Need to economise…

nancynunu - same thing happened to one of my dear friends. Fortunately, she found a good job, and rebuilt her life with her 3 children. However happy your marriage is, please be aware of your finances. Glad I did.

Husband and I have separate bank accounts mainly because I am not very good with money - not spent on me I hasten to add! However since I have retired on a very small private pension and state pension I still have to pay towards bills and I am struggling, husband gives me a little
Money now and then but I have to wait til he offers . He is still working and has large amounts of savings . I feel like a 50’s wife and the stress of no money is awful

Hope you feel better soon,try to use stuff you have stored in your cupboards & research cheap meals,you can do a lot with chickpeas ! Cancel any subscriptions you don’t really need——— have a timer you can set for heating & water,if that would work in your house.Be careful how much powder or liquid you use in your washer,apparently you need at lot less if you have soft water.Good luck.

If you eat out at restaurants then try to limit the number of times you go out. Eating out eats up money!

If you are on a phased return to work then you should be on your contracted pay. I would look at your contract and maybe phone ACAS.

4allweknow

Mamma66 Didn't think you could have a joint ISA. Interesting to read you and DH have individual and a joint one.

I was recently told by my bank that DH and I needed individual ones, it was not possible to have a joint ISA. 🤔

Mamma66 Didn't think you could have a joint ISA. Interesting to read you and DH have individual and a joint one.

Jane43

My daughter-in-law of 31 years was diagnosed with breast cancer in May last year, it is inoperable and has caused lymphedema in her right arm and hand. She has been unable to return to work as she cannot yet drive, write or use a computer. I persuaded her to ask McMillan if she is entitled to any benefits, she was resistant at first as she has worked since she was 16 but after her chemotherapy she did enquire and she found she could claim PIP which isn’t means tested; her claim was approved and she began receiving payments just before Christmas. I suggest you look into this as it could make a difference to your financial situation.

I was diagnosed with terminal cancer last march and my sarcoma nurse applied for DLA for me under the special rules. You need to be expected to live less than 3 months to get it. My nurse said not to google the forms but I was immediately given higher rate for care and higher rate for mobility. The mobility part can be used for a motability car. I was awarded both indefinitely. I hope that your dil keeps going for a long,long time.

I had a joint account during my 19 yeAr marriage then my husband cleared the account leaving me and my three children with no money for bills ,mortgage and food . I found a job straight away but it didn't pay for everything. My house was repossed and we had to live in a council flat with no lifts and very thin walls the children never recovered from the shock of it all. I will never have a shared account again

I know of couples with all manner of managing their finances and most seem to work fine. My husband and I have always (for 51 years) had a joint account for almost everything. In the beginning we were so strapped for money there was no other way to make sure we coped. Once I got my qualifications things were better - but not for long as children came along and I became a housewife - for about 4 months before getting a part-time evening job. Even then, all money went into the joint account. However, DH was hopeless with budgeting and was happy to leave it all to me. Today it's the same. I frequently take him through our finances and attempt to discuss things with him but he prefers to leave it to me cos I do a good job. There was a time when we both had "extra" jobs and kept our own moneys, and I still have one so that account still exists and pays for a few small luxuries for us - like our subscription to Which? If the balance builds up in either account it gets shunted into a savings account and we periodically decide together what to do with that.

We only went into overdraft for one month when I had a strop and decided that he should manage the finances - never again!!!

Our elder daughter has the same arrangement with her hubby cos he is simply not interested in the responsibility.

Younger daughter has a different approach with her hubby but I'm not sure exactly what it is.

Of course, these approaches are all fine if there is enough money to go round, however it is managed.

We have a separate bank account for our pensions each and two joint ones for bills . My husband gets more so he pays the big bills and myself the car and meals out etc - it works for us .

welshgirl2017

Germanshepherdsmum

Roast lamb doesn’t have to mean a joint. Lamb chops or steaks will be just as tasty with the usual accompaniments. Same with pork. Swap a whole chicken for two breasts. You can still have a lovely roast for a fraction of the cost.

Two chicken breasts will cost almost as much as a whole chicken. We buy a whole chicken and my husband cuts it up - we have a roast with the breast, use the legs for either pasta dishes or cawl so we get at least 3 meals, sometimes 4 out of a whole chicken.

This is true if you are a couple and can afford a whole chicken large enough to make several meals plus soup from the carcass, but some people can’t stretch to that and, if working, often don’t have a lot of time for cooking. As a working single mother many years ago I often bought two chicken breasts for Sunday lunch for my son and I. The time for inventiveness with leftovers came when I retired. In those days it was a question of what was inexpensive, quick to cook, acceptable to a child whist being healthy, and no waste. Chicken breasts and thighs were very useful and I could probably write a book called ‘101 Ways With Mince’!

WonderfulLife

I m a bit confused when you say MY savings have reduced dramatically and you don't want to put pressure on your husband. Do you mean that you and your husband have seperate bank accounts.

I honestly find that awful, my late husband and I had joint accounts from the day we became engaged until the day he died. He was ill for eight years before he died and had to take early retirement, 5 years before his state pension was due and we were not allowed Attendance Allowance as they said my husband was not ill enough (but when we finally got it, my husband died three months later).

We used our joint savings to pay for everything, wheelchairs, urinals, walking sticks and frames, stair lifts and nebulisers because the NHS provided them at first but then wanted them back and because we had money in the bank we could not claim benefits.

Why can't your husband help you out, surely you are a partnership and should be supporting each other.

My mind boggles when I read about married couples having their own accounts.

Me too

Germanshepherdsmum

grandtante, when one holder of a joint account dies, in England and Wales the money in the account belongs to the survivor(s) in England and Wales (I can’t speak for Scotland or NI). The bank will need to see the death certificate in order to remove the name of the deceased from the account. The account won’t be frozen.

Thanks so much for clarifying, GSM, we live in England, when my Dad died back in 2016 all jointly held accounts were fine, I just popped the death certificates down and just his single accounts frozen and held til probate granted.

grandtante, when one holder of a joint account dies, in England and Wales the money in the account belongs to the survivor(s) in England and Wales (I can’t speak for Scotland or NI). The bank will need to see the death certificate in order to remove the name of the deceased from the account. The account won’t be frozen.

The happiest years of our married lives were when we had to budget and enjoyed the challenge, but I suppose we were young then and believed that things would become easier, which they did. Not so much fun as we get older.

Reading this I feel the need to ask you all to check with your banks whether joint accounts are frozen upon the death of the one holder.

The are in Denmark, and my understanding is that this is a principle of any country's banking systems.

In other words, if you only have joint accounts the survivor will literally be left with no access to his our her own money until Probate has been granted on the death of their spouse.

Here all married couples are advised and expected to have seperate accounts as well as any joint accounts they may wish to have.

Our state pensions can only be paid into our separate accounts as no details of anyone's income may be revealed by any authority or bank to anyone else (including a spouse)

So look into this ASAP or you may find yourself in a very unenviable position while trying to deal with the loss of your spouse.

Sorry OP! First I hope your health continues to improve. Apart from everything already suggested: do you have any magazine, newspaper, Netflix etc. subscriptions, or donations to charities that are paid by standing order? If so, you might want to put all these on stand-by until things improve financially again.

Please, do not rush back to work, or take too seriously the making food from scratch idea if you do the cooking. It is a fine one if you husband cooks, but as I am sure you are tired, or tire easily right now, it is not for you.

And if your better half can't do housework now is the time for him to learn, or else just let it pile up, until you feel like doing it.

"therefore my head isn’t turned by things that aren’t on my list."
I agree with this Germansheperdsmum, also taking cash only when shopping and taking a flask and snack when out and about. Also you tube tutorials for a new craft, skill or recipe so you are still having fun without expensive courses or venue tickets.

Is this the same as the famous mumsnet chicken? ;)

Use the chicken carcass to make a glorious soup. Add loads of veg. And pasta if liked. Makes a substantial meal almost for free.
Don't forget to bin the bones.

Germanshepherdsmum

Roast lamb doesn’t have to mean a joint. Lamb chops or steaks will be just as tasty with the usual accompaniments. Same with pork. Swap a whole chicken for two breasts. You can still have a lovely roast for a fraction of the cost.

Two chicken breasts will cost almost as much as a whole chicken. We buy a whole chicken and my husband cuts it up - we have a roast with the breast, use the legs for either pasta dishes or cawl so we get at least 3 meals, sometimes 4 out of a whole chicken.

I feel very strongly about keeping my own bank account which is a kind of independence. My Mother, born in 1906, believed exactly the same. Its still possible to work out some financial decisions together. To me, sharing a single bank account goes back to the idea of women being dependent on me.

Another thing I find helpful is making a list of stuff we need and sticking to it so I save money, also draw out the cash before as it’s easy to dab a card .

I not only plan meals, I shop for all the basics online and therefore my head isn’t turned by things that aren’t on my list. If you get deliveries Tues to Fri most supermarkets don’t make a delivery charge.

We base our meals around veg and pulses . Smaller amounts of meat can be added if you wish . Heated throw are great to keep the chill off instead of upping the heat of the room . Going through all your outgoing bills and seeing if you can swop for cheaper alternatives. Seeing it as a short term thing helps , I hope you get well soon.