Daughter's weight gain

Talk to your daughter. Ask her how you can best support her.

You mention your daughter is clinically obese. I am also obese but have lost 2 stone over the last few years.
Now I have joined Nutracheck (other calorie counting sites are available). I find this very supportive and easy to dtuvk to. Perhaps nudge her in the direction of such a site, if she has no other support.

Just last week, I made the admittedly, terrible mistake of telling off my 21 year old grandson for having a packet of crisps at 11pm, considering we had a heavy lunch and heavy dinner (we were on a weekend away with my son and family). I get the feeling he is upset with me as he hasn’t texted or phoned me. I think he is comfort eating, because he failed his Degree. He is not overweight, but I was worried that he could get that way. I
explained my reasons to him but I just get the feeling he is upset.
I would advise you not to say anything. She has spoken to you about it and is seeing the Doctor. You are doing all the right things. Sometimes, we say things with the best intentions, but it can turn round and bite us. You have a good relationship with her. Keep it that way xx

Can you say you are sorry about the doc and not very happy he's done enough - would she like your help to push things on a little?
If she says no, you haven't done anything likely to make her hostile, just offered help to chase up more help? and she will know she can ask you at some point in the future?

I'm not sure what kind of help you feel she needs. Eating disorder or dietician? Sounds like comfort eating, in between seeing her boyfriend, but tbh I dont know a lot about it.

Easy to stick to I meant!
Also, with your daughter's ADHD she may find the photos of food on this site a big help, and easy to navigate.

Would she consider a diet club like slimming world or similar? Could perhaps go with a friend? You can get a referral to it from GP at my surgery . They can refer you to other programmes too so perhaps keep trying GP.

Thank you for all your varied feedback - all of which is sound. She is very sensitive and also will likely not go to a slimming club alone I would happily go with her but I don’t need to lose weight. You are a wonderful community - thank you all and I will continue reading and absorbing your input 🙏🏻

Have messaged you.

I will suggest this definitely- if the conversation happens ☺️

crazyH

Just last week, I made the admittedly, terrible mistake of telling off my 21 year old grandson for having a packet of crisps at 11pm, considering we had a heavy lunch and heavy dinner (we were on a weekend away with my son and family). I get the feeling he is upset with me as he hasn’t texted or phoned me. I think he is comfort eating, because he failed his Degree. He is not overweight, but I was worried that he could get that way. I
explained my reasons to him but I just get the feeling he is upset.
I would advise you not to say anything. She has spoken to you about it and is seeing the Doctor. You are doing all the right things. Sometimes, we say things with the best intentions, but it can turn round and bite us. You have a good relationship with her. Keep it that way xx

Good lord, you told off a 21yr old man for having a bag of crisps at 11pm. No wonder he’s giving you the cold shoulder.

Don’t say anything to anyone about their weight if they are an adult.Believe me they will know already if they have a problem.Up to them to try and correct it or not or to ask you for advice.

Would agree with Oreo.
Best not to talk about weight unless they bring the subject up and even then talk more about healthy eating rather than weigh gain. It really does not help.

Yes- I’m feeling that less is more and unless she brings up the subject specific ally, I will not initiate it 😏

Say nothing

If she had blood tests have they checked for thyroid problems?

Don't say anything about her weight

Tell her she looks lovely in that dress

Tell her her hair looks nice

Tell her you are so proud of her

Love her as she is, help her love herself as she is.. then she will view any changes she would like make as smaller targets and more easily achievable

There may be hormonal reasons for rapid weight gain and I know I wouldn't take a contraceptive pill if it was the cause. There are other contraceptives.

If blood tests showed nothing wrong then it may be boredom, loneliness, tiredness and she could do with a healthier lifestyle.
Her job sounds tiring and probably an environment where it's too easy to eat surgery snacks.
You say she's a chocolate junkie which does not sound healthy so what about joining a fitness class with her?. Walking for charity? Riding for disabled?

Could you both help at something like a youth club?

Good luck and I hope your DD finds the help she needs and wants.

I am in the keep mum club. I wonder what you could possibly tell her that she has not already been told? Her doctor has told her she is obese and she owns a mirror I suppose.

You can best support her by supporting her mental health. With ADHD, she may also has a bit of depression (they with anxiety all live in the same place in the brain). She will not magically start eating better and losing weight just because anyone tells her too. Once she can work out her mental health, her desire to improve physical health has a better chance of working.

My DD is considerably more overweight than that and any mention of her weight is completely out of bounds - it achieves nothing other than distressing her. She was a skinny thing until she started comfort eating during an unhappy time in her life
In my opinion the NHS would achieve better results if they provided psychological support to comfort eaters rather than just handing out dietary advice. Most obese adults know far more about "healthy living" than the rest of the population but really need ongoing support to be able to put it into practice - especially at stressful times. Some personal trainers are very good at this - in addition to encouraging physical activity, but their fees are out of reach for many

Gabigirl until your daughter decides and realises she needs to weight there is nothing you can do. Apart from when she has a meal with you make sure it's low cal with plenty of veg and a low cal pud.

Yes I do know what I am taking about. When I started putting weight on my parents told me it was puppy fat and would go . Ridiculous advice but I was born in 1958 and took 8 years for my parents to have me.

We where a fat family. I was brought up on cheap cuts of meat but always a pud usually steamed sponge or bread and butter pud and the like.

At 16 I was 11st after college went to 14st. Lost 3st working but by drinking those Carnation meal replacement drinks and weight watchers meals . But before I got married put 2 st back on. Once married I eat what my husband did weight went back to 14st then 2 years later got pregnant. Thinking in the early 80's was eating for 2 . Weighed 18st went my daughter was born. Was the same weight when my son was born 4 years later.

Highest I got to was 21st+. But settled at 19+st for decades. Life got in the way and my husband loved me no matter what size I was and still fancied me.

Unfortunately my fit healthy husband who was slim died in 2004 from cancer. Lost 2 stone through grief but it went back on.

Fast forward to 2017 finally had no one depandant on me my mom was the last to die . Children had left home in 2006 and both married. I got jaundice from 2 tablets I had been taking since 1992. Seriously ill for 5 months and had a lot of time to like what I wanted out of life. Only 3 things lose weight,move house, get fit.

I decided to count cals as it had worked in the past but decided this time not to give up . And if I only lost quarter of a pound a week I was happy. And realising it's a marathon not a sprint. 2 years ago I had lost 7st . Was over 19+st size 32 now just over 12st size 16. Last 2 years been trying to lose the last stone and bit. But haven't given up yet. Still kept the 7st off.

And moved to my bungalow nearly 4 years ago and go to sit fit classes every week best sort for me due to being born disabled.

Until your daughter decides to lose weight she won't. Also perhaps it might help if she talked to her doctor about using a different pill or using other form of contraception if that's the factor in her weight gain.

I wasted decades being obese but so glad at the age of 65 now I am the weight I am. Wish I had done it sooner but due to pressures of health being up the children, husband dieing aged 47 and parents and mother in law to look after I was bottom of the pile.

Just be their and support your daughter. If you are overweight yourself might help if you changed your eating patterns and started to lose weight and it might spur your daughter to do the same .

But she will only lose weight if she wants to. No one can make her .

I'm also in the 'say nothing' club here. My own mother used to make very hurtful remarks about my weight and it only served to hurt our already strained relationship. She was lucky - she could eat anything she wanted and never put on a pound, whereas I took after my dad's side of the family and can put weight on just by looking at food!

The OP is not quite in the 'say nothing club' in my opinion.

Usually that's the best thing but her DD has brought up the problem a number of times e.g. saying she's been to the doctors, they told her to lose weight, she's getting concerned, her boyfriend encourages healthy eating, so the daughter does talk about it to her mother.

I think next time she brings it up you could suggest that she might be a candidate for Ozempic or similar and encourage her to make a GP appointment.

One of my daughters put on a lot of weight following the break up of a long term relationship. Any mention of her weight was a no go area so we talked about how she was feeling not how she looked. She had some counseling to help her come to terms with what had happened and gradually she started to feel better. Once in a happier place she started to go to the gym and eating better meals. She's lost a couple of stones and is feeling good about herself and shares with me how her weight is going and hows she's looking after herself. I'd focus on feelings and try to encourage her to talk to you. Good luck.

That is an intereseting post Vintagewhine.