Would like to see grandmother more

It's not unreasonable to ask if you could have a bit of notice if she is staying overnight. That said, no, I don't think you're being reasonable with your other expectations. Did your own grandmother live 2 hours away? Was her age/free time situation any different?

I'm a fellow mum to a toddler who lurks here. My mother's mother was very involved in our lives when we were small. She lived about 20 minutes away and we spent most sick days and school holidays there, as well as visits (to her) every weekend and some childcare during the summers. My mother went to our grandmother about 95% of the time.

My own mother is about 1.5 to 2 hours away. She has been here once to visit. in 2 years. Otherwise, we only see her when we make the effort to go to her. Our situation is a bit complicated because my mother is a hoarder and her house is therefore not safe for small children. If that situation were different, we'd be making the effort to go there every 1-2 months. Do I wish she put in more effort to visit? Yes. Do I expect her to? No.

Once a month seems more than reasonable to me for that distance. If you want to see more of her, I think it's time for your family to make some of the effort. Yes, it's harder to travel with small children, but if you want her around more, it's time to put more effort in on your end.

Our DD lives over an hour and half away our GC is now at school. Their work involves shifts and our SiL travels abroad a lot. My DD has to jiggle her days to fit SiL working away her work and school. It’s not easy so we fit in and visit mid week and when time allows they can visit us at a weekend.

Your mum works two hours away and works full time I assume she is on her own hence travelling on her own. I suggest WhatsApp more often weekends maybe and meet ups half way.

I really miss our DD and wish she lived nearer we could be such a help but they chose to live where they do. It’s the same for you I guess but we all make our own choices and have to work around it.

Have you told your mum you miss her?
She may think you only want to see her because you want her to spend time with your child, but you need to tell her YOU want to spend time with her!!
Could she come over for a long weekend now and then? And you, your husband & child could go to hers when you get a chance, maybe for ling weekends, too!
Are you her only child, or do you have siblings that also want to see her? If so, try to arrange times when you can all get together for an overnight stay, maybe at a hotel so neither of you are overcrowded!
What about your husbands family? Where are they?

your mother is entitled to a life of her own.

"I would like..."

"I would like..."

Have you asked your mum what she would like? Perhaps not directly, but if you felt guilty when she responded to your invites with a no-can-do, I suggest that that was her way of telling you that she can't manage it. Not that she wouldn't like to if she had the time and the energy (and can afford the car fuel) but that it would be too much for her.

I think a visit from her every couple of months and a visit from you to her once a month sounds perfectly reasonable given the distance between you.

do you have siblings.

Two hours away is a lot. And if she is still working full time then I would not be surprised if she becomes very tired and in need of her downtime.
You are probably getting a good share of her time.

I think your mum is doing all she can with the distance her life and her work I have 7 grandkids, 2 I only saw very rarely as they live in NZ 3 live in Europe and I would see then twice or three times a year and 2 who lived nearby obviously I saw them regularly They are all grown up now and I have a really good relationship with all of them and hear ( texts etc) as regularly from the distant ones as the near ones
Your mum sounds as if she’s doing what she can Are you lonely looking for more companionship ?

You want to see your Mum more often, that’s normal, I see mine at least twice a week, and she sees her DGC whenever she wants to as my DD’s love her to bits.
However we all live near each other.
Your Mum has a long drive at each end but still does it every 8 weeks, and you go see her every 4 weeks.That’s pretty good really.
Your only option is to move if it’s possible, which am guessing it isn’t, jobs being hard to come by.
Phone her, text and Facetime all help

Yes. I second WhatsApp. Now my grandchildren are a bit bigger they often send me silly videos from their parents' phones.
And the older ones send me (long drawn out) explanations of something they discovered!

I wouldn't be too hard on her.
I really love my grandchildren but having visitors stay every month for a couple of days and being committed to visit you for a couple of days every other month is actually quite a lot more than many manage.

Hi LonelyDaughter, I'm sorry you're feeling a bit neglected!
Just wondering how involved and "hands on" your mum was with you when you were little?
Would you have expected her to want to be more involved with your daughter and is that what upsets you?

Does she have a good rapport with your daughter when she does visit? They can still have a close relationship, even from a distance. I didn't see my grandparents very often as my Dad's job moved us around the UK and abroad, but I still loved my Grandma and knew she loved me 🥰

We don't see our grandchildren (7 and 2) very often what with work and everybody's other commitments 😕
They know who we are though and we share each other's news. A family WhatsApp group is your friend here for photos and little videos!

The meeting half way is definitely a good idea.Myself and my daughters all live at three points of a triangle and will occasionally meet in the middle at a National Trust property for a walk and lunch/picnic.

From my experience, the meeting halfway is a good next move. Talk to her about how you feel, how special your relationship with gran was, how you want your 2yo to be close to gran, and how everything changes once there in school full-time.

Does your mum have a partner?
If so, does he have grandchildren too?

Can you maybe suggest a midway point for a jolly afternoon now and again?
Offer afternoon tea at a café combined with an hour in a local park or library?

My parents lived a similar distance from us and we did this a few times a year in-between seeing them.

The children loved it - they found it very exciting looking out for them from the park or the café!
In the summer we would take picnics.

They have happy memories of their grandparents even though they both died before our children were adults and didn't really spend a lot of time together.

Our DD and family live a two hour drive away.Up until DGS started school we went once a week to look after him.We now see him in school holidays and at the occasional weekend.

We are the opposite of you in that we have more time but you work with what you have.We look forward to seeing them and have a lovely relationship with DGS(and DD and SIL!).

Your mum is probably tired working full time and she is entitled to her own interest and friends.Children grow up very quickly and before you know it your little one will be at parties and activities when your mum visits.

Life is different now.Families are not always local and life is busy.I am sure your mum and little one will have a great relationship even if it is different to what you had hoped.As Oops said FaceTime is a great way to keep in touch in between visits.

When I was working full time, plus other commitments, it was a struggle to visit my family as often as I would have liked.

My post disappeared.

So the shortened version is

FaceTime can be your friend, would your mother read a weekly story to your daughter with the iPad or equivalent placed next to her?

Would she text your daughter, send photos or just a chatty text? You could read them out and reply on her behalf.

As others have said Grans often have to work, still have a good social life and a2 hour each way trip is a big ask.

Use technology to fill the gaps that you have at the moment.

I expect your gran wasn’t working or not full time anyway. I can only suggest the reverse of what usually happens and you move nearer to her. It really is best for you all that your mum has a life of her own as well as within the family.

Your mother works full time and has a busy life but drives two hours for an overnight visit every two months, and you visit her once a month. That doesn’t seem unreasonable to me, and it’s certainly not making an effort. I expect your own gran didn’t have the commitments that your mother does. Your mother has, and is entitled to have, her own life - not all grandmothers’ lives revolve around their grandchildren.