Asking for a lift.

Cabbie21

Let’s say it is for a hospital appointment, a one off, but you don’t know them well.
I guess I would feel they were being a bit cheeky, but as long as I was available, I would feel obliged to agree.
That sounds really begrudging. If it were a friend I would feel differently.

I have given complete strangers lifts! Was in my local chemist once and the lady in front was very upset and flustered because the chemist couldn't fill her prescription until after the weekend and the next nearest chemist was several miles away (we're in a little village) and she couldn't get there. So I offered to take her. That wasn't the first time and probably won't be the last. I have a car, I have the time, so why not help someone in need?

No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.

I've sometimes accepted a lift when it's offered - but no, I wouldn't ask. I'm too independent, so I can get a cab, bus or train. I often get a cab to the station, but mainly I'll walk or cycle. Use it - or lose it.

Cabbie it's hard to say, depends on what the neighbours are like. And how far it is. I would give a lift no problem, but would hate asking. Ii would probably get a taxi. Maybe check if the hospital can arrange one.

When I was single I regularly had a car full of passengers. We had an agreed amount they paid each day which covered the cost of my petrol. At the time I needed the help to pay for the fuel and 2 of my passengers would have struggled to get to work otherwise as the buses took ages. One passenger came with me so his wife could use their car. When my car was off the road for a while the other driver gave us the lifts but only 4 days a week as his wife needed the car at least one day a week. The bus journey was awful and it was in the depths of winter so pretty hard.
Regular lift giving is a big commitment but if people contribute to the cost it can be good for everyone. When I got married I moved nearer to my workplace and the lifts stopped with the other driver continuing to do 4 days a week. We were all either friends or friends of friends so the arrangement was good for all of us.
Nowadays I'm happy to give lifts if it isn't too far out of my way and I'm free. I occasionally get offered a lift when going to the same place as a friend as taking 2 cars is wasteful. As long as there is no expectation I'm fine to be asked, but recently a friend has started asking for a lift to something we both attend. She drives to my house then has a lift with me eve n though it is only a short distance. I understand not wanting to waste fuel but she has yet to suggest she pick me up and drive me! I think next time she asks I'll ask if she can pick me up and drive me there as it is starting to feel a bit one sided. If someone offers me a lift anywhere I always walk to the end of the road to save them having to turn round in the cul-de-sac so they are not put out!
I once gave a lift to an elderly stranger from a hospital about 7 miles from home. She was asking at reception about getting a taxi to our village so I offered to take her as I was about to drive there anyway. She seemed gobsmacked to be offered a lift and couldn't stop thanking me, but it just seemed to me to be the right thing to do.

Neighbour asked for alift one mornjng about six weeks ago. She had an appointment at medical centre, went out and found her car wouldn't start. Of course I gave her a lift, waited on her and brought her home. Wouldn't agree to a long term lift arrangement though.

I regard myself as a "willing to help anyone" person (and people have told me that I am such) but it has got me into situations of being taken for a ride (no pun intended!) such that I've started to wish I never offered in the first place. If it becomes a regular thing it is difficult to get out of it when you need to, and if you have a change of plan you can feel guilty at having to tell your passenger at possible short notice.

There are a few close friends that I'd drive anywhere, anytime, but they are also people who wouldn't ask unless they were stuck, so that never becomes a chore. Also, if people don't abuse your offer it should make them more comfortable in asking again when they are stuck.

I'm on a couple of local charitable committees and two others close by sometimes share lifts, but it's only twice a month.

Hubby recently got into a situation he felt was uncomfortable. A long-standing acquaintance asked for a lift to a hospital appointment. DH assumed it was a one-off and willingly agreed. The hospital was 25 miles away in the middle of Manchester. Okay for a one-off. But he was asked again a month later, and again.......and again. And then to drive the wife to Chesterfield hospital, a similar distance, and again.....and again. Suddenly he had become a free taxi service, on demand. True, they bought him a cuppa in the hospital cafe and gave him a fiver for fuel (ha, ha), and the wife gave him a houseplant for me.

Both destinations are accessible by public transport, albeit needing a change from train to bus (or taxi). Plus we have Community Drivers who regularly volunteer for such help to pensioners/disabled etc.

It would have been better if the couple had asked a few different friends (and remember we were only acquaintances) to spread the load and avoid the ill-feeling.

Depends on circumstances

RoseLily, no I am not a cab driver! Currently I am unable to drive for a while. I was wondering whether I dared ask my neighbours for a lift or if they would feel under an obligation. I am not very good at asking. Mostly my family are able to help.

I wouldn’t want it to be expected of me, it ties you down, sorry if that sounds blunt but it’s true. I would rather take a taxi as it does rather out people on the spot.

Cabbie21 Sun 29-Oct-23 20:01:58
Would you think a neighbour or an acquaintance was really cheeky if they asked you for a lift?
Would it depend on the circumstances or would you automatically agree or make an excuse/ refuse?
Maybe if you told us more of the circumstances Cabbie21, it would be easier to reply - or is the hint in your name??

If I drove, I'd take people, yes, but then they have to find their own way back home, because I wouldn't want to wait until they'd finished whatever it was they went for. In fact, I often ask my husband to dive me somewhere, and then he leaves so I'd not be in a hurry because he'd be waiting for me...

I'd help if I could... even though I live in an area of a major city, to get to one of the main hospitals (actually a centre for cancer care), the bus service has been cancelled so it would be two buses or an expensive taxi journey.....so if I could assist someone, then I would, there might be a time I'd need help and I'd hope someone would show me the same generosity of spirit.

If I could help I would, my husband would definitely go out of his way to help someone. When we first moved to this small village in France my husband had to go into hospital within the first few weeks. Two ladies from the village came to see me and asked if I needed anything or wanted a lift to the hospital in Limoges. I have never forgotten their kindness.

When I was younger and didn't have a car, I used to walk to work - about three miles. There was a bus but it only went about half of the way and by the time I had waited (because of the bus times) for it I was halfway there anyway.

My boss used to drive past me almost every day on her way to the same office. I would have never have asked for a lift. She picked me up a couple of times when it was pouring down but made it clear it wasn't going to be a regular thing.

At the time I was of the mind that if it was the other way around, I would have picked her up. In hindsight, I understand that you wouldn't want it to become a habit or an obligation.

In regard to the OP. I think it would depend on the distance. If it was only three or four miles away I would say do it. If it was something like both of you going to a club or keep fit class at the same time, I would also give them lift.

If it was a 40 mile round trip, then that's a different thing altogether.

My DS does a car share with his mate who works at the same place. It works well for them and saves them both money.

I was asked to weekly gave someone an after-work lift to a course we were both doing. I had to drive about 4 miles to pick them up then double back on myself the same dropping them off going home.. After six months I had a parents' evening for DD's and said in advance I would not be going. They were really put out and quite abrupt.
She forgot that my route to the girl's school passed her house. There on the drive sat the family car.
After that, I found an excuse not to give the lift she used their own car and I got a box of Maltesers!!!!
My mother always said never a borrower or a lender be and I added never an offerer or an asker be. It just makes life easier .

I don't drive due to epilepsy. I would never aske for a lift from anyone. The six months my dh was in hospital l waited for buses both to and from the hospital in the winter whilst neighbours passed by the bus stop.
I think it is cheeky to ask but if it is offered l think it's ok to accept.

Crazymum - what an awful, entitled family you have been married into ! The son is obviously totally different or you wouldn’t have stayed married for 43 years ….

When my fil was in hospital I offered to take my mil to visit. It became an every day thing. But as weeks went by I would pull up at her house and various family would come out and get in the car. The 8 mile journey was completed with not a word spoken to me. Clouds of smoke from back seat.( I don't smoke). I paid fuel and parking and sat and waited for them to come back out. Return journey was the same and they got out without a word . This continued for 3 months! And in between times I was summoned for mil hospital/gp appointments. Not a thank you . And later at a family occasion I was told I'm "not family really" (43 yrs married to her son ) won't be taken for a fool again .

One offered to pick me up after an appointment but I felt she was irritated when the time was vague and I had to phone when I was finished. I took a taxi the next time.

greenlady102

Fae1

A neighbour asked me to drive her to work 40 miles away. I'm retired and I had the time but resented doing it after it became a habit and I had it while away a few hours while she worked to be there to drive her home again. So yes - I considered that to be very cheeky and rude. She wasn't even a friend, just someone who lived in the same road.

wow, did she think you were her chauffeur or what?

No I wouldn't do that.. I would give a lift if someone needed one but as most have said I probably wouldn't do it regularly

I wouldn't think it was cheeky as long as it wasn't a huge distance and didn't turn into an expectation of a lift at any time for non-urgent things.
I would ask for a lift if I knew someone was going the same way or it was a one-off due to my car being off the road or something.
Different with close friends of course.
A colleague once asked someone at work to give them a lift to and from work as they stayed close to each other. He didn't mind at first, but when she started asking to pick things up on the way back, drop clothes at dry-cleaner, and expected the lifts every day no matter what else he had planned, he rightly just stopped giving her a lift at all.

I do not give lifts. Hospitals have volunteer drivers who can be requested to pick you up.

I do help people solve problems of transport. If a person is going to the same group as myself and their car has broken down then if they can get public transport to a place that is on my route I will pick them up and return them to the same place.

Years ago when I was a singe parent and didn't finish work until 7pm, a colleague started asking me for lifts home. At first I didn't mind as it was close to where I collected my daughter - but then it became an expectation. If I wasn't going that way they still expected the lift and I felt obliged! I have to add they never offered to pay for petrol (not that I'd have taken it) or even gave me a small token at Christmas (as others I helped chose to do). It wasn't until they were retired that I realised the reason they didn't drive was due to a drink problem, which sadly caused a very premature death. I've been very wary of offering lifts ever since.

Fae1

A neighbour asked me to drive her to work 40 miles away. I'm retired and I had the time but resented doing it after it became a habit and I had it while away a few hours while she worked to be there to drive her home again. So yes - I considered that to be very cheeky and rude. She wasn't even a friend, just someone who lived in the same road.

wow, did she think you were her chauffeur or what?