Feeling left out

VioletSky

Pregnancy is terrifying, uncomfortable and wonderful

Also full of hormones

As is having a new baby

I've never been so simultaneously exhausted and full of energy, joyously happy and miserable in my whole life

Always be a person who doesn't add stress to anyone going through that

They won't forget

Wise words VS

Quadrupled

Triple that

Exactly@ MercuryQueen

If I knew two friends were gossiping about me behind my back, I wouldn’t want anything to do with them, and absolutely wouldn’t want them to have upsetting news about me.

I don’t see family being an exception to that. Why should someone tolerate behaviour from family that they wouldn’t from others? Isn’t family supposed to treat you BETTER?

She is probably feeling more concerned than they are letting on. I can see that it is hurtful to you, but I expect her relationship with her Mum is much closer and she is afraid you might comment on the matter or want to discuss it when she doesn't feel able to without getting emotional.

Best to use close friends for support and stay neutral in families

If it were a mother talking badly about the other parent to her children, it would be parental alienation

It works the same way

Where did the DIL behave badly? By not falling in line with her MIL? There is no evidence of that. Sometimes people in families don’t feel the same closeness. That’s not a reason to paint them as behaving badly.

And no, we generally don’t get together to discuss things we don’t like about other family members. Gossip in the family has no positives. It’s incredibly divisive and if it happened in my home where two of my DIL’s were discussing the other, I’d ask them not to do that in my home. I cannot imagine stooping low enough to join, like catty school girls smh.

eddiecat78

There has been criticism of the OP and her other DILs talking about the pregnant DIL. Just as a matter of interest, does that mean that if one member of a family behaves badly no-one else is allowed to mention it? I'm pretty sure that if I was a pain in the neck my children would talk about it amongst themselves

That's because they are your children and as such they occupy a special place in your life. No one else will ever do this. Would you be happy if they then discussed your behaviour with say their partner's family and told them how awful you are?
We only have the OP's version anyway. It may well be that the DILs talk behind her back and say how awful she is.

🤦🏼‍♀️

There has been criticism of the OP and her other DILs talking about the pregnant DIL. Just as a matter of interest, does that mean that if one member of a family behaves badly no-one else is allowed to mention it? I'm pretty sure that if I was a pain in the neck my children would talk about it amongst themselves

maddyone

Haven’t you got something else to get on with VS? Maybe something you enjoy? Instead of going endlessly round in circles reiterating your position?
This thread has run its course and I’m not trying to be the thread police but this discussion has been pointless for at least 24 hours.
I’m off to watch some paint dry!

Why the personal attack? It’s your choice to engage her or not. Your choice to engage or leave the thread. This is the online equivalent of making a big, unsolicited announcement and taking some parting shots on the way out…much like the OP who couldn’t handle being told she wasn’t innocent and right .

Delila

Well…… I imagine the OP is feeling ground down and trampled underfoot after reading all this, her character ripped to shreds. Being a mother-in-law is a dangerous role to fill these days.

And yet with 3 if my own, I cannot relate.

VioletSky

MercuryQueen right?

It's not information about the baby, it's information about the mother. It is the mother who may need surgery should the placenta not move. Let her have a bit of space to deal with the possibility of a serious surgery. I'd rather do my first 4 labours back to back than deal with that recovery

Well, according to the OP the DIL has no reason to be concerned about the possibility of major abdominal surgery. After all, the OP had 6 children herself. No one else’s experiences matter. And according to the OP’s defenders here, usual DIL haters, this is a perfectly civilised position to take. And the DIL is wrong for not wanting to be close to someone who lacks such basic concern and respect.

eddiecat78

I give up. I'm starting to hope some of you go on to experience this in your family and then your eyes might be opened

I respect my DILs’ rights to their own medical info and bodily autonomy. I don’t treat them as incubators, so I suspect if issues do arrive it won’t be because I am trying to put myself at the center of their personal business. Their bodies are their personal business.

If the OP struggles to understand these basic tenets, I am not shocked the DIL has kept her at arms length for 10 years. Seems safe and sensible with a MIL who gets together to talk behind your back with her other DILs.

That should say, if she does that with just you, you may have said etc

*doesn’t want my son to ever tell us anything.
Am I wrong to find this hurtful?*

No you are not wrong to find this hurtful.

There are some people in life who we all have to tread on eggshells.

For whatever reason, your dil sounds like that[not especially about the pregnancy, but in general].
Your son sounds like he may being doing that too? Walking on eggshells around her?
Some husbands are perfectly content to do that sort of thing. For ever. Some are not. At least not in the longer term.

If she is just being hesititant to say anything to you in general, it may be her.
If she just does it with you, you may have said things, or many things in the past which she found unpleasant or hurtful?

Going forward.
I dont think there will be much you can do in the short term. Other than watch your ps and qs. A lot.

It’s possibly pointless because the original poster is long gone, but it can always help someone else perhaps.
Welcome to GN by the way gbtat

Yes, all families are different Goodbyetoallthat. When we were having our boys, I didn't expect Mr. S. to keep anything from his mum. Thankfully there were no complications or concerns but had there been, I certainly wouldn't have told him he couldn't talk to his mum about them.

I agree that there's the possibility of always been asked about a potential problem and being defined by it, but some ridiculous conclusions have been jumped too on this thread and I cannot see how they can possibly be construed as trying to help or offering support.

Why is it pointless?
I am relatively new to the MIL club so am interested in other posters experience.
Mind you i would probably find watching paint dry quite relaxing!

maddyone

Haven’t you got something else to get on with VS? Maybe something you enjoy? Instead of going endlessly round in circles reiterating your position?
This thread has run its course and I’m not trying to be the thread police but this discussion has been pointless for at least 24 hours.
I’m off to watch some paint dry!

No, I am quite happy

Well that's telled youse all!

Haven’t you got something else to get on with VS? Maybe something you enjoy? Instead of going endlessly round in circles reiterating your position?
This thread has run its course and I’m not trying to be the thread police but this discussion has been pointless for at least 24 hours.
I’m off to watch some paint dry!

eddiecat78

I give up. I'm starting to hope some of you go on to experience this in your family and then your eyes might be opened

How do you know we haven't and we are not posting from experience? Some of us don't share personal details and assuming that we are not giving good advice, which we know works, is simply wrong.

eddiecat78

Sorry *VioletSky" but I have read many of your posts and I can't recall a single one where you have changed your opinions after "listening to those with a different perspective ".
I'm not going to engage further - it is pointless and depressing

Oh goodness

Well, I am not sure you have read all of my posts, unless you have been following me in some way

But yes my opinions are very subject to change and do... Maybe they just don't change in a direction you agree with

Sometimes it depends who I am talking too, if they have a clear animosity towards me and tend to get a bit personal, there is definitely less chance I will take them seriously