What’s happened to Grandson

Good post, woodenspoon

Parental expectations can be suffocating.

At the moment he is being treated like a boy at school. At sixth form college he will be treated like a young man. For some, this is what they need.
From what you say, your young man has a clear idea of where he is going: university, work in London etc. he just needs to spread his wings a bit. If he is the last one left at home, sisters both in London, he might be struggling with being the sole focus of mum and dad and expectations.

Of course you all love him and that is why he will be okay.

I remember my DS2, left school at 16 and then slept for 3 years. Not continuously but he turned night into day and we told him to go and live with his friends and let them put up with him full time.

My DM was a help by reminding me what my brother had been like at the same age and look how he has become a responsible adult.

I am currently staying with my DS2 in NZ, his wonderful OH and their DS who is about to turn 12.......

Life goes full circle. Don't give up!
I enjoyed those clips M0nica 😊

MissAdventure

Hmmm..
I was not too bad.
I certainly had more respect for my elders, and I was careful not to get in trouble with my mum.

I was worse with my dad, who was a lovely bloke, not at all the heavy father. But I argued with him all the time and took my mum's side in everything.
I dread to think what I'd be like today. There were so many rules then being rebellious was easier.

One of mine was like this. Really quite academically gifted in Maths but messed around, slept almost all the time and was gobby with everyone. Always thought he was right. He sailed through his GCSEs but was still lazy in sixth form and was the cohort that didn't do exams due to covid so got a much lower grade than he imagined.

It was the kick up the behind he needed tbh. He had to apply to a degree course with a foundation year but I will give him the credit here, he matured and worked really hard and gained more confidence and it looks like he is going to get a First (a 2:1 at worst!)

So hang on in there

Hmmm..
I was not too bad.
I certainly had more respect for my elders, and I was careful not to get in trouble with my mum.

If my experience is anything to go by, Dolly, your grandson will do well at sixth form college in a less regimented environment.

I do wonder were none of you difficult teenagers? I was the teenager from hell (maybe I haven't changed). Fortunately when I grew up there were a lot of rules to defy and not a lot of bad people to mix with. But I was always late for school (I had an interesting discussion about if this was rebellion or not with a lecturer years later) I just couldn't seem to get anywhere on time. I skipped homework, dodged PE and games lessons, answered back and argued the point about everything and was generally very unhappy. I scraped through O levels, stayed on and got a few not very good As, left school and somehow grew up.
I think you have to realise that the bad behaviour isn't deliberate and the teenager isn't trying to get at you. They are probably very unhappy with themselves. That said I wouldn't want to have to cope with one again. So MissAdventure and DollyD I wish you all the best
I'm also wondering how my DS will cope if my GD goes off the rails. He had a few colourful teen years!

woodenspoon you’re right, I think he is fed up with school now and can’t wait to get to 6th Form College, also the college he wants to go to will give him an hours private Music Tuition per week.
He knows what he wants to do, he’s pretty good at all subjects but is really interested in Geography, so unless he changes his mind he’ll be going to Uni studying Geography.
He also wants to eventually work in London where his twin sisters, who both got Firsts Degrees and Masters are working.

I tried to add smiley icon faces but it didn't work, but your remarks did make me laugh.

I remember when I was a teenager and perhaps so will you, when your parents told you to do something you would argue with them, I honestly think he is going through the growing up phase (terrible teens) and when it settles down he will be just fine.

petra

Sounds like the majority of teenagers 😂
My grandson is so laid back he’s almost horizontal.

smile smile smile

Yes, its mine that's the mindless thug. 🙂
Thank you though, to those who suggested vitamins; I hadn't given that a thought at all.

I’ll suggest the B vitamins to my daughter, HousePlantQueen maybe part of the problem is that he has grown over 6 inches in a year, along with puberty etc.
He doesn’t go out in the evening at all, well certainly not walking the streets but he plays lots of sport in the evenings and is in a Basketball team and Cricket team in Summer, along with Music Lessons and Water skiing.
To posters who have mentioned pupils causing disruption in school and intimidating teachers, I have to point out he is nothing like that at all.
We are talking about not handing homework in on time, being late for school and being generally lazy.
Not some mindless thug, running amok through school, high on smoking Cannabis, as another poster suggested.

B vitamins can help, teenagers are going through lots of physical changes as well as mental. My son could sleep for Britain when he was a teenager, but looking on the positive side, I knew that he was in his bed, not out getting up to mischief. When you endure the teenage years, you understand why some people use boarding schools . Thankfully, he was still polite, and well behaved at school, it was getting him out of bed, onto the school bus, doing his homework which was the challenge, it was like trying to push water uphill.

There are quite a few schools to choose from in our area, and its quite possible to get into one outside the catchment area
One of my grandchildren was absolutely set ion going to a different school from all her friends, because it had long had a very good reputation.
By her second year it was in special measures, the head was out, and literally hundreds of children left, including my granddaughter.
There were apparently absolute no go areas in school, almost daily gang fights, the younger children having awful things done to them and no one doing anything.
The teachers were heavily criticised, but they were having to deal with some really bad situations.
I don’t se how any child can thrive in these conditions.

At that age, some think school has nothing to offer them. They long for the bright lights of adult education, college or work. Never forget your grandson can go back to education in future years if he needs to once he has sorted himself out.

Has he any idea of what he wants to do, rather than what his parents want him to do? That might be worth following up, where does he see himself in 5 years time?

With two grandchildren still in their lovely little village schools, where they are nurtured and cared for, I can’t help but notice the drastic change for my senior school grandchildren

A very good point, Sara1954.
Secondary schools are huge now, with huge numbers of pupils. They are overwhelming, especially to children who have enjoyed their time at small, friendly primary schools.

He told me he was really tired and had had an awful week at school and made his parents unhappy again
That could be part of the problem, his parents telling him he is making them unhappy.

Instead, perhaps they should be chatting to him and asking him why he is unhappy. Instead they are making him feel guilty and adding even more pressure.

Sorry if that sounds blunt but I've heard parents do this occasionally and it can make the situation worse and the child more troubled still.

My grandsons school has just been put into special measures, with the reasons being exactly as described.
A lack of respect from teachers for pupils, and consequently a lack of respect back from the pupils.
Bullying, racist, homophobic comments are rife, with the victims (teachers as well as pupils) saying that nothing is done, so they no longer report it.
The list of problems is endless on the report, and the headmaster disappeared the day after the report came out.

With two grandchildren still in their lovely little village schools, where they are nurtured and cared for, I can’t help but notice the drastic change for my senior school grandchildren.
I don’t know what’s gone wrong, I hesitate to blame teachers, because I couldn’t do their job for ten times their salary, it must at times be completely soul destroying.
But, and I don’t know if this for fear of reprisals, but beyond sending them out of the classroom, they seem unable to discipline them. There doesn’t seem to be any relationship built between teachers and pupils, my grandchildren seem to have no respect or liking for any of them, they in their turn show very little interest in the students.
I also think that parents being emailed every time there is any kind of minor issue, good or bad, is unnecessary, I think unless there is a major situation, school problems should be dealt with in school.
My point really is, children have always been the same, but parents now know their every move.
,

I Whatsapped him at 9.30 and he was already in bed.
He told me he was really tired and had had an awful week at school and made his parents unhappy again.
I told him that the answer was so simple and so easy for him to achieve, by just arriving at school 5 minutes early and doing his homework and then he won’t find the teachers watching him like a hawk.
That he had the choice of making his last 4 months at school enjoyable and happy or carrying on as he is and making his life miserable.
He agreed and told me he was definitely going to do it, so fingers crossed.

DollyD, He became a teenager! You may not have seen the 1990's comedy sketch called "Kevin the Teenager" but it really captures it to perfection. Parents throughout the land related to it in their droves.

Ok, that is worth trying.
He can sleep for days, given a chance.

MissAdventure

My boy doesnt need a tutor.
He needs a "kick up the backsider".
Getting him out of bed is almost impossible, and almost always involves lots of shouting (me) and swearing (me).

It's so wearing.

Put him on a course of vitamins, especially the B vitamins.
It might increase his energy levels.

Teenagers need so much sleep ....

(I'm not joking btw!)