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Adult daughter (56) needs to move out

(24 Posts)
Grandmummy Fri 15-Sep-23 12:27:02

Hi Grans 🤗
My friends daughter was evicted from her flat over a year ago. She has been staying with her mum, my friend, whilst going down legal routes.
My friend is being driven to despair by her daughter. She's even put a lock on her bedroom door.
My friend owns her house outright, we have had family discussions, but she's still not moved on.
How does my friend get her grown daughter out of her home?

Grandmabatty Fri 15-Sep-23 13:07:47

Who has put a lock on the door - daughter or mum? I'm not sure that the daughter putting a lock on the door is an issue without more information. Does the daughter pay her way? In what way is your friend driven to despair? It would be difficult to advise without more information

Hithere Fri 15-Sep-23 13:50:51

Your friend needs assertive training to make it happen

Nothing you can do here

Grandmummy Fri 15-Sep-23 13:53:12

Hi Grandmabatty, thanks for your response.
My friend put a lock on her door, her daughters been rifling through her diaries & things, going through the loft, throwing things that aren't hers out, rearranging furniture etc.
It's time for the 56yr old daughter to get out but we don't really know how.... as talking ends up in very unpleasant things being shouted.
Neighbours on both sides are now giving cold shoulder to my friend, it's horrible

ParlorGames Fri 15-Sep-23 14:00:08

Simple......wait until the daughter goes out and change the locks. If she can't behave like a decent human being in her mothers house then she has no right to expect to live there.

Theexwife Fri 15-Sep-23 14:04:13

If she really doesn’t want her there then she can go down the legal route, if she pays rent then she is a tenant so will have to give her notice if she is just a guest then tell her if she doesn’t go then she will get the police to get her out.

It doesn’t matter how much shouting and unpleasantness there will be, if your friend sticks to what she says then it will be all over at some point.

ExDancer Fri 15-Sep-23 14:07:07

As grandmabatty asked
Does she pay her way?
Does she help with housework and gardening?

If discussions and talks have failed, can the house be divided into yours and hers - perhaps with shared kitchen and bathroom? Charge her rent and draw up a legal lease to make sure she contributes to power supplies, insurance and council tax .

welbeck Fri 15-Sep-23 14:12:21

this sounds like elder abuse.
contact police 101 for advice.
i doubt she pays rent, which makes it simpler.
you cannot parley with an abuser.
the mother needs strong-arm back-up to effect the ousting of this pest.

Grandmabatty Fri 15-Sep-23 14:17:25

That sounds very difficult then. Would the daughter kick off if there was someone else there when her mother asked her to leave? I think she needs to say ,"This arrangement isn't working. It was only meant to be temporary and you are overstepping my boundaries. You have been a guest in my home and I was happy to help but enough is enough. Our relationship is at risk of falling apart. You are my daughter and I love you but we each need our own space. You must find somewhere else to live by (give a date.) I will expect to see evidence that you are actively looking for somewhere."
I think it might be difficult to get rid of her though as it seems there is a housing crisis too.

lemsip Fri 15-Sep-23 14:24:55

Grandmummy clarify please. Do you live with your friend?

you say. We have family discussions' and you say '*it's time for her to move out and we don't know how! ??

welbeck Fri 15-Sep-23 14:25:53

cuckooing.
she needs to be ejected.
not asked, discussed, suggested.
this is not a work performance review.
mother needs urgent real life support.
start with police.

eazybee Fri 15-Sep-23 15:47:04

Why was the daughter evicted from her flat?
What are the legal routes she is going down?
What is her situation: is she working and earning or living on benefits?
Are there health issues, mental and/or physical?
Where will she go if she leaves?
Has she returned home before?

Grandmummy Fri 15-Sep-23 17:16:04

Blimey, you guys are fab! Thank you, really helpful.
Daughter was kicked out of her flat of 19years, cos landlord died & son wanted her out. Police involved, all her stuff 'disappeared'
She does have mental health issues & is fighting legal battles with everyone atm.
Shes not earning, not got anywhere else to go, but it's time, I love your support, thank you 🙏

Cabbie21 Fri 15-Sep-23 17:30:25

Even if she pays “ rent” , it sounds as if she is a lodger, not a tenant. A lodger has the right to reasonable notice, which usually corresponds to how often she pays, ie weekly, monthly. (If she pays nothing at all, or just contributes to food from time to time, she is just a guest. ).
Give her notice, then expect her to leave. You may need to put her stuff outside and change the locks. Don’t give in.

Allsorts Fri 15-Sep-23 17:39:44

I feel a bit sorry for the daughter, she couldn't help losing her home, her stuff disappearing or her mental health issues. With such issues it’s bound to take time to restart her life. What will happen to her now? Do hope someone is looking out for her.

Georgesgran Fri 15-Sep-23 17:53:27

Lemsip-. As I read it, the OP is describing a situation which involves her friend not herself.
I presume the ‘we’ refers to the OP and her friend discussing the situation and how to get the friend’s daughter to move on/out.

Grandmummy Sat 16-Sep-23 10:24:31

Allsorts

I feel a bit sorry for the daughter, she couldn't help losing her home, her stuff disappearing or her mental health issues. With such issues it’s bound to take time to restart her life. What will happen to her now? Do hope someone is looking out for her.

I agree, it's been incredibly tough on her, especially with so many other issues. She does have one friend, who has been great, but it's now taking its toll on all of us. She's very defensive & unwilling to respect her mums (my friend) thoughts, advice or feelings

eazybee Sat 16-Sep-23 13:25:31

Sounds as though she has been illegally evicted, so she is technically homeless, particularly if her mother tells her to go, which may help in her getting another place.

nanna8 Sat 16-Sep-23 13:32:26

Without knowing the full story it is hard to comment. I’d be helping her to find somewhere else to live if I was the Mum - even perhaps lending her some money for the rent deposit. Could be somewhere nearby so she could still offer lots of support.

pascal30 Sat 16-Sep-23 15:03:48

If she managed to keep her own flat for 19 years despite having MH problems then I would suggest to your friend that she helps her find other accomodation and supports her in getting benefits and housing allowance. Your friend could help with a deposit.. It's understandable that she has been looking in the loft for anything that is hers if all her possessions 'disappeared'.
I don't think this situation needs to be unpleasant if some empathy is shown to both sides..

Ali08 Mon 09-Oct-23 04:02:28

It is possible that at 56 she's assuming her mother may want to go into a home soon. Let's assume mum had her at age 25, so that would make her 81 now, DD could be hoping she'll get mum's house if/when her mother moves out, hence her removing things that don't belong to her!

Ali08 Mon 09-Oct-23 04:03:17

Grandmummy
Do you live with your friend?

BlueBelle Mon 09-Oct-23 04:38:04

I presume this is your problem and you are using the term friend to cover yourself…. I don’t blame you (you d hardly be having family discussion about a friends situation 😀)
Well the only answer is to have an honest talk with your daughter and do all you can to help her find somewhere else to
live if she has mental health problems perhaps she needs her mum to help her
I agree with Pascal Do it nicely

travelsafar Mon 09-Oct-23 07:16:00

Approach local housing dept. As daughter over 55 and with MH issues she may be classed as vulnerable and meet criteria for supported/sheltered housing. Just a thought.