I’m becoming the last one standing

What I miss now is a close female friend.
For the first time in my life I don't have any female that I can chat and giggle with and go out for lunch etc.
And the wonderful little gang that I had locally completely broke up with covid and then various events happened which meant we never got back together...Death, illness etc
My sons are wonderful and I love my adult grandchildren but I just don't have a close friend to confide in and so feel quite isolated and alone in a way.
Also, I'm by far the oldest person in my family, a real matriarch now.

My oldest friend is suffering with alzheimer's disease. She always knows me though. One of our most recent conversations, she informed me she had just had a baby and shouted to the nurse to ask if her baby was a boy or a girl! We always laugh a lot and enjoy our talks.
My next oldest friend is so involved with her husband's, and indeed her own healthcare, she
has no time for anything else. Others have passed. Oh, it is so hard.

I’ve always had lots of friends I long for those easy long lunches and holidays we all shared.

In a group, I am usually the one leaning back in their chair looking disengaged. Not sure why, but I prefer friends one at a time, and always have. Nearly all the friends I have made are through groups.

However, I come from an army family, i spent my childhood constantly changing school, making friends, leaving and starting again. so and I am quite good at building new networks.

We are expecting to move to be more accessible for our children and we have thoroughly researched several towns before choosing to move to one that has lots of activities going on that we enjoy so that sperately and together we can build up a new circle of people we know and wills top to chat to , if we see them in the street.

I think a lot of us probably feel like this. DH died 4 years ago, closely followed by one of my oldest friends. We used to be a group of 4 friends who did things together, now we are just 3 and we are all the same age so who knows how long we can carry on. I am quite friendly with people in a couple of groups I have joined, but we aren't what you'd call close. I've got some old friends I keep in touch with on line, but years can go past without us actually meeting. Most of my social life is involved with my family now.

Apart from my sister who lives in a care home, I am the oldest in my family; thankfully my children and grandchildren are around and I see them quite a bit, but they all have busy lives.
I have a good number of acquaintances from church and choirs, some I am close to but it is not quite the same as the friends I have known for years though rarely see as they live a long way away.
There must be many people in similar situations. As a society we have not really succeeded in preventing loneliness.

I’m learning this from a one step removed point with my father who’ll be 90 this year and has no friends still alive because he’s outlived them all although he’s now showing signs of frailty.

I haven’t yet lost any friends (older or younger) but most have illnesses, some serious, and it occurs to me that I’ll soon be in the same position as my dad!

I think that most of the people I regard as friends these days are internet chums; some I’ve met, some I’ve just chatted to on social media. Many of my friends from ‘the real world’ have gone and I have no family left apart from a cousin who is much older than me. I do have three friends from my childhood and teenage years but I only speak to them on Facebook or, occasionally on the phone. I tried going to U3A but found it very cliquey.

Allsorts I know exactly what you mean. And that lady probably sees everyone in the group as friends but not the type of close long term friendship you once enjoyed. My best friend died. Another is not quite what she used to be. But we've had many happy years friendship My mum died, another bf moved away, one who was potentially close. I've resigned myself to having just friends at groups. I don't think anyone can replace what we have lost. I think it's just part of life. It takes many years of sharing things to grow close I think.

Perhaps that lady in your group feels exactly as you do - that "I have people I see in groups etc but that closeness isn’t there." . It is possible to grow closer to people you see in a group, but only if you see them repeatedly and regularly for a while, and share a lot together, exposing your vulnerabilities and weaknesses - all the things that you shared with the old friends you have lost. You have to create that shared history from scratch over a shorter time than was available when you were all younger.

Allsorts I think as we get older, it's get harder to lose the ones we love and are close too.

There are others in your group who no doubt value your friendship so focus on them.