Thoughts on my will.

I thought people just helped their children as and when, according to their means, without necessarily thinking deeply about it.

When DGS nursery went bust at the end of the first week of term, just after everyone had payed the terms fees, and on the same day DS's car had a terminal breakdown on the motorway, we immediately offered financial assistance, we didn't think about it, plan it, work out the tax significance, anymore than I gave deep thought to jumping into my car and going to them for a week to provide childcare while they found another nursery place.

It was the believing in giving while living. For most people helping their children when they can is so instinctive. I doubt they have ever thought about whether they believe in it or not, I certainly haven't. I just do it.

M0nica

It sounds very formal talking about 'giving while living' Isn't that what parents have always done?

Giving children help when they need it and when it is possible has always been the norm. Nowadays this is more likely to take the form of cash, but help is help whether it is a deposit for a house, a sub towards replacing a car or looking after children when both parents are at work.

Why is it formal to say "giving whilst living"? Factual.

Apart from "formal" (?) -- there are many rules regarding how much one may give yearly, years before death etc.

Seems people Could be thinking about how to "give whist alive" with normal deposits, uni fees, cars, lessons instead of after death. Just my opinion. OR is this what you're saying is norm?

It is our norm. That was my proposal.

It sounds very formal talking about 'giving while living' Isn't that what parents have always done?

Giving children help when they need it and when it is possible has always been the norm. Nowadays this is more likely to take the form of cash, but help is help whether it is a deposit for a house, a sub towards replacing a car or looking after children when both parents are at work.

jocork

I need to sort these things out as my will needs updating. I have gone down the route of opening a saving account for my grandson and am soon to do the same for my granddaughter, starting her off with what is already in grandson's account so she isn't impacted by being younger. If and when I downsize I intend to give my two children some of the proceeds, both to reduce any inheritance tax liability but to help them out while I'm still around. My DD, who has no children yet, will get the same as her brother who has the 2 children as the children will have received from me in my lifetime. I hope to increase the amount I save for them as it is currently not a large sum. Having said that, if I did leave something for my GC I know my DD would not mind. She adores her nephew and niece and spends lots of time and money on them herself.
When my mother died everything was split equally between me and my brother, but before we split it we evened up what our children had received as it differed due to their different ages as she simply saved a monthly amount for each from birth. We wanted them all to have similar amounts so I'm planning ahead for my grandchildren to allow for this. If my DD ever has children I'll need a large lump sum to start off their account(s).
I'd like to think my beneficiaries share my own desires for fairness but also that they would respect my wishes fully. It is very sad when families have rifts over wills! I intend to talk to them about my will and any specific items to avoid any misunderstandings just as my mother did when she made hers. When she made it my brother still lived with her so it allowed for him to keep her house and I could have received less than him, but by the time she died we both had our own homes and families so the complicated details she had put in place didn't apply at all.

We, too, believe in giving whilst living. They may need a deposit, help with uni fees, etc. Just give the limits, keep good records.

I need to sort these things out as my will needs updating. I have gone down the route of opening a saving account for my grandson and am soon to do the same for my granddaughter, starting her off with what is already in grandson's account so she isn't impacted by being younger. If and when I downsize I intend to give my two children some of the proceeds, both to reduce any inheritance tax liability but to help them out while I'm still around. My DD, who has no children yet, will get the same as her brother who has the 2 children as the children will have received from me in my lifetime. I hope to increase the amount I save for them as it is currently not a large sum. Having said that, if I did leave something for my GC I know my DD would not mind. She adores her nephew and niece and spends lots of time and money on them herself.
When my mother died everything was split equally between me and my brother, but before we split it we evened up what our children had received as it differed due to their different ages as she simply saved a monthly amount for each from birth. We wanted them all to have similar amounts so I'm planning ahead for my grandchildren to allow for this. If my DD ever has children I'll need a large lump sum to start off their account(s).
I'd like to think my beneficiaries share my own desires for fairness but also that they would respect my wishes fully. It is very sad when families have rifts over wills! I intend to talk to them about my will and any specific items to avoid any misunderstandings just as my mother did when she made hers. When she made it my brother still lived with her so it allowed for him to keep her house and I could have received less than him, but by the time she died we both had our own homes and families so the complicated details she had put in place didn't apply at all.

My husband and I had mirror wills, but he died 6 years ago and s of course I had to make another will. I have just made a new will as I have moved and circumstances have changed. We had both been married before, so I had my son and he had his daughter by his previous wife. She was always treated in the same way as my son, and whilsts she did not live with us , came on all the holidays and they were treated equally. My son and she treated each other as brother and sister. I was very shocked when , after my husbands death and with back problems I changed my car , secondhand , for something I found easier to use. She then proceeded to tell my son that I was spending her money, etc and stating that I should not be able to do this. My husband had left everything to me so in technical terms she had no right to anything. I had left equal shares in my will to them both. After this and other problems I am no longer in touch with her at all and have been very hurt , in particular, as I had been scrupously fair and honest and could not believe that she would date this attitude. So I have now changed the will and her son - my husbands grandson- will get half. This way I am being true to my husbands and my agreement and my sons knows exactly how it has been set . I have only put the children rather than the grandchildren in, as firstly it makes it much simpler and less likely to be difficult to sort, If in the future, you could not contact or find a grandchild or there were more grandchildren than you had mentioned in your will, it all becomes awkward and complicated. My son knows exactly what I have put and I have left a letter of intent to cover this and also for small gifts I want to be given to friends etc. This means if a friend dies before me I can just change this without the cost of going back to the lawyers. I have left sums of money for the RNLI and guide dogs for the blind, so feel I have done the best i am able to do to leave things in a simple and easy way for them to deal with after my death. Have also made clear with the solicitor of my wishes and reasons for not including my stepdaughter in the will so that when the time comes there will be no way she can contest it . On a lighter note I also try to do something whilst I am still alive. A couple of times a year I organise to meet up with old friends in particular, who now do not live close by but still are important in my life. I have known one friend for 76 years, since I was two!! We either meet up somewhere about halfway to have a very good lunch and usually in a decent hotel as we have a wander around but then after the lunch we just want to sit and chat so can take coffee into a pleasant lounge and sit there for as long as we like catching up with news and views and remembering mad times in the past. it is a great way to catch up, and another time we got a cottage for 4 days and again did much laughing and catching up . Ah, the joy of looking at another white haired old lady but seeing with your minds eye, the crazy daredevil with the long auburn plaits, still up for a challenge!! We have each said that we will remember each other, by doing something a little crazy and raising a glass to their memory!! So far , touch wood, despite the usual aches and pains we have been able to carry on meeting. Dont forget to do something similar with the people you love and treasure. My father always used to say he would die happy if he had £5 in the bank and owed the HMRC tax lot thousands!! Remember to enjoy something now while you can!!

I bought a good number of premium bonds for my 3 dgc, did that 5 years ago. Any money gifts I have given to AC were made over 7 years ago. My pot has shrunk somewhat but I still have my house and enough savings to give me choices in later life. The AC will share what is left via my will, apart from a token amount to the dgc from my sipp. I have been as fair as possible, while also helping, perhaps, towards a future home deposit for dgc. I thought it was important to try and help ease lives for AC and DGC while they are still of an age to need that help

On leaving % to a charity. Surely the decision to sell or not is made by the executors. Or am I wrong?

I certaily do not doubt that my DS and DDiL would not divert some of any inheritance to our DGD, but in our case, our single and childless daughter has told us quite specifically not to take into account any money we give our DGC when being even handed about sharing our money out, either in life or after death.

When I was 14 my dearly loved maternal grandmother died and she left me, and my sisters, her only GC, a small sum of money each. There was something very special to all of us that our grandma had done this. the money was put aside in the building society and I received it when I was 21.

My parents added a little more money they had saved for me, so that 5 years later, when I got married and DH and I were buying our first home, we had half of the deposit we needed. Nothing new aboutt he bank of Mum and Dad!

Grammaretto

It would never have occurred to me that DC wouldn't look after their own DC
As a widow I leave everything to be divided equally between my 4 DC.

Who knows what happens after that.
When DM died, I inherited a share but divided it between my 4 who spent it according to their needs at the time
For 2 it went towards housing and for the other 2 towards education.
It was nice for me to see it being useful. DM would have liked that

Yes, we and other relatives have passed on wholly or partly, legacies to adult children whose needs have been greater. I dare say it’s not at all uncommon.

I do know of one family who have entirely disinherited one of their adult children, but sadly there are very valid reasons for such an action, and said child had previously received generous financial help anyway.

I bought an investment bond many years ago which has now grown to a substantial amount. This is designated for my three GC in equal shares; DGD1 will get hers at 21, the other two have theirs left in the control of my DS and DDiL to use on their behalf. DGD2 seems likely to spend much of her life on benefits so having money of her own would not help, and she is vulnerable to other influences, especially from her birth family. I know my DS and his wife will do the right thing. Other than some specific charitable bequests the rest goes to the two children equally.

I just need not to live for a long time in a nursing home!

It would never have occurred to me that DC wouldn't look after their own DC
As a widow I leave everything to be divided equally between my 4 DC.

Who knows what happens after that.
When DM died, I inherited a share but divided it between my 4 who spent it according to their needs at the time
For 2 it went towards housing and for the other 2 towards education.
It was nice for me to see it being useful. DM would have liked that

I can’t see that by leaving money to your grandchildren, that a child without children is receiving less than a child with children.
The fact that you choose to include the grandchildren or give to a charity reduces the overall pot of money there is to share between your children, but talking percentage wise your children would receive the same amount as each other.

Adult grandchildren would benefit sooner in using the money.
Maybe helping to get on the property ladder, or for university fees, as has been suggested.

When you leave money to your children you cannot stipulate what they do with that money, sadly it is no longer your money.

When my dad passed away (my mother had many years prior to him) everything was divided between the three of us - my brother, sister and myself - apart from 4 envelopes of equal cash. Three went to us, the fourth we said for his two grandsons - one from each of my brother and sister - but it was decided (between my brother and sister not me) that as I don't have children it would be divided between them and me. The boys will inherit from their parents eventually, and also from me

It actually doesn't matter how simple straightforward or fair a will is, family dynamics can lead to feuding.

DH was asked to act as executor to his uncle and second wife, who didn't get on with her DH's AD. DH was asked to be executor because he no longer lived in his home town and hadn't for many years and was seen as 'neutral'

The house belonged to his aunt, and his uncle left a list of everything in the house that was his that was to go to his daughter. DH and I looked out every item, checked on the list and gave it to the daughter, but she still insisted she was entitled to lots of things her father had owned at some point, but were not on the list and when we said we had found none of these things in the house and, anyway she was not entitled to them as they were not on the list, she just accused us of theft. It was not a -pleasant time.

Do watch on TV catch up ‘Inheritance, who gets the money’ on Channel 5, it’s a documentary series on apparently badly or unfairly drafted Wills, or people who make just or unjust claims on Wills.

Don’t mistake it for the drama, ‘Inheritance’!

There may be very good reasons for not leaving a legacy to a child.

twiglet77

Grandchildren will eventually inherit from their parents. Do they need to inherit directly from their grandparents too?

Perhaps GC won't inherit from their parents, Why shouldn't GP give a reminder to their GC? As some have said GC may need a deposit.

Grandchildren will eventually inherit from their parents. Do they need to inherit directly from their grandparents too?

biglouis

*It seems unfair to me that the childless ones would receive less in order to give something to the grandchildren. I couldn’t do that*

I agree 100% with what GSM and other posters have said = that to leave less (or nothing) to the childfree ones is a form of discrimination. It is one they may well grow to resent and cause angst between the siblings going forward. This is what happened in my family.

In the original will my parents had left their property to be divided equally between my sister (my only sibling) and myself. When my sister then had 2 children they decided to divide the estate into 3 leaving one third each to my sister and myself and the other third between the two grandchildren. This meant that two thirds went to my sister's side of the family.

Their rationale was that the grandchildren had given them a lot of pleasure and they wanted to give them a "start in life". When I made the point that I felt I was being descriminated against because I had no children the answer was "well that was your choice."

Yes - it was their money and their choice. But it only served to widen the gulf between my sister and myself and cause a great deal of resentment. All this had been settled before I left my home city to live elsewhere. For that reason I withdrew further and further from my parents once there was physical distance between us because it was clear that I was less "valued" for being childfree.

biglouis I'm sorry your parents played favourites. Effectively their last words, after their graves were unkind and unfair. When someone leaves a child out of their will, favors a sibling, that's proof positive - parent is wrong.

Perhaps consider giving before your will, each child and grandchild receiving the same amount? We give now - works well for us.

We follow all the rules and keep track of sums given.

Emerald888

Surprised at all the comments against grandchildren inheriting. Surely money left is for your offspring. Grandchildren are offspring and need help buying a house etc when reaching adulthood. Talk of taking money from childless people's shares is misleading. Surely those raising your grandchildren need the money more with the extra expense. Whilst childless probably have more money and savings. Views seem to be influenced by ones own family circumstances it seems. Most people like to see their bloodline continue.

My son and daughter in law have one child. My daughter who lives alone has none.
They all earn similar wages. My daughter has had to pay a mortgage alone plus all her bills. So she doesn't have more money and savings. My son is better off as there are two wages.
They also have free child care as I do most of it.

My mother died shortly after my eldest grandchild was born but she’d had dementia for some years so there was no mention of that GGdc in her will. However she’d left specific sums to considerably older GGdcs, so it was agreed between us all (the other beneficiaries) that the same sum for the newest would come out of the ‘pot’.

My dad had a similar dilemma, his son had 4 children, I had 1.so he thought leaving say £1000 to each grandchild wouldn’t seem fair for me but leaving£4000 to my child and £1000 each to my brothers kids wasn’t fIr on them.
In the end he chose to leave the money 50/50 to me and my brother and we decide what to give the grandkids from our share.My child did very well, my brothers kids didn’t see a penny!

Surprised at all the comments against grandchildren inheriting. Surely money left is for your offspring. Grandchildren are offspring and need help buying a house etc when reaching adulthood. Talk of taking money from childless people's shares is misleading. Surely those raising your grandchildren need the money more with the extra expense. Whilst childless probably have more money and savings. Views seem to be influenced by ones own family circumstances it seems. Most people like to see their bloodline continue.