Do you have to be "The Best"

Theexwife

I am not competitive at all and do not think I have anything or do anything to boast about.

I am also one of those people who if at first, I don't succeed, I give up.

Me too

I am not a perfectionist and it seems to suit me . My Mum was easy going and relaxed , I was never made to feel a failure she would say " if you did your best that's good enough " ( in some ways I wish she had pushed me just a little!). However both my parents loved me and were proud of me . I was taught not to cry over spilt milk and that tomorrow was another day. If things were going wrong in my life she would listen and empathize but not allow me to wallow in despondency. Not pushed enough -maybe, but rather that than enormous pressure to succeed! I think I was very lucky!

No I certainly don’t have to be the best! Not competitive at all, simply me

The only time I get competitive is I'm playing some game or other against my brother, he is competetive I love to beat him

I think the competitive ones have low self-esteem - or think far too highly of others. Life isn't a race and why expect others to care so much about what you do?

I do set myself high standards, though (always have) and will put great effort into perfecting things. I don't crow about it or expect so much from others.

I've often been the 'leader' or 'boss' as I'm stupid enough to take on too much responsibility. I've felt really good about getting top marks for things but tried to keep it quiet.

I don’t see the point in doing anything unless you intend to give it your best shot. Doesn’t matter if others do it better as long as you know you’ve done your very best.
I have been known to cup the Q in my palm and return it to the bag if nearing the end of a scrabble game with no accessible U. Please don’t tell Orlin. Competitive? Moi?

I cant tell you how many ordinary skills Ive given up on because I found them stressful or had no real interest in them - driving (I had panic attacks) playing the guitar (I got bored) swimming, skating (never sporty).

I remember once telling the sports teacher I had no interest in sport because I was no good at it and wouldnt be looking for a job as a sports teacher. The school reports used to say that I only put in the effort at the things I was good at - art, French, writing and history.

No. I am pretty incompetent at most things, and am comfortable with that. Who said " She is very modest : but she has a lot to be modest about" ? That's me.

Oreo

MerylStreep

I’m a Virgo. I can’t help being a perfectionist.

I know a Virgo who’s just the same 😬 not me btw it drives me crazy at times.
I like to do a good job but not at all competitive.

I’m married to one so I know just how exact they are, drives me crazy too. I’m a Leo and we clash on a lot of things. I take the view that as long as I get something done then that’s fine but I think there are times when I drive him crazy as he’s always right!. Himself has to do some things over and over again till he’s happy with it. I do like to be the best sometimes and can be very competitive 😚.

Please would all you people with Virgo partners ask how you got them to behave like their birth sign. The Virgo in this family is the antithesis of what a Virgo is meant to be.

I always said that I could never marry anyonewho smoked or was untidy. DH hid his untidiness very well until we were married. His idea of tidiness is making sure that whatever it is left wherever it shouldn't be, is in a neat and tidy pile or properly folded. No clothes or towels left lying on the floor, just neatly folded and left on the bed!

Mmmmm…..you’ve got me thinking …..I’m a Virgo too ….but have this trait to do the best I can to my ability (on that day or at that time) and then let it go and move on. Just don’t support the idea of making hyper demands on myself. Definitely I’ve moved into that era of believing life is not a race, but a ride - at my pace - and to enjoy! After all, there’s always tomorrow…..

Hetty58

I think the competitive ones have low self-esteem - or think far too highly of others. Life isn't a race and why expect others to care so much about what you do?

I do set myself high standards, though (always have) and will put great effort into perfecting things. I don't crow about it or expect so much from others.

I've often been the 'leader' or 'boss' as I'm stupid enough to take on too much responsibility. I've felt really good about getting top marks for things but tried to keep it quiet.

I can’t speak for other posters but speaking for myself you couldn’t be more wrong in your assumption that we lack self esteem. If it was Olympic sport I would take the gold medal.
My OH is a perfectionist. His self esteem is off the chart.

I don't think I have low self esteem, though I did suffer a somewhat unhappy childhood where my mother (a teacher) was extremely critical. If I got 10/10 in a spelling test she used to say why didn't I get 11. When I won a dancing competition, she would always pick out a split second where my foot wasn't pointed enough. So I guess I pushed myself, firstly to please, but later to prove I was actually world class!
I think we are all different and whether very ambitious or somewhat laid back, we all get by in life.
You could knock my Virgo husband over with a feather. He isn't driven to be best, but he is very organised.

Just a simple race finisher!

M0nica

Please would all you people with Virgo partners ask how you got them to behave like their birth sign. The Virgo in this family is the antithesis of what a Virgo is meant to be.

I always said that I could never marry anyonewho smoked or was untidy. DH hid his untidiness very well until we were married. His idea of tidiness is making sure that whatever it is left wherever it shouldn't be, is in a neat and tidy pile or properly folded. No clothes or towels left lying on the floor, just neatly folded and left on the bed!

I think boarding school had a lot to do with it.

I'm a perfectionist, so I have to do things right. I can't let things go if they're not correct, or not up to my standard. This is why I live alone! Lol! I was dx'd as being on the autistic spectrum in my late 50's, which answers so many questions regarding my need for perfection. Having said that, I don't boast, I don't have a need to get "one up" on others, and I'm not a leader. Definitely not a leader! Weirdly, considering my need for perfection, I'm not that competitive. I adjust my competitiveness to the ability of those I'm competing against. If I'm playing squash with a good squash player, then I'm ultra-competitive, even though I know I won't win (I'm terrible at squash), but if I'm playing with someone who's never played, I'm not at all competitive. If I play chess with my ex-h, I'm competitive, if I play with my 12 year old GD, I'm not at all. When I was much younger I dated a guy who was ultra-competitive about everything! He tried to teach me how to play badminton but was so determined to win that I learnt nothing. It was just serve, point, serve, point, as the shuttlecock whizzed past my head. That taught me that there's a time and place for everything. I did learn how to play, from another friend, quite well and so I then very cheerfully, and with great relish, totally thrashed said boyfriend. He would never play any sport with me again....

Nightsky DH was state educated and lived at home. i went to bording school (army background), but was tidy long before I went. DGD is also very tidy, despite everyone else in her household being untidy. Neither of us are Virgos.

Not competitive in the slightest, i do what I do, end of. I always put my own stamp on the proceedings, whatever im doing which leaves me with contentment that I have done best of my ability.

I would never consider boasting about anything, something psychological going on there if a person feels the need to be bigger and better and boast !

😃

M0nica

Please would all you people with Virgo partners ask how you got them to behave like their birth sign. The Virgo in this family is the antithesis of what a Virgo is meant to be.

I always said that I could never marry anyonewho smoked or was untidy. DH hid his untidiness very well until we were married. His idea of tidiness is making sure that whatever it is left wherever it shouldn't be, is in a neat and tidy pile or properly folded. No clothes or towels left lying on the floor, just neatly folded and left on the bed!

I’m a Virgo and although I’m a stickler for accuracy/tidiness in facts, accounts etc. at home it’s a case of ‘a place for everything and everything out of place’, but despite that I can always find things.

I am a bit of a perfectionist, with high expections of myself.
However, I have never wanted to be the best, I know I never would be able to achieve that!

That's a good way of putting it, high expectations of myself. Most of the time no one else is even involved or bothered .
People often get the wrong end of the stick when they say others are boasting.

Juliet27 Ah, there is the rub, DH can never find anything, and there are regular panics as we try to locate, his glasses, wallet phone, car keys, the particular spanner/screwdrive he needs instantly.