Feeling left out

It's as much your son's right to share this news as it is his wife's

@pascal30
This is my opinion. Why does she get to tell him what he can and can’t say?!

It's her pregnancy but it's their child she's carrying and I agree MoaningTurtle "why does she get to tell him what he can and can't say" and why does he let her?

I can understand your upset but it is a vulnerable time for her. It is after all her body and it is really up to her who she chooses to know and discuss the details of her pregnancy. I'm afraid you have to follow her lead here.

I guess it’s because he hates confrontation of any kind. I think he will tell me anyway but I have to pretend not to know.

Sassysayso
Yes I understand that but that’s her nature anyway, this is just an example.
Not forgetting of course it’s also my son’s baby and he should be allowed to seek reassurance from his own mother.

At least he does tell you MoaningTurtle .

I thought couples today talk about 'their pregnancy', 'we're pregnant' etc. sassysaysso.

That’s very true @Smileless2012.

What your son did is wrong and he may get in trouble for it later

I hope he stops sharing info about another person with you on the down low - he is not respecting his wife's wishes

It is not up to him to share somebody else's medical history- what a betrayal and breach of confidence

Your dil is the patient here - not him.
She has her right to privacy

You feel left out because your expectations of being included in certain events do not match with the other party

Please adjust that or you will feel hurt a lot very in a unreasonable manner

If your son was that non confrontational, he would not risk upsetting his wife

However, he is risking a fight with her to make you (or him) happy

That means he is not on the same page with his wife.

Trouble is brewing and won't end well

Well, if it was me, I'd feel exactly the same as you MT. After all you are going to be a grandmother. Being kept informed about the way things are going is perfectly normal and as it should be.

I think your son was wrong to go against his wife's wishes by sharing her private medical information.

The d.i.l. is the one who is wrong here Hithere, not the OP's son. She is carrying their child and as the father of that child he has every right to share any news/concerns with his own mother.

The OP feels left out because it appears that her d.i.l. doesn't want her to be included. Her son has every right to confide in his own mother about the progress of the pregnancy of his and his wife's child.

No I don’t think you’re wrong, I would find it hurtful too. She is carrying the baby, yes, but it’s just as much your son’s baby as it is hers.

This isn't his wife's "private medical information" it is information pertaining to the pregnancy which as the father of the child, he's entitled to share with his mother if he so wishes.

A woman doesn't stop to exist as an individual just because she is pregnant - she doesn't become everybody's personal business because you are DNA related

If that was the case, dil still carries the yet not fertilized eggs with her for decades - does it mean she has no right to privacy because she may get pregnant anytime?

No wonder op and dil don't get along, another meddlesome and disrespectful mil and we all know where this ends

I can understand why you are hurt, but if she has said she only wants her own mum to know then your son really should have respected her wishes.
Perhaps the way forward is to try and build a stronger relationship with your DIL. Don't wait for her to come to you - offer to meet her for a coffee, treat you both to a spa day etc. (apologies if you have already tried this sort of thing!)

As for son's "right" to discuss his wife's pregnancy, I am reminded if a line spoken by Rachel in Friends : "No uterus, no opinion."

Hithere this is not a "meddlesome and disrespectful mil"! This is someone who loves her son very much, and obviously keen and anxious to know how a pregnancy is progressing - one which will, all being well, mean she will have a lovely new grandchild. This is hugely important to her as it would be to most of us.

So this will blow some posters' minds-
You know you are not entitled to be informed about your precious and only reason for living grandchildren's health, right?

It is up to the parents to decide who knows what

Way to demote the dil to an incubator role and then the poster wonders what is wrong

So your son deliberately lied to his wife and you see nothing wrong with that?

If he genuinely believes information about this pregnancy should be shared, he needs to grow a backbone and have that conversation with his wife.

If I were his wife, and I found out he had deceived me, and had shared what he had agreed was private information, I’d be thinking long and hard about whether I wanted a relationship with someone I couldn’t trust.

Feelings aren't wrong, they are feelings but NOBODY has the right to know what is going on with someone else's pregnancy. Doctors won't even tell the biological or other father details unless the mother permits. I don't think that's resenting your existence, its expecting to have control of her own health information.

Smileless2012

The d.i.l. is the one who is wrong here Hithere, not the OP's son. She is carrying their child and as the father of that child he has every right to share any news/concerns with his own mother.

The OP feels left out because it appears that her d.i.l. doesn't want her to be included. Her son has every right to confide in his own mother about the progress of the pregnancy of his and his wife's child.

Well said Smileless, I couldn't agree more!

It seems hugely unfair that the DIL controls all what her DH is allowed to share with his own mum. It is his baby too after all and the sooner he speaks to his wife about her controlling attitude the better.

I do wonder how much influence the DIL's mother is having in all this too.

Laughing at the rabid feminist replies here. What a load of crap!
The baby is 50% my son’s and fyi I’m only concerned that the pregnancy is going well for all of them.
My son had already told immediately after the scan, I guess he thought it wouldn’t be a problem which is why he’s asked me not to mention it.