Should we say anything?

Latootle

perhaps you could phone her make a date for her tocome to you for coffee and show her a few bits and bobs if she has a mobile

your a bit late, last post a month ago! 18th dec. all been said.

Yes, I am annoyed. Using a computer is not rocket science.

Ladyleftfieldlover

For some, it might just as well be rocket science.

It's a mistake to believe that because you find something easy enough to understand, everyone else should, too.

As my ever-patient, tech-savvy son said once when we were discussing my partners inability to grasp the basics of IT - you have to have an instinct for it, and not everyone does.

... and if you show your irritation at their lack of the required skill - then don't be surprised if they dig their heels in.

There are some talents that others have that I know I will never possess and although I consider myself reasonably intelligent, I know that however many times certain things are explained to me - they will never 'sink' in so will not waste time trying to learn something that will always be a puzzle to me.

It might be irritating to have to print off reams of notes after a meeting for one person, but it's a small price to pay to make someone feel - and be - included. And one thing for sure... tutt-tutting at someone's lack of knowledge will never encourage them in the slightest to update it!

My Dad is 81 and does not have a mobile phone, doesn’t use a tablet, laptop, computer (has never driven a car).
Yes he has been asked if he wants to learn. He has no interest what so ever.
Luckily my Mum is able to use all of the above, just very basically.
I guess we are all different.

perhaps you could phone her make a date for her tocome to you for coffee and show her a few bits and bobs if she has a mobile

Tanjamaltija

To all those saying that this lady ought not to have been offended - imagine finding yourself in the midst of a group of experts discussing something way above your head - quantum mechanics, surgery, robotics, astronomy... and when you ask a question, they dismiss you airily, and tell you to ask your grandchildren. To this person, IT was the same as these things would have been to you. I would suggest someone calls her and apologises...and offers to teach her 'stuff'.

Indeed. There is something, somewhere, that many of us don't understand -- nor do our grandchildren. I have no mobile, fancy that, won't work out here. I live my life happily with a computer.

I have a mobile phone, not a smart phone. I'm happy with calls and texts and don't feel the need of anything more. I use this tablet a lot for email, fb and GN, and googling things, so I'm not a Luddite. Last week with a group of friends a Whatsup group was suggested but as I can't do it they said they wouldn't. I said 'go ahead, don't mind me ' but they wouldn't. I don't want to feel pressurised to get a smart phone just so they can have a Whatsup group, I don't particularly want. We are fb friends and meet as a group a couple of times a year.

To all those saying that this lady ought not to have been offended - imagine finding yourself in the midst of a group of experts discussing something way above your head - quantum mechanics, surgery, robotics, astronomy... and when you ask a question, they dismiss you airily, and tell you to ask your grandchildren. To this person, IT was the same as these things would have been to you. I would suggest someone calls her and apologises...and offers to teach her 'stuff'.

I don’t think the comment was rude or offensive I often say I will have to ask my grandchildren how to do this with my phone or I pad I’m 65 and had no experience of a computer in my younger years and I’m not ashamed to admit it

I can appreciate in some way how the lady may have felt. I've had a mobile since the early 90s, used computers since the 80s, developing systems for admin bases to use into the 00s so some would think I should be quite skilled. That is not the case. Technology has moved on at a fast rate and unless you use it regularly it's very easy to fall behind and systems can become confusing and for some that leads to avoidance. Since my DH died I have had to deal with all technology issues and I have not found it easy. The lady is known to have issues so it's not surprising she left. No harm was likely to have been intended but as her situation is known, someone contacting her to at least explain and perhaps offer some technology support is good.

I hate it when small groups get together for coffee ect. as soon as one leaves the others invariably say something about them!

leave this lady alone and greet her in the same way if she shows up again....The problem is yours not hers.

You should never presume everyone knows everything and maybe next time say does everyone know how to do it I don’t know as much but I can show you. I’m the youngest in our street so I’m forever showing my neighbors stuff on there phones because they don’t always want to ask their family for looking stupid. I’ve got iPhone smart tv you name it I even stop cold callers knocking on the doors. It all started when I moved in someone was trying to book a taxi and I said Uber is the best option so I showed how easy it was to book and let’s say this one told that one and before I knew it I’ve got many asking me for help and I show them. I learned how to use a pc at the library then I went on to do advanced courses and then in my job as a manager most of my staff were young so what I didn’t know I’d ask them but everything is on line. If she didn’t pick it up the first time maybe she could redo the coarse. Some ppl just don’t want to learn

I would say sorry but then leave it.No suggestions for her to go learn about them etc thats up to her. I resisted a smartphone for ages just because they were 'all the rage' but i wouldnt be without it now.

Back around the year 2000 there was a government initiative called UK Online. Various teaching venues, eg pitmans centres, libraries etc hosted this opportunity for people who had no knowledge of computers, emailing or using the internet to come and learn the absolute basics. Even as basic as how to switch it on and where to put a floppy disc ( now a thing of the past!)
I hosted a few venues in our local group of church halls and guided many nervous and some embarrassed, folk into the world of IT. Some were young and some were old. Our oldest client was 84 but he left each week with a smile on his face and went on to purchase a computer for his home. With the support of our sessions he found a new independence.
The funding for the initiative ended but it was always the intention that the centres would become self sufficient.
I don’t know if the libraries, or indeed other teaching venues still do such a thing but it could be a way forward for your friend. Maybe U3A session somewhere?
It’s a horrible feeling to be so clueless about something that everyone else seems to understand (even if they don’t really).
I’m sure she would be eternally grateful if you could help ease her into this high tech world we now live in.

To be honest shes being over sensative i often help my friends older and younger with tech stuff shes being childish walking off but i would def see if shes ok

Like others I had luckily to accept IT training at work from the 1980s. OPs friend probably did not have the opportunity and now is left behind.
I find there have been enormous changes since I retired 14 years ago so I can feel a little left behind although I still have the basic knowledge.
OP said that one of the group was going to ring the woman. I wonder how that turned out.
She could be dyslexic, she maybe has no grandchildren and the jokey remark upset her. She may feel frustrated or embarrassed. Who knows. She probably wasnt intending to be rude, but just wanted an escape. Groups of possibly vociferous women can be intimidating.
I hope the telephone call turned out well. And if she turns up again OP can be friendly. We all know she is missing out.

I worked within IT for a short while when the office I worked in (in 1980), decided to embrace technology and really enjoyed learning. Now at 65, I do have an IPhone, a tablet and a laptop and do almost everything online, as well as keeping in touch with family in far flung places, playing the odd addictive game, listening to the radio/music and reading the news. Sad to say, but I’d be lost without technology.

There’s prob something at which she’s much better than the rest of you. Work out what it is and talk about that next time.

Tenko

Does she have GC to help her . Or if she had GC , is she close to them ? Maybe it was the GC comment that offended her .

Perhaps a Christmas card - telling her how lovely it was to see her, hope to visit again soon, Happy Christmas!

I do think all the modern conveniences are overwhelming for a lot of people, and how they react is the thing. Just think if you weren't good at reading, like so many are. Perhaps she was never diagnosed, but is dyslexic. There could be so many reasons she avoids technology, and perhaps her back was up feeling out of place amongst the rest of the group that was obviously coping. Or perhaps she was scammed and didn't want to be seen as stupid.

I'm afraid my older sister is like this. Overwhelmed and basically ignores anything new. She has a clunky old computer, but no cell phone. We gave her an answer machine for her land line years ago, but she never set it up. Doesn't record tv shows because it would be too confusing, etc. When her husband died, my younger sister helped her through all the paperwork with insurance, banking, bills etc.

The next time you see your friend, maybe ask if anything was said to upset her, and offer to help, or find help for her.

Does she have GC to help her . Or if she had GC , is she close to them ? Maybe it was the GC comment that offended her .

The thing is, it's now more or less impossible to partake in the adult world without operating a smartphone. That lady must really feel at a loss
I think it's lovely that one of your group is visiting her. I hope she can be encouraged to get on with the tech.

Oh dear I just think bored or over sensitive not worth worrying about

I think Old Frill has hit the nail.

JackyB asking the grandchildren certainly does work. Or at least it has for me with mine. I still smile to myself when several years ago my 11 year old grandson helped me with something. When I grasped it quickly he said, 'You are a good student grandma'.

As she's been to two courses and not taken it in she's probably mighty frustrated with herself and you all talking about it has made her more frustrated with herself rather than the people in the group. That's how I think I'd feel. I don't know if you can do/say anything to make her feel better, but it's very kind of you to care. Maybe, in the course of a normal conversation you could say if she needs any computer related help just to ask you.