Daughter issues

red1

psycotherapists are not always right! Most go into the psychiatric profession owing to their own problems, who in the right mind would want to listen to what can be horror stories day after day?

People who feel the call to help others go into this profession.

To say most go into it due to their own background is laughable

So...she is supposed to be helping others with their problems, and they have to speak about them so she can help them - but you are supposed to stay silent just in case you hurt her feelings? That's not on. She should show respect. Note that I didn't say "more" respect - because right now she isn't showing any, especially if she is coming into your house to criticise you.

Tell her to grow up. Self absorbed ungrateful child.

Hannah's, I feel your pain, I really do. I think MOnica has hit the nail on the head and at the risk of criticism from some of the more outspoken posters on here I would add my opinion........ Your daughter sounds very difficult and I wonder if there is a touch of Narcissism at play.

M0nica

Good grief, the OP's daughter is training to be a psychotherapist and yet has so little insight into her own behaviour. Does this apply to all psychotherapists?

The OP simply told her daughter about plans she has and gives a simple reason why she has them. Essentially 'Now I am on my own I am not used to it and would like to sometimes have someone in the house ovenight'.

It strikes me as perfectly normal and reasonable statement to make, and I can see no reason for her DD to get so ansy about it. There is absolutely no reason why the OP should need to apologise. As for her daughter, Is there a reason why she is so insecure? As I said it would bother me that someone studying psychotherapy should be so lacking in personal insight.

I've met a few people who have studied psychotherapy and have heard it said that some are there to benefit by applying it to themselves rather than others.

Oh, for heaven’s sake - daughter really got this twisted around! And she’s an art psychotherapy candidate??

She lacks empathy and compassion - many times a sign of narcissism. At age 32 she’s pretty immature.

I’m coming down pretty hard here, * but I say “do not fret.” Let her be, step away from her and take a break!!* Start allowing only the people who understand, support you and that you enjoy being around. If it means she’s out of the picture for a while - so be it. Life is too short.
Daughter needs to grow up.

(If she’s in a relationship, is the partner making her feel insecure? Just asking.)

onedayatatime

Grams2five
You are correct. Airbnb began in California renting out room only. Now, many people are prevented from renting a property, because the whole home has been turned into Airbnb business.

I read somewhere that it was two college students in California who advertised an actual air bed (camping bed you fill with air) and breakfast to a third student to help with their rent. What a great decision they made!

If your daughter has only recently completed her degree she is probably still at the stage of feeling she knows it all and knows your feelings and business better than you. Immature, yes, but a phase that will pass.

Do what you want to do.

If she refers to the matter again, either ignore, or ask why your decision bothers her.

Presumably, she feels that no woman living alone, should let total strangers into her house if indeed that is what you meant by doing AirBand B. I assume if you are intending to run a B&B you have fitted locks to the doors of your private appartments and have a good safe to keep money in.

If what you meant was going away and staying in B&Bs then her objections are far less reasonable.

In either case, do not let her dictate to you how you should plan your life or spend your time.

Miss Mellie yes, totally agree

I think the remarks you made to your daughter were quite clear and I don't see any need at all for her to take things so personally and especially see no reason to ask for an apology. I didn't think there was any hint that you were blaming her for your loneliness as others have suggested. You have every right to your feelings and to express them to others. Seems she is only interested in herself and not you - maybe she should consider an alternative career path as she doesn't appear to be suited to psychotherapy.
I would however be wary of taking strangers into my home on an Airbnb basis. I think you might find they go out themselves on an evening or want peace and quiet to work or relax after a day of work.

Grams2five
You are correct. Airbnb began in California renting out room only. Now, many people are prevented from renting a property, because the whole home has been turned into Airbnb business.

M0nica

Good grief, the OP's daughter is training to be a psychotherapist and yet has so little insight into her own behaviour. Does this apply to all psychotherapists?

The OP simply told her daughter about plans she has and gives a simple reason why she has them. Essentially 'Now I am on my own I am not used to it and would like to sometimes have someone in the house ovenight'.

It strikes me as perfectly normal and reasonable statement to make, and I can see no reason for her DD to get so ansy about it. There is absolutely no reason why the OP should need to apologise. As for her daughter, Is there a reason why she is so insecure? As I said it would bother me that someone studying psychotherapy should be so lacking in personal insight.

No, not all psychotherapists are like this. My 32-year-old daughter is also training as a psychotherapist, in her case for children. She can be very empathetic and is a good listener. If there is a downside to how her training has affected her it is more that she overthinks things, especially her own personal relationships

Mothers and adult daughters is so complex - speaking from vast experience here. We are not able to assume the maternal role we had when they were small and they deflect and blame and judge and it’s incredibly hurtful - know that you own your feelings not hers - easy to say I know and harder to practice !

Well as HannahD hasn’t come back in 4 days to add anything to the conversation I don’t see what use the advice is

We still don’t know if the daughter lives with the mother or just visiting makes a huge difference and no one can really criticise the daughter if it is her home

Sounds like your daughter has a guilty conscience over you …..and is blaming you for it! Tell her she’s behaving badly and if you have any more of it she’ll be on the naughty step!

I think ‘sweat able’ was meant to be ‘answerable’. Sorry. 😊

Before my DH died in Sep 2022 we had put our names down as hosts under Homes for Ukraine and so he knew all about our guests but sadly died before they arrived. I have to say making the decision to still have them (mother and daughter) was the best thing I did… no empty house and both ou DDs have been fully supportive. It is like having a third daughter as Mum is 2 years younger than my youngest.

I’m sorry HannahD, awful experience for you. You do not owe an apology. If you have a big enough space, Airbnb can work well, and you can simply ‘close it off’ online any day you don’t want guests. You can also decline guests if you wish, for any reason and Airbnb do this for you. It’s very hard work with the cleaning and sheets etc, then you need to decide if you want to offer breakfast. You won’t have time to feel lonely, but it’s a huge step. Good luck.

Agree Sasta
Know a few psychotherapist s & they have no clue when dealing with friends & family. It beggars belief

Spot on red1 Carl Jung created the term ‘Wounded healer’ to describe analysts.

M0nica

Good grief, the OP's daughter is training to be a psychotherapist and yet has so little insight into her own behaviour. Does this apply to all psychotherapists?

The OP simply told her daughter about plans she has and gives a simple reason why she has them. Essentially 'Now I am on my own I am not used to it and would like to sometimes have someone in the house ovenight'.

It strikes me as perfectly normal and reasonable statement to make, and I can see no reason for her DD to get so ansy about it. There is absolutely no reason why the OP should need to apologise. As for her daughter, Is there a reason why she is so insecure? As I said it would bother me that someone studying psychotherapy should be so lacking in personal insight.

On the whole M0nika, I’d say it applies to 80/90% of them and I have years and years of experience working with them.

One of my daughters told me I was guilt tripping her when we were having a discussion!

I ran an Airbnb from my old home. I rented an en suite bedroom with shared facilities e.g kitchen area (utility room with kettle, toaster etc) and conservatory. Met some great people and it was nice just knowing someone else was in the house. Some guests I didn’t see much of and others more so.
I’d definitely go for the Airbnb.
Having a loving daughter and son it amazes me that children can treat their parents in such an awful way. Of course some parents deserve it but so many of my friends were wonderful
Patents and their children treat them appallingly. I would give your daughter a good broadside and do what you want to do!

Don't fall into your daughter's trap of overthinking everything as it only brings insecurities and anxiety. She simply doesn't like the inference that your loneliness is somehow in her head, connected to her and is deflecting.

Let it go, don't feel like you have to tread on egg shells, keep busy and using that overused modern cliche, live your best life. Incidentally I don't think Airbnb would address your loneliness as it can be hard work and restrictive on your time waiting for arrivals and changing beds and cleaning.

I feel like Skydancer a lot of the time with my daughter and there's a lot of sense in Monica's post too.