during the week but doesn’t ever come to us, doesn’t want my son to ever tell us anything.
Am I wrong to find this hurtful?^

You're conflating your GS relationship with seeing dil during the week? You didn't ask that, separate issue to dils health.

there is an active estrangement section on this forum, if ever you should need it, OP.

Of course I dont know about your efforts with your dil. I was giving my thoughts based on your post.
No reason to be hurt, pregnancy is a difficult time.

Violet Sky

What rubbish, I’m not ruining anything. I’ve kept my opinions to myself for the last ten years.
I guess it’s ok to have human feelings though!

Norah
So how am I supposed to have a relationship with my beloved grandson?
You honestly think I’m in the wrong because I’m sad that we don’t get to see much of him?
Really?

Your son shouldn't have told you

And you don't need to know what is going on in her uterus, that's her body... One more person stressed and worried will put more stress on a pregnant woman

And I just saw the "rabid feminist" comment as I scrolled back to check a detail and honestly... I think you are going to ruin this relationship and probably won't accept it's your own fault

Missing missing reasons!

MoaningTurtle she sees her mum during the week but doesn’t ever come to us, doesn’t want my son to ever tell us anything. Am I wrong to find this hurtful?

Yes.

She may see her mum without seeing you, never come alone to see you, and want to keep her life private - normal I'd say.

I'm with Moaning Turtle. You have every right to feel hurt

Welbeck.

Yes, and? It’s all true and hurtful.

Shelflife

Thank you.

MoaningTurtle

Welbeck can you elaborate on that please, what exactly have I done wrong?

i was answering final sentence of your OP :

I understand it’s her pregnancy and totally up to her what she does but this is just typical of her, she sees her mum during the week but doesn’t ever come to us, doesn’t want my son to ever tell us anything.
Am I wrong to find this hurtful?

Of course your son wants to confide in you! I wouldn't worry too much about this . If your son confides in you take that, be pleased and keep stum. I understand your DIL wants only her Mum to know - I respect that, but this baby is your son's child too. DIL will be feeling vulnerable just now , I get that. My thoughts are be there for your son , listen to what he wants to tell you and and keep quiet about it. Your son has been accused of lying to his wife - for goodness sake this is no big deal and certainly does not stir up trouble for the future. There will be bigger challenges than this for them in the future. All this will blow over . Enjoy your new GC when it arrives!

She seemed to like me enough when I was helping them out financially, coming over once a week with my grandson, that stopped immediately when we could no longer afford it!

Welbeck can you elaborate on that please, what exactly have I done wrong?

I didn’t ask to be told of any issues, my son told me but didn’t realise my DIL wouldn’t want us to know. He wouldn’t have said anything had he known.

you are wrong OP.
your attitude shows why your d.i.l. is not keen on you.
if you continue in this way, likely you will be NC/LC with that family going forward.

@Silverlining
With all due respect you have no idea how much effort I have made and how often we have been rejected.
So many stories to tell and even my other daughter in laws find her behaviour odd.