Should I just keep the pages blank?

I was given this book from my youngest dgs a few years ago. My marriage to his dgf had ended badly between us but my 2 dds had remained close to us both until he sadly died before dgs was born. I thoroughly enjoyed filling in the book. I was very mindful that despite a horrible divorce I was recalling times spent with his dgf and my dds df. I was diplomatic and stuck to facts regarding where we met, married etc. I didn’t see any point in sharing unhappy memories for my deceased ex husband’s children & grandchildren. As it turned out the whole family have read it and love it. I think it’s possible to skim over some questions and after all, it is a book about Grandma.

Is there absolutely nothing you can say in his favour to balance it up a bit? You married him so there must have been something at first. If you mix in something positive, even though difficult for you, with the fact you divorced, it will be more palatable.

when my Mum died I inherited all the family photos. She had written dates, names and places on the back of each one. It was so useful in building up a picture of their lives I shall do the same with all the photos I have to leave for my son..

If you do decide to fill anything in, do a practice run on a blank sheet of paper, set aside for awhile, go back and see if you're ok with it.
No need to rush, unless you'd rather just get it over with!
I have never heard of these books before. I hope you can arrive at something that suits you.

Speaking from my own experience of a very unhappy marriage, your children will not be unaware. I would simply add facts such as where/how you met and when you married and say that sadly the marriage was not a happy one and you were divorced in x year. That’s enough. No detail of what a bas*ard he was needed. If your grandchildren want to know more your children can in due course add to what you have said, as appropriate - or not. They too lived through that marriage.

Would it do any harm to be frank?

Write I met your grandfather in such-and-such a year and place, we married but unfortunately I was one of the unlucky women.

I discovered I hadn't known my husband well enough before we married, so we finally parted in 19xx.

That's all I am prepared to say about your grandfather, as I am afraid I cannot be fair to him if I go on.

Even if your grandchildren read this as children or teenagers, it will do them no harm to know that "they lived happily ever after" only happens in fairy-tales, and that some women, you amongst them, are unfortunate.

It might too, give them, if they too should dicover that their marriages are not working the courage to leave sooner than you did.

This is where journaling is so good. You put in the bits you want embellished with your thoughts and/or photos. You can leave the bad out. I am starting one tomorrow with my earliest memories although not necessarily in order. It’s my New Year’s Resolution to write something even if it’s only one word every day. I did this two years ago with family history I knew and it took 18 months.

As others have said, I would just fill in the basic data about Grandfather, Jazzhands, where you met, etc, with no further comment. Of course it’s fine for you to leave the rest blank under the circumstances. But I’d definitely fill the book in as regards your own life. I have three copies of a grandparent’s journal, one to pass on to each of my children, and so on to theirs. I also have three family history books, detailing what I’ve learnt about our family tree. It’s been a massive project, started in lockdown, and there’s still a lot to do. But I would have loved to have had all this information about my own family. None of my lot have shown much interest yet, but I can imagine they’ll have their “I wish I’d asked….” moments after I shuffle off this mortal coil.

I would just write just remember me as I was. And remember I have always loved you . And leave it at that.

My mom keep a diary from the 80's until she came to live with me. We found them in her house after she died every page just had the weather on it.

Our granddaughters mum gave me a similar book three years ago. No, I’ve not touched it, primarily because it asks for information I simply either don’t know or can’t remember. It’s also American in origin and very, very flowery in its language. My plan was and still is to write basic details about both our early lives print them, leave them with the book with thanks for reminding me not to lose our history. It will I hope show we understood her intent and appreciated the reminder that memories disappear when people do.

I think leaving accurate information about dates of birth, marriage and deaths of relatives with any known adresses is more useful. My husband's parents did a lot of work on their family tree but I had nothing. Being able to put your ancestors into a historical framework for your family and grandchildren is really interesting, much more than knowing if they had a good relationship! Also write snippets about your life, leave things like the odd receipt, salary slip family photos with names and information on etc, these are things that will be of interest in the future.

This gift Grandma book cropped up in conversation as it’s a lovely idea but for some including me not so good. How do I write notes about my GC biological GD when he was an abusive rat from hell.

It’s something I do not want them to know and precisely why their dad my son changed his name. Its a shame really but somethings including family members need to be in the past and left there.

polomint

That's such a pity louella12 that your parents had not even started the book

Thank you, and yes polomint

They'd had quite exciting lives. Mum Mum was an air stewardess on BOAC way back and my father had fought in the second world war.

They'd lived all over the world but couldn't put pen to paper about it.

I'm sure they had their reasons. Or maybe they just put it away and forgot all about it!

It's a nice idea think. I'll certainly fill one in if we are ever presented with one!

Yes - that reminds me - I was given one a couple of years ago - started writing and then put it in the drawer and forgot all about it. I too had painful times and am wondering whether I should enter the details 🤔

That's such a pity louella12 that your parents had not even started the book

People can have traumatic or chaotic lives., not every family has a loving, stable background that makes a good story. I think I'd be tempted to donate the book to charity and make a scrap book with the information, photos, mementos etc that you are happy to share and would like your grandchildren to know.

I gave one of these to my parents when the children were small.

Next time I saw it was when I was emptying the house after their death.

Not a page had been filled

Fill them in without any detail ie where you met etc can be reasonably neutral you don’t need to fill in any abuse details etc
Your children must know about your difficult life and understand why you don’t fill in some of the details

Just fill in "your" pages.
Ask your children to fill in the other pages as they see fit.
Other than that... 🤷

That's such a lovely gift but I can see there will be upsetting times completing it for you. Could you perhaps put the bare bones in some sections? Where you met for example. I don't expect you to lie, and I understand you don't want to document the awful bits. Any that can't just have a simple answer just leave blank, that's not awful, that's just sensible. I hope you can get some pleasure filling in the lovely bits.