I’d love to know what this perceived rudeness was when he first met your (then) seven-year-old GS. Something so heinous that he, a grown man, is still festering about it a year later! You said that GS had interrupted him. Is that all? That’s just how animated conversation goes. Children are excitable.
You said: I’ve asked him to move on and try to build a relationship with my GS but he flatly refuses. Flatly refuses.
It reminds me of the Cat Stevens song Father and Son.
How can I try to explain, cause when I do he turns away again
It's always been the same, same old story
From the moment I could talk I was ordered to listen
Now there's a way and I know that I have to go away …
That’s the thing that worries me about this. Your GS is old enough to be aware that he no longer sees you as much as he used to, that you now are living far away for much of the year with a man who doesn’t like him. That could so easily be interepreted in a child’s mind as Grandma goes away because I did something wrong. That kind of thing can play on a child’s mind for a very long time.
This isn’t a hiccup. Callistemon is right. This is a big red flag with narcissist written on it. He, a 78-year-old man is effectively giving your eight-year-old GS the silent treatment. It is a well-used weapon in the narcissist’s armoury because they know that it hurts. To do that to a child is unforgiveable.
Saying it’s just a hiccup is a form of baiting.
Baiting is a tactic used by a narcissist to intentionally provoke an emotional response from the victim, generally while feigning innocence.
Silent Treatment is a period of non-responsiveness in which the narcissist treats the person as if he or she doesn’t exist. The narcissist implements it as a form of punishment if a person engages in a behaviour that the narcissist doesn’t like.
You say he doesn't have a relationship with his own grandaughters of a similar age. In that case, he is unlikely to put himself out to have one with your GS. Only you know if that’s a deal breaker.
hello!
