Childcare

kazzerb

I now work from home twice a week and look after my 5 year old Grandson on those days during school holidays. Obviously not every one can, or chooses to, work from home though.

So sorry, but I don't get it- how can you be 'working at your job', when looking after a 5 year old?

Visgir1

My mum reduced her working hours for me to look after my son.
I compensated her for the loss of earnings, good arrangement for both of us.

That was hugely generous. But was her pension fund also kept up to same amount of earnings? The loss of pension would probably be more over many years, than the loss of earnings.

It’s awful isn’t it. Almost as bad as when your own first go to school But I’m sure there will be lots of times in the future when you are needed or simply choose to look after your grandchildren fora short while. And they will love coming to see you because if the string bond you have built up. Enjoy making plans for a little me time and then enjoy the me time.

Hi. I’ve yesterday finished childminding my grandson. He’s off to school next month. I looked after his brother before him. It’s been 7 years.
Although I’ve planned for having my time back and am looking forward to a lie in etc, I’m in bits. I keep crying and reminiscing about all the little things we have done. Keep seeing their faces in my mind and everywhere I look I see them playing in my mind.
I feel I’m going bonkers. I’m sooo upset. I’ve longed for this time! Can anyone relate and help me with this please. Jackie

biglouis

*Good point Grandmabatty. When people decide to have children it's up to them to organise and arrange child care when they go back to work*

People seem to fecklessly have children like its just "something you do" when you decide to bond with a partner. Just like getting a house or a suite of furniture or a new kitchen. They dont seem to consider that the thing has to be looked after and they are responsible for it until it reaches 18.

If you cant feed em (or look after them) then dont breed em.

With the best will in the world, circumstances can change in a heartbeat. We never expected to have to become our GS's main carers after a very traumatic family event, which means our son and GS had to come and live with us for almost two years - through no fault of his own. People can start off family life with the very best of intentions - but you never know what is round the corner.

Hi. I’ve yesterday stopped childcare for my grandson. He’s off to school next month. I cared for his brother before him. The thing is I am absolutely in bits about it and I’m not sure why. It’s been hard work of course and I’ve planned for this day but now I keep reminiscing over every little thing we did. I keep crying and his parents have said I’ll see them in holidays/babysitting etc. So why am I in an emotional mess? Has anyone else felt this way please. I’m desperate x

My BIL and partner had their only child in their 40s. She was back to work in weeks as was he. MIL got roped in and had to travel for nearly an hour on two buses leaving her house at 6.30am. They left for work at 8 and didn’t return home until 6ish. One of them would then drive her home and she was so exhausted she often went straight to bed!

When he started school they had no need for her and had very little to do with her which we all thought was very hurtful.

I’m always perturbed by the idea it’s possible to wfh and offer good childcare. I was a home based worker the last 10 years of my career. I couldn’t have combined that with caring responsibilities fit my elderly parents much less toddlers
My daughter wfh in the first lock down, whilst home schooling a 6 year old and a 3 year old who should have been in nursery. Within weeks she furloughed saud she was t doing a good enough job with the children or her paid work

I now work from home twice a week and look after my 5 year old Grandson on those days during school holidays. Obviously not every one can, or chooses to, work from home though.

No don’t do it. Why should you have to work around your daughter’s job. Fine if you’re retired but even then it’s a long term commitment you’re stuck with. It won’t be appreciated. She will end up taking you for granted and assume you’re grateful for the opportunity of looking after your grandchild. This sounds harsh but it’s true. Occasional babysitting yes, long term a definite no.

Say no. She’ll live. Life will go on.

I’m with Kate22. Your daughter may not have realised what an impact it would have on your life and be quite understanding when you explain.

Hi, just say you’re delighted to be asked but it’s impossible as you work full time. Say you’ll be happy to help with childcare when you eventually retire ( provided you will be happy, of course!).
Remember you’re not just losing a day’s pay but also a day’s pension contributions.
Perhaps she just asked you on the off chance you might say yes as she had nothing to lose by asking.

Good point Grandmabatty. When people decide to have children it's up to them to organise and arrange child care when they go back to work

People seem to fecklessly have children like its just "something you do" when you decide to bond with a partner. Just like getting a house or a suite of furniture or a new kitchen. They dont seem to consider that the thing has to be looked after and they are responsible for it until it reaches 18.

If you cant feed em (or look after them) then dont breed em.

What on earth does this mean please:

do you want to be a part time Grandma. Or do you want to be involved in your grandchild’s life ?

Are you saying that you are only a grandma when physically present?
If so, almost every grandparent is part-time!

Are you saying that those who choose not to be "childminders" (or who live 1000s of miles away - or who can barely afford to exist) are not going to be involved with grandchildren lives?

If not, what do you mean sheilahart123?

I think you have to ask yourself do you want to be a part time Grandma. Or do you want to be involved in your grandchild’s life ? Your choice ?

Missiseff - I find your attitude hard to take. You seem to be suggesting women should give up work to care for their own children, then repeat this for grandchildren.
It doesn’t matter whether we are replaceable at work. Our own wishes and feelings matter. The OP doesn’t want to give up work, she doesn’t have to

Missiseff

I'd do it in a heartbeat. No job is more important than your own grandchild. You're replaceable at work, but irreplaceable in your grandchild's life."

Yes, grandparents are very replaceable as well

If a person puts all the eggs in one basket and then you are not needed anymore, don't come crying with "I feel used"

I cut my hours to pick DG up from school once a week - 40 min drive. No regrets I loved spending rime with him and years later I have a lovely relationship with him and DD. Those childhood years fly by I wouldn't have missed them. My lovely mum helped me when my children were young and they still remember her looking after them during the school holidays. She hasn't been with us for a long time but we all have great memories.

I had no help when my children were small as both sets of grandparents lived much too far away. I didn't return to work but struggled with childcare when emergencies arose such as DD needing a hospital admission, My sister in law once asked how did I manage as my mum and her parents were all local to her and she used my mum for childcare so she could go out on shopping trips or lunch out with her mum and sister! Until mine went to playgroup and school I had to take them everywhere I went! I think some parents these days expect too much from grandparents. I want to move nearer my GC but won't be offering regular childcare though would obviously help in an emergency. I'm retired but I haven't got the energy for regular childcare. Don't feel guilty. If you still have a job that should be your priority.

Missiseff

I'd do it in a heartbeat. No job is more important than your own grandchild. You're replaceable at work, but irreplaceable in your grandchild's life.

Easy to say! You assume she can afford to loose the money or worse still loose her job! Not everyone is in a comfortable financial position especially in their early 50’s!!

I'd do it in a heartbeat. No job is more important than your own grandchild. You're replaceable at work, but irreplaceable in your grandchild's life.

I know it's very difficult to say no but you really must in this case. You're certainly not being unreasonable, if anyone is having to take a day off work, it should be she and definitely not you! We're both semi retired and have our 2 GSs quite often - at the moment, it's 8am Monday to 5pm Tuesday as our son is working abroad all of August & our DIL works Monday to Thursday. It's hard work as they're 5 and 10 and chalk & cheese so there's a lot of refereeing ! In term team we collect them once a week, feed them & take them home at bedtime. If we have other plans like holidays, we just say no to having the boys, we don't feel taken for granted that way and, as we're only 2 miles away, we tend to be asked frequently for last minute baby sitting. If we're available, we'll do it. Your case is distinctly different, I think your daughter has got a nerve, frankly!

Hi. I agree I would probably say no. As there is other free help available It doesn’t sound like they are paying for any childcare at all atm. Unless I’m reading it wrong. ? A day a week in nursery is fine. Of course if the child has specific needs and cannot go into nursery care for any reason that may be different. I have been a Ofsted registered childminder 12 years. Tough but rewarding job, but retired from it as the expectations from Ofsted/ families/ red tape etc and long hours that put end to it. Of course institutional poor nursery care is horrible 0730 am till 630 pm. 5 days a week for some children these days is
In my opinion too much. Even good quality nurseries cannot prepare the children properly for reception in my opinion, hence the school exclusions etc. just my opinion. Nevertheless I would say no as you’re not retired yet, but maybe get taken off a Rota? And one day a week at nursery will be fine. Good luck with the conversation. Ps my own mother never babysat btw nor helped ever so we were on our own so your DD is very lucky to have help…

No FNODT, put your foot down! It’s ridiculous - you work 3 days a week ( and presumably need time for that) . Look after one grandchild- why did they choose to have another and presume you would look after that child too? Sorry I think that your daughter is being totally unreasonable!