Daughter issues

I would assume your daughter has taken it in such a way that, you are willing to spend time with a stream of strangers due to loneliness and she does not spend enough time with you

"I have no expectations that she will have any role in changing how I feel" shows that you do feel she doesn't spend enough time with you to help with your loneliness

I can't honestly say it wouldn't have felt like a guilt trip to me either

Just ask to make plans, a simple "I would love to spend some time with you soon" would work so much better

She really needs to grow up. She does sound insecure though. Do what you want to do, and do not apologise.
Also don't spend time overnalysing it, life is too short and you need to live every moment of it. Making her sad indeed, I hear that term used alot on Mumsnet only the average age of children saying it is five.

I think it's not ideal to use psychotherapy techniques in family situations. If you need it or she does (not saying you do) it's best to go professional.

I think for now, try and talk about "ordinary" things for a while?

It’s a bit unclear does this daughter live with you? and if so did she know you were planning on changing your living conditions is it also going to change her living conditions or was she just visiting??
I think I d be a bit cautious of you in opening your and maybe her home to strangers just because your a bit bored in the evenings, I m not sure how that’s going to change for you
AirBandBs that I ve stayed in have always been empty of owners unlike a guest house or Bed and breakfast Could she be concerned about your (and her) safety ?
It’s certainly not healthy for her to be psychoanalysing you or telling you how you feel ( which no one knows) but also you don’t need to play into it just joke and say I m not one of your clients

HannahD, I think that anything a mother says does tend to be taken as a critical remark. Of course, you should be free to express your feelings but you could have added that it wasn't her fault - or her problem. I had a difficult relationship with my mother, so was always on red alert, just waiting for the next barbed comment.

Good grief, the OP's daughter is training to be a psychotherapist and yet has so little insight into her own behaviour. Does this apply to all psychotherapists?

The OP simply told her daughter about plans she has and gives a simple reason why she has them. Essentially 'Now I am on my own I am not used to it and would like to sometimes have someone in the house ovenight'.

It strikes me as perfectly normal and reasonable statement to make, and I can see no reason for her DD to get so ansy about it. There is absolutely no reason why the OP should need to apologise. As for her daughter, Is there a reason why she is so insecure? As I said it would bother me that someone studying psychotherapy should be so lacking in personal insight.

A friend of mine is a retired Art Therapist so naturally over the years I’ve learnt a lot about the profession.
I can’t see how your daughter is going to help some very damaged people.

Your D asked you why you were going to run an Air B & B and you answered her question. If she didn't want to know, she shouldn't have asked.

At the age of 32, you are not responsible for her happiness.

I see no need for you to apologise and I wouldn't mention it again. Do what is right for you.

I have two daughters and one of them treats me as Hannah’s daughter treats her. Everything I say, so much so I say very little to her when in her company. I have asked her many times why she is like this to me and the reply is ‘I don’t talk about stuff like that’! She is in her 50s with a fantastic career,great kids and a good partner. I have done anything I could to help all my kids and enjoyed doing so, practically and financially. However her attitude to me is what I can only decide is sneering contempt. I tolerate her because I adore her kids who are so lovely to me, the polar opposite of how she is! I gave up a long time ago expecting any change or even an explanation. She treated her siblings like this years ago but in recent years behaves normally towards them. Just saying I know how it feels when anything you say is never right. It never will be so try and accept that fact. It’s about her, not you HannahD

The only apology I would give is that I am sorry she is upset, but I suspect that would also send her off on one. She is obviously troubled and it could be beneficial to find out exactly what her problem is. You have a right to lead your life as you need. If she thinks you are making a mistake she should give you reasons but she has to understand it’s your decision.

I agree with those saying don’t rush into AirB&B, there must be a million other ways to help combat your loneliness.
Joining clubs, new hobbies, buying a pet?

I’m assuming your daughter doesn’t live at home.

Just chat casually with her, sad you start your post with “yet another row”

Is your daughter an only child?

When my SIL was training to be a psychiatric nurse she was truly revolting!

We were all analysed and judged, she believed in absolute honesty at all times, we once went to her home, after a long drive to get there she announced she would resent the time and energy it would take to make us a drink and sandwich but we could go in the kitchen and help ourselves!

Your daughters feelings are her own. No one can 'make' us feel. It is for her to deal with her feelings. If she hasn't grasped this basic fact she will not be a very good psychoanalyst. You know what is best for you. I hope things work out well for you.

I’d be interested to know if she was living at home too. If so then yes perhaps it would be impacting her living arrangements if not she should back off and basically put mind her own business.
At both your ages you are both getting along with your lives and should not have to be gaining permission to do things. It would be nice to have a little support rather than negativity and perhaps you need to spend a little less time allowing her to try to control as this could escalate in my view.
Perhaps you will need to be gentle, however you must stand firm.

I believe some people truly believe they are something special if they have a qualification like the OP’s daughter. It doesn’t mean they are anything special. It just means they are academically able to pass exams.

I used to work with a woman whose husband was a Family Counsellor and worked for Social Services and NHS. They had one child and quite an unhappy marriage and she used to say she had no idea how he could help or advise families as he couldn’t even sort his own small family out!🤣

Sago

When my SIL was training to be a psychiatric nurse she was truly revolting!

We were all analysed and judged, she believed in absolute honesty at all times, we once went to her home, after a long drive to get there she announced she would resent the time and energy it would take to make us a drink and sandwich but we could go in the kitchen and help ourselves!

Oh dear Sago, that's so nasty! I hope you told her that you would resent the time or energy to bother visiting again!

I wonder if she's have appreciated an absolutely honest response Sago?

She can dole it out but can’t take it!
She has mellowed with age but let’s say in 40+ years of being married to her brother I have never telephoned her, we see her once a year and that’s fine.

An AirB&B is not going to make you less lonely, guests rarely want to spend time with a the host, I wouldn’t stay at one where the host was always hovering around.

Your daughter feel bad because she doesn’t want you to feel lonely but equally does not want to spend evenings with you and now she knows will feel angry with you for telling her, no one likes knowing a family member is unhappy.

I never tell my relatives I am unhappy or unwell, why worry them when it is not their responsibility to fix things.

Living alone, I, along with many others, are lonely but wouldn’t want to share my home with anyone else. As others have said Air B n B ers normally expect sole occupancy not a shared one. Think how much work it would make preparing and cleaning etc, never mind the sharing.
I presume your daughter felt you were blaming her for your loneliness.
I wish I saw more of my daughter but she’s a busy, professional with a young family so am grateful for being included as and when. I do the school run once a week, feed and occupy then return my grandchildren and quite often do not even see their parents, even at drop off.

You say your daughter has already trained as an art therapist,so is she working in that field now? Iwouldfind it very unprofessional of her to be trying to analyse you if she is, and you could point that out.. A friend of mine went through similar behaiour when her daughter was training.. it all calmed down eventually but some pretty nasty things were said..
with regard to the Airbnb if you need the moneythat sounds like a good idea, loads of themhave the owners in situ.. however ifyou are expecting to spend timewith your guests I doubt whether that would be reciprocated. But you could try having a lodger or house share.. though you might find yourself stuck with someone you didn't really get on with.. I think an organisation such as Meetup would give the opportunity of doing activities you enjoy with like minded people..

Daughter asked a question and got an
Answer. If it felt like a guilt trip to her she should perhaps analyze that - you didn’t bring it up on your own she asked. Did she prefer you lied ?

As an aside it seems people don’t realize that air bnb can be people wanting use of a whole home
Alone but they also have air Bnb rooms - my grandaughter and her boyfriend have traveled extensively renting rooms this way while others still live in the home. More like a modern bed and breakfast it seems and they’ve met some very lovely people.

psycotherapists are not always right! Most go into the psychiatric profession owing to their own problems, who in the right mind would want to listen to what can be horror stories day after day?