Should we say anything?

pinkquartz

But not everyone has grandchildren and not all grandchildren live nearby.

Perhaps that rather flippant remark was also upsetting?

I agree my grandchildren live at the other end of the country and have friends who unfortunately never had children let alone grandchildren.

I think it’s a matter of choice, probably, I wouldn’t by choice have a lot to do with computers, not my thing.
But without a few basic skills I would be seriously restricting my life.
If she doesn’t want to learn, that’s up to her, but that doesn’t put her friends in the wrong for discussing it.

Yes, I wondered about that too pinkquartz - perhaps her sensitivity was more to do with the mention of grandchildren than the tech issue?

We have one lady in our WI (46 members at the last count) who is totally computer illiterate. She is only in her 70s and various people including her daughter, have offered to help but she flatly refuses. She doesn’t even have a mobile phone. It is particularly annoying for as Secretary. Every time we have a meeting I have to print off the minutes for her; when I update the members lists I print off reams of paperwork for her. Yes, I am annoyed. Using a computer is not rocket science.

You shouldn't have to moderate your conversation topics because someone struggles with the subject; perhaps if she had stayed she would have learned something, and I am sure you would all be willing to help.
I don't think there are courses on using mobile phones, are there? Computers ,yes, but it does help if there is someone nearby to come to your aid when you are stuck. I can manage my computer fairly well, but mobile phones confound me and I rely on my adult children and friends for help.
My son, who works in IT, says you can try and try with a computer but unless you are guided through the initial stages you can so easily go wrong. Many IT instructors explain once and are astonished that you aren't familiar with the terminology, (icons, cursor, cut and paste, drop down boxes etc etc) and cannot remember the sequence of instructions immediately.

But not everyone has grandchildren and not all grandchildren live nearby.

Perhaps that rather flippant remark was also upsetting?

I don't think standing up and leaving is rude at all. I would probably have done the same to stop myself from making a rude retort back. When the joke was made about grandchildrens help someone could have countered with I wouldn't ask mine and said something silly like they'll order loads of rubbish off Amazon.
If it was a health problem we would jump in to make people feel more comfortable. Why do we scoff when they are not up to date with technology?

Yes, we all are going to have to learn somehow sometime but like our mother's generation how many women never learned to drive and of those that did pass the test never drove again. I could fill at least 2 pages of A4.

kircubbin2000

She has been to 2 courses but couldn't take it in . I don't think she wants to try again.

It does sound a bit rude to rush off like that - possibly embarrassment, maybe a huff, maybe just boredom. Who knows. I don't think any apologies are in order though, all she had to do was excuse herself gracefully - 'I'm going to have to run, forgot xxx'.

She may be the sort of person who needs to take things slowly and practice a lot so that she can take it in. Sadly no matter how good courses are they aren't much use for people who don't understand and need lots of explanations/forget things quickly. I know because that's me these days! The trouble is once you've failed twice it's easy to believe you simply can't do things. She would probably be a lot better having a one-to-one with someone who can take things at her pace and answer her questions as they arise.

I’m far from being a natural, and I frequently ask my grandchildren how to do things.
I use a computer at work, but the minute something goes wrong, I’m lost.
I think she’s being over sensitive, and I agree with others, least said, soonest mended.
If she wants help ( not from her grandchildren) there are so many ways to obtain it, about twenty plus years ago, I did a computers for beginners class at the local college, and we were all at the same level, absolutely hopeless, but we gradually got the hang some basic skills.

Taking the huff and leaving abruptly sounds rather dramatic as well as rude. If we all did that in company when the subject is rather sensitive to us it would be a strange state of affairs.

Yes it’s been a learning curve for many of us technology wise. My late DH wouldn’t go near it and as a retired lawyer, still handed the odd legal document over to me to deal with on the computer when I knew as little as he did, so I had a go.
No need to apologise and that remark re gdc is one I use all the time
“Oh, I need a ten year old!” When stuck.
I feel stupid over numbers, a weakness of mine, but laugh it off.
I think she should have stuck at it.

Our library have "computer buddies" to help. Hopefully chosen for their sympathetic skills. As said already on this thread some people have got left behind for all sorts of reasons and then are too daunted to seek help.
And the fear of being scammed...which was being discussed... could be another fear.
Should you say something? Difficult one. Just be friendly and chatty about other stuff next time you meet. She may bring it up one day by herself.

I think some people say they can't understand technology when in fact they are too scared to try. It can be intimidating at first but I believe AgeUK offer advice or classes. Everyone needs to try otherwise they will be left behind sadly.

Lovetopaint037

I have encountered a few people of late who don’t have a computer or tablet. I have offered to help them if they get an iPad for example which is probably the easiest way in. However, the usual response is uncertainty and I can understand this. Fortunately (I am 82) I began to struggle with new technology some years ago when I began to fear my loss of independence in later years. It was much later when my dd persuaded me to have an iPad that my confidence zoomed and I gradually became happy to do most things on line. It is no joke to be cut off from simple procedures that are available on line so re- ordering medication from the GP, ordering shopping, texting, playing games like Wordle, taking photos etc etc etc. So if you can be helpful to someone near to you and give support and encouragement it is a worthwhile thing to do. The old saying “lt is easy when you know how “ is so true.

I absolutely agree. Having a laptop or i-pad at home to practise on makes all the difference..

I have encountered a few people of late who don’t have a computer or tablet. I have offered to help them if they get an iPad for example which is probably the easiest way in. However, the usual response is uncertainty and I can understand this. Fortunately (I am 82) I began to struggle with new technology some years ago when I began to fear my loss of independence in later years. It was much later when my dd persuaded me to have an iPad that my confidence zoomed and I gradually became happy to do most things on line. It is no joke to be cut off from simple procedures that are available on line so re- ordering medication from the GP, ordering shopping, texting, playing games like Wordle, taking photos etc etc etc. So if you can be helpful to someone near to you and give support and encouragement it is a worthwhile thing to do. The old saying “lt is easy when you know how “ is so true.

She has been to 2 courses but couldn't take it in . I don't think she wants to try again.

I don't think that trying to use a computer at the library will help this person's confidence much She really needs to get herself a laptop and just keep experimenting/plus do a course somewhere. You could help her by finding a local course, there are usually loads available at local colleges.. I think it's really difficult nowadays not having at least a basic knowledge of how to use a computer.. and it also opens up a whole new world of knowledge and communication.. enable her.. she's not stupid just somehow missed out on the learning process.

At least if she uses no online "tech" she is less likely to be scammed apart from the landline. So that's one silver lining.

Perhaps she was feeling just a bit left out. Like older women with no grandchildren, widows and those estranged from AC can feel. But does it mean no one else can discuss GC or husbands/wives or AC. Perhaps we should all be a bit more aware if the subject in discussion goes on too long or is too exclusive and someone is feeling left out. That is a message to myself as well.

DOH! 1970s! Not 1979s!!!

I took to technology like a duck to water and pick things up instinctively but this has been a skill developing over 30 years. In fact, we learned basic programming and were drawing flow charts when I was at s hool in the early 1979s. However I have sympathy for the lady who has absolutely no idea. It's no good telling her to ask the grandchildren as they will not have the patience to explain the basics, things that they have always done quite naturally. Someone of our generation with not even a basic understanding will not have these instincts - how to recognise symbols, what to click on and not to click on, where to be looking on the screen.

I do find it hard to believe that she has no knowledge at all, but there are always those who slipped through the net. They will not only realise that there is a whole world they know nothing about, but they feel left out and snubbed by the rest of us and now out of stubbornness refuse to have anything to do with it. It must be very daunting for them, and I'm not surprised she reacted like that.

Libraries have computers that you can use to access the internet. Think you have to book a time to use them. I don't know if you have a time limit or if you have to pay.

I know the Brain Charity gives lessons to people for free to teach them to use computers and smartphones . Other charities may do to.

I had to embrace technology and my daughter and family brought me a smartphone for Christmas 2019. I use it for everything. During COVID lockdowns I would have been lost without it. Do most of my shopping on it and have the NHS app so I can order my repeat prescription also have my banks app and northern train app.

Renewing my blue badge was easy I did it in my phone including sending a picture of myself. Mind you took me a few attempts to get a good selfie as they wanted a head shot to include my shoulders.

I have a neurological condition which means I can't take information in straight away that's why I have to write down instructions to work things. Also have to read instruction manuals few times to understand how the operate things. If I don't write things I need to remember on certain days on my calendar I forget.

The lady may be like me and when she took the computer course she may have need to write down the instructions so she could understand and remember what to do.

Or perhaps, not being ‘into’ technology, she just found the conversation boring and felt excluded.

I meet up with a small group of friends now and again. I was the first to have GC, my youngest is nearly 16. The others have much younger ones, babies and ones starting school etc.

I don’t think I went on a lot about mine when they were small, and didn’t flash round heaps of photos etc, but do find at our meet ups that their GC and their doings dominate the conversations. Plus lots of photos to view on their phones, (not available so much years ago).

I feel a bit excluded, but realise this is how things are, and can sympathise with the OP if she felt ‘out’ of it.

Yes ,one of the ladies is going to call with her today.

I don't think anyone did anything wrong - the get a grandchild to help you comment is part of general parlance these days - and very true!

I think you have all just discovered how over-sensitive this lady is and need to decide whether it is least said soonest mended or whether having a chat and offering help with this is the best way to go. It slightly depends how well you all know her. Perhaps the one who knows her best could have a chat with her.

I have a neighbour who likes to brag at how useless she is with technology. She only does Facebook and Candy Crush.

I have offered (not that I am an expert) to show her Google, GN, rightmove, etc., but she does not answer.

I think she felt worse because she has been for some lessons but couldn't work the computer and I know she wouldn't spend money to get a phone contract although I believe you can use the Internet in cafes etc. Is that true?