Xmas money as gifts for adults

lilypops, I started off by suggesting either a home made gift or a charity shop find for < £5. That was a very nice challenge for the AC and myself. That lasted for two years and the eldest AC suggested no adult presents, we all liked that and that is how we got to no adult presents

I am widowed so I get treats and presents for myself.

DaisyAnneReturns. And when would you give it then ?

We buy our children and grandchildren gifts from their wish lists and exchange them in person, we’ve never given money, they are all local.

Candelle, I can beat that! My husband once bought me an iron!!

I get the pearl barley and think it is quite sweet.

As others have said whatever you can afford and dont leave yourself short.

Whatever you choose to do I hope you have a lovely Christmas 😃

Kittylester oh I do remember when my children e
We’re small , making sure they all had the same amount spent on them ,and that the pile was the same, I kept on adding as that pile was ore then that pile, on. Christmas Day. the paper was ripped off and nobody knew who had what,
Serendipity, Thankyou I hope you have a happy Christmas too
Thanks everyone for you sage advice, I will be cutting down this year,

MIL had 2 sons and was fairly well off, had more than her state pension to spend. Every birthday and Christmas she would send me and DH a small gift and a cheque for £20 thank you very much. Our DD celebrated her 18th and received a cheque for £1000 wow thanks Mum. DH spoke to her a few weeks later and thanked her again. Her reply was that she usually gave £1000 to other son but he had agreed that our DD could have that money for her birthday. She did these payments for 20 years......you work out the sums....please dont do this to your family

How sad your MIL potentially caused a rift between her sons chocolatepudding.
AC needs are often different, but circumstances and needs can change through life.
Whatever one is able to do for AC it should be equal.

Lilypops I would keep the gifts to the GC but discuss with the AC that presents should be for grand children only. And then treat yourself each Christmas to something really nice to enjoy which you may not have wanted/been able to spend the money on.

I agree that children should be treated equally. We take the view that if either of them needed a larger sum (eg if they were about to be homeless, hungry or needed a vital operation) we would give as much as we could to help without compensating the other one, but otherwise they get the same. Not the same presents, but the same rough amount spent on them - I wouldn't give one a box of chocolates and the other a car .

Our will splits whatever we have to leave between them, with instructions to sort out whatever possessions they don't put in a skip and share those too. So far, my daughter wants my jewellery (not in the Hatton Garden category ) and my son wants the record collection. That may change of course, as I hope we hang around a bit longer. They are both solvent, but if one worked to get a better-paid job than the other, I don't see it as fair that they should be means-tested by their parents. Our job was to give them the same start in life, not to keep their standard of living equal.

I have considered a secret santa, or a charity shop rule, but my children sometimes go to in-laws for Christmas, so I don't know how that would work. If anyone has any tips about how theirs work, I'd be interested to hear them. We don't have grandchildren yet, so presents can't move down a generation, but it feels like we are all looking for ways to spend money, as everyone has everything they need. It sometimes feels like we are buying for the sake of it, and it's all a bit pointless. We all like giving things to one another, but it's not easy to know what to get.

As for what is a reasonable amount for a gift, that is impossible to answer. It really is the thought that counts, not the amount.

We do a secret Santa ( there is an app that makes it very easy ) you can set the limit say £25 and even put a wish list on it . No one knows who got whom so the element of surprise is still there . I still buy additional gifts for the grandchildren but set my budget at £60 each . I’ve got 4 grandchildren in Australia aged 7-20 so sending gifts is difficult but I can still buy gifts for my grandchildren here in the U.K. . I don’t like giving money but it’s the best option for me

As a family, for all the adults, we do a Secret Santa using the Elfster app so nobody knows who is buying for whom. Everyone can post several ideas of what they’d like up to a limit of around £30, so you never know exactly what you’ll get, but know it will be something you want! Much better that everyone buying a gift for everyone and wasting a huge amount of money. We all buy separately for the smaller grandchildren. Older grandchildren take part in the Secret Santa. It works wonderfully!

Love your "man gift" story Candelle 😆❗ I only have one adult son and his family of two small children so I spoil them all rotten at Christmas. My dil doesn't like the fact that I generally 'over indulge' the children as they are rightly being taught the value of money, that kindness is more important
than gifts etc. However, at Christmas I get away with it as Santa is the guilty 'giver' not me. 😇

I had a lovely lesson from my 24 year old niece the other day. As a family we are not exchanging gifts this year.

I would have preferred to do so to be honest. Then my niece said that the best thing about Christmas is all being together and laughing so hard that your cheeks hurt. Sometimes it’s good to have a reminder of what Christmas can be for those of us who are blessed with family and friends. Best wishes to you all

My mother always gave £50 each - I spend more.
My DC and DIL get up to £200 each part cash/part presents and my GC will get £150-
£50 spent on Gifts/£100 on a voucher for clothing

Lilypops Is £50 each .... a reasonable amount.

Reasonable is what you wish to spend. Really, everyone is different (needs and wants) and spends quite differently.

We give our children a certain amount of cash each to buy themselves something plus a small present, gloves and hats this year and a box of chocs. We had a conversation with them a while ago about the fact we wanted to spend more on them than we wanted them to spend on us. We have the money and they don’t. So we get thoughtfully chosen wine for DH and chocs for me and a book or something.
The DGC now tend to have money as they’re all grown up but then I indulge myself by buying them a couple of small gifts of silly things I think they’ll like.
As for how much. I think it literally depends on your personal wealth or income and what you feel comfortable with.

We have a Secret Santa for the adults in the family and each year we have a theme. This year is ‘smelly socks’ - something smelly and socks. We don’t always see each other on Christmas Day, so we save the presents for a day during the festivities when we are all together. The grandchildren have also started their own Secret Santa because they liked the idea. They spend £5 on their nominated cousin, usually on chocolate or ‘tat’ from a cheap shop.

Together my husband and I, have 5 children and their 5 partners, and 11 grandchildren and 1 step grandchild, we give £30.00 for each grandchild and £30.00 per couple to our children.

I prefer to buy presents but have to go with the flow so we give £50 and I fill a stocking with inexpensive bits and pieces.
Actually this year we are taking our GS on holiday in May so he is getting a passport and a luggage tag.

My DSs and DD get £100 each plus a bottle of spirits, tin of chocolates and tin of biscuits.
DGC all get a selection box, one present about £10 - £15 in value and £60 cash each. I don't buy for any extended family anymore or friends they just get a card. Used to cost me a lot of money as I have a huge family, but now we've retired and moved away it's not practical or financially viable anymore.

Lily pops . I’d never heard of that but I love it! I get stressed each year, usually buying too much of stuff they neither want nor need, it’s just me feeling I have to give several gifts as if they were still children!
I’m following your lead this year, thank you!

We have 11 grandchildren, we give each £30 for Xmas and for birthdays. We don't buy for the grown ups, as they earn much more than we do, and they have never bought us gifts. we live on one wage, as I'm retired. £50 is very generous but it boils down to what you can afford doesn't it

So sorry it was Daisy Ann Returns that I was replying to!

My viewpoint is:

Firstly, the age of the grand children. I believe in books.

Grown married children, perhaps a gift certificate for a notable book shop or event or a lunch out, depending on budget.

£50 is what we give to our grandchildren if we're not choosing a gift, I did check with my DIL that she was happy with this as I was afraid it was too much as her own Mum isn't very well off.