Daughter's weight gain

Out of curiosity, how tall is your daughter and what is her weight?
My DD is 5'6" & looks fat but it's muscle from running around everywhere! She, unfortunately, just has what we used to refer to as 'thunder thighs' but it is muscle!!
Some people are just predisposed to be bigger, and some doctors just do not accept this!

That’s her Mum moved a new boyfriend in.

Wish we could edit.

campbellwise

This discussion has helped me to process how to proceed with our 13 year old granddaughter who is comfort eating. Her daddy- our son - died three years ago and she is having counselling for depression and anger issues. It’s such a minefield that on balance I feel we should just clear our house of biscuits, sweets etc etc and only offer her nutritious food and SAY NOTHING.

That’s a very difficult time in most young girls lives isn’t it? With new schools, hormones, spots, friendships etc.

When my oldest niece was 12 her parents split up. Her Mum insisted her Dad moved out and he did to a one bed flat so there would be no disruption for the 3 kids. My niece was heartbroken and even more so when just a few weeks later moved her new boyfriend in. She had a little part time job when she reached 13 and spent her earnings on comfort food. Believe it or not, the boyfriend lived there for 6 years and my niece never spoke to him once in all that time and if he entered the room she walked out.

As she was so unhappy she ate and ate and gained about 8 stones!! When she was about 19 she finally told me what she had been doing and why she was so unhappy.

If I were you I would gently try and get her to talk about things and maybe have a day out together and treat her to some new clothes and tell her how lovely she looks. It’s a lot easier to lose a small amount than it is to lose massive amounts like my niece had to.

So very sorry about your son Campbellwise

This discussion has helped me to process how to proceed with our 13 year old granddaughter who is comfort eating. Her daddy- our son - died three years ago and she is having counselling for depression and anger issues. It’s such a minefield that on balance I feel we should just clear our house of biscuits, sweets etc etc and only offer her nutritious food and SAY NOTHING.

My DH was grossly overweight with many other health problems mostly associated with being obese. What spurred him into losing weight was being put on anti-depressants.

Do you know if she has ever been evaluated for PCOS? It's increasingly common in women of reproductive age (estimated to affect at least 1 in 10), and could explain the sugar cravings/weight gain. I wouldn't ask her, but do you know if the birth control evaluation was intended to help with any other unnamed symptoms?

Best not to say anything unless you are actually asked for support or advice . Until she is motivated to do something about her weight herself there is nothing you can say or that will help and might make matters worse. She needs to research this herself. The Nutracheck app or my Fitness Pal are both very good, as both enable calories intake and activity to be monitored daily on mobile phone. The body needs to be in 'calorie deficit' to lose weight ( points and syn counting often does not work long term as lifestyle changes are needed) . What is interesting to note is that on average one pound of body fat contains 3500 calories so eating 500 calories less per day will creat a deficit to support one pound a week loss for the average person. Equally interesting is that eating or drinking only 120 excess calories per day will increase body weight by a pound per month or 12 lb per year which is why weight gain can creep on without being noticed and where person is in denial about their intake. For young women, it can be small snacks, biscuits, chocolate and alcohol that adds empty calories to the weekly intake coupled with lack of portion control and not enough exercise to use up the calorie intake. Shift work won't help either. Unfortunately social media has too much content that suggests that weight loss is easy. It isn't, and takes huge amount of willpower and motivation. If you daughter does go on a diet you can support her by not having unhealthy food in the house, using smaller dinner plates for everyone, encouraging exercise like walking or jogging or taking up a sports, and making sugary treats like cakes and puddings an occasional treat rather than including them automatically after every main meal.

Hi great responses I guess. May i ad if it's dopamine balance needed you can buy rather than get on antidepressent bandwagon. please Google Trudi Scott she is great at explaining which brain chemical you may need by your personal symptoms. Like dopamine serotonin tryptofan etc ( 5Htp is serotonin) If a brain chemical can stop cravings and binges how good is that it may be the key how some never ever binge
Please note if checking thyroid tge Endocrineologest says to be 'under 2'. Sorry to bat on but I think it's vital to know as gp says you're fine up to 4.6!!? How can this be?

Seems she's shared with you that she's clinically obese so as you know all about it why not sit down with her and ask if there's any help you can give to work out an eating plan that will help her to lose weight and be healthier. Stress of course that it's her health you're concerned with and not her appearance.

LouLou23

I strongly advise that you do not mention her weight to her. I would absolutely support her if or when she feels comfortable talking to you about it. She is an adult and not only that she is aware of what she needs to do and absolutely struggling with her self esteem and confidence as we all do when we put on weight. Her self esteem and confidence are the things you should be fortifying. Adult children need their Mom to unconditionally love them throughout their lives. We are the only ones who can provide that. My own mother commented on my weight gain of about 3 stones after I gave birth to 3 babies. Her comments have stayed with me my entire life. We Moms and Grandmoms have to fight the temptation to "control" our children and grandchildrens lives. To our perhaps shock, they don't need us to "Fix it". They just need us to love them. She will figure it out when she is ready. Its hard not to want to go in and tell them what they could do and give suggestions "for their own good" but it is not what they need. And it is not what we need when we are facing the similar. Best of luck!

My mum was very controlling about food (I suspect she had an undiagnosed eating disorder) and as a teenager I was under weight, this has led to a life long unhealthy relationship with food and I am now very over weight through comfort eating!

Sorry for hijacking Gabigirl’s thread.
Update : He came over with his sister, yesterday. They were on their way to their other Grandma’s house, for tea. He seemed fine. The reason I hadn’t heard from him was due to the fact that he was busy revising for his resits. Mind you, I don’t hear from family on a daily basis, anyway. He knows his Nan loves him. However, lesson learnt. I shall think before I open my mouth and will refrain from being the ‘food police’. Thanks all x

silverlining48

Would agree with Oreo.
Best not to talk about weight unless they bring the subject up and even then talk more about healthy eating rather than weigh gain. It really does not help.

This!

I think you maybe first tell your daughter you love her whatever her weight, so not critisizing her at all, but then you could mention you now see how she's struggeling and offer her to tackle her problem together, to be at her side - even if her GP doesn't offer much help.

I hope the doctor has checked for thyroid issues

I used to hyperfocus on losing weight. Would lose nearly 2 stone, then lose interest and pile it all back on again.

Hi, before you wrote about adhd I was thinking that may be the problem. She (like her sister) may have adhd but the inattentive type rather than the hyperactive type. She may be seeking dopamine and seratonin via foods if it low and over eating be because of that. If she sees her GP antidepressants will help massively with anxiety and stress even if she doesnt feel depressed. If her seratonin and dopamine improve it may well help with her over eating. She may also like to seek an adhd diagnosis and take medication for it as they are appetite suppressants when they work.

Hope he doesn’t CrazyH

MerylStreep

crazyH

Just last week, I made the admittedly, terrible mistake of telling off my 21 year old grandson for having a packet of crisps at 11pm, considering we had a heavy lunch and heavy dinner (we were on a weekend away with my son and family). I get the feeling he is upset with me as he hasn’t texted or phoned me. I think he is comfort eating, because he failed his Degree. He is not overweight, but I was worried that he could get that way. I
explained my reasons to him but I just get the feeling he is upset.
I would advise you not to say anything. She has spoken to you about it and is seeing the Doctor. You are doing all the right things. Sometimes, we say things with the best intentions, but it can turn round and bite us. You have a good relationship with her. Keep it that way xx

Good lord, you told off a 21yr old man for having a bag of crisps at 11pm. No wonder he’s giving you the cold shoulder.

I would never criticise someone for eating anything especially someone who is not overweight! Not everyone gains weight, some people seem to have hollow legs. I don’t get why you felt you needed to do this, no wonder he’s annoyed with you. He’ll see you as the food police forever now.

Let her get on with it you can't help overly sensitive people she's not a child

I strongly advise that you do not mention her weight to her. I would absolutely support her if or when she feels comfortable talking to you about it. She is an adult and not only that she is aware of what she needs to do and absolutely struggling with her self esteem and confidence as we all do when we put on weight. Her self esteem and confidence are the things you should be fortifying. Adult children need their Mom to unconditionally love them throughout their lives. We are the only ones who can provide that. My own mother commented on my weight gain of about 3 stones after I gave birth to 3 babies. Her comments have stayed with me my entire life. We Moms and Grandmoms have to fight the temptation to "control" our children and grandchildrens lives. To our perhaps shock, they don't need us to "Fix it". They just need us to love them. She will figure it out when she is ready. Its hard not to want to go in and tell them what they could do and give suggestions "for their own good" but it is not what they need. And it is not what we need when we are facing the similar. Best of luck!

I agree with. Fernhillnana it could be many things and your DD needs a second opinion.
I have had to demand to see a specialist when I had abdominal pain as the GP kept fobbing me off with antibiotics. They are reluctant to refer you because it reflects badly on the GP service.

I was admitted to hospital and had every test available to rule out gall stones, kidney stones, appendicitis etc until the blood results came back. I had far too much calcium in my blood so was dispatched to endocrine dept where I was found to have an overactive and very enlarged parathyroid gland
After its removal I returned to normal.

The abdominal pain was the curious only symptom and seemed to have little to do with the gland in my neck.

Our bodies are strange and wonderful things

I’m tempted to say nothing to her,but you could mention as she has trouble seeing a Dr how about a Naturopath,I had a few visits over the years and each time straight away things were suggested that literally changed my life ( recommended Cran-Mannos to prevent bladder infections)might help,or maybe if you talk to her about Weight Watchers.

I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism for 4 years before anyone realised what it was. (A Spanish doctor in A and E where I had been taken when I collapsed and was hallucinating). Even a very small discrepancy in thyroid hormone has disastrous effects on weight. I put on about 3 stone and it has stayed since. Do try to get her to see someone. It doesn’t sound normal to me. I suppose that’s unless she is eating Big Macs and drinking a lot?

As someone who is overweight (clinically obese) and a little ADHD, please do not say anything to her about this, just support is she asks. I just switch off when family talk to me about this i find it so upsetting that they can't accept that the weight is my problem and that they also can't accept me for who i am. I know the problem and I will ask if i need help. If you do say something she may not feel "good enough" and her self esteem may suffer.