Where did 'please' and 'thank you' go?

Not just the kids Mine always did but not so my husband never a please nor a thank you unless sarcastically

Should have seen the red flags

Gave gen pounds each to my four youngest g.children (still at school), for easter. As usual the two daughters (11yrs and 14 yrs) of my Educational Psychologist daughter, never acknowledged this gift. They never do, even if given something in person. Not their fault, obviously have never been taught to do so.
Yes, I do resent this. Will not leave the out of anything I give as a norm,. But when it comes to extras I am afraid they do not come very high up.

Lovely story put out by an American stand up comediene which really struck a strong a chord with me.

^Grandma has eight g.children. As each graduation, she gives them a hundred dollars, and appreciates them saying Thank You. However one actually sent a letter to her expressing their gratitude. Grandma is delighted with this letter keeps it and shows it off to her friends. A few months slater this granddaughter. telephones Grandma, thanking her again for that hundred dollars and saying she has just spent the last of it in a charity shop getting together an outfit for her graduation, not perfect, but it will do. Grandma, immediately sends her a further fifty do
to get a better outfit.^

Please and thank you gp a long way my mother told me. Yes it is true. Nowadays it is an official secrets language co67

mancgirl

Here in Spain, they know you are British because (amongst other things!) we always say por favor and gracias when asking for something. The Spain, apparently don't!

We were buying tickets for a brewery visit in Amsterdam, and the young assistant told us she loves us British, with all our pleases and thank yous - ours were apparently the first she’d heard that morning. I did think that she’d perhaps just been lucky with the British people she’d met!

My children are British, Scottish, and now 35 and 32 and have aleays said please,thank you,excuse me, and held doors open for people. As do their children. Just good manners! My parents were sticklers for it. Mum and dad said 'Good manners cost nothing.' Not all Brits are the same!

Agree

My then 3year old Dgs was at his preschool Christmas party & the children were being entertained by a magician.He went round asking the children what's the magic word & got the reply "abracadabra", until he got to my grandson who answered "please" to lots of laughter from parents & staff.

Here in Spain, they know you are British because (amongst other things!) we always say por favor and gracias when asking for something. The Spain, apparently don't!

If my two grandkids ever forgot their ‘please’ or ‘thank you ‘s…they’d soon get reminded by either of their parents or me .
They are 12 and ‘soon-to-be’17.
The very thought !!!!

Freecycle not Precycle!

I'm on granny duties this week and though I've had to remind my DGS to say thank you when I've given him things he certainly knows at 3 years old. My 11 month old DGD sometime says 'Ta' when passed something but she has plenty of time to learn. I too use Preecycle and am always as polite as possible if requesting something. If I'm giving things away I go by politeness if more than one person requests something. Some posters say that only polite requests will be considered.

I would also add that their parents are very hot on "Please" and "Thank you" as well, they didn't just leave it up to others to teach their children basic good manners...

Well I'm glad to say (and I know this sounds very smug) that both my older grandchildren (aged 11 and 8) were taught at nursery to respond with please and thank you in Makatan sign language before they could even speak! I still know the signing as they used it when I looked after them two days a week from 11 months old. Please and thank you are part of taheir vocabulary even now, and if they are ever distracted and forget, I just pause a bit before giving them whatever it is I'm giving them and they quickly remember their manners

My youngest GD, who is just 14 months, has begun to form her first words and one of them is "Ta" when she is given something, even individual bricks to form a tower while playing. I know some people will react with horror that she is using "slang" instead of the proper words, but it's a start!

However, I do notice the lack of simple manners when out and about. It's very sad...

manners do change or drift over time, i guess.
there is a discussion on MN about brushing of hair at one's desk in the office.
also in shared space in a flatshare.
the overwhelming consensus is that it's ok.

It’s not just adults, kids are doing bad manners too now. I’m noticing that more and more.

I have nieces in Brooklyn (a preteen and teenager) who are eager to receive their gifts but I wait forever for a simple thank you. Sometimes I notify their mom… she gets after them, then I receive sweet greetings.

It’s like pulling teeth. Hah! It does start at home - if the parent makes that a part of their required rearing.

These days kids are SO distracted, they may know better, but their young life is already overwhelming. I try to cut them a little slack.

Biglouis your bookshop story reminded me of another pet hate of mine. I was always taught as a child that to pass between another customer and the shelf they were looking at, was rude, and if you must, to say excuse me politely first. Obviously that doesn’t bother others these days, as I’m often scrutinizing a bookshelf for a particular author when another customer steps in front of my line of vision without a word!!

I love the idea of freecycle, but loathe actually using it, purely due to so many ungrateful and selfish people who either just grab it and go without a simple thank you, or those people, like others have mentioned who ask me to ensure I keep it by until they get there, then I never hear from them again.
One woman wanted an almost brand new single bed which had another pull out bed underneath. She knocked on my door, said 'I'm collecting the bed', then not another word, whilst I helped her carry it to her van and get it in, then she just climbed in and drove off without a backward glance!! I always hope the things will go to someone who really needs the item and/or has decent manners.
One chap asked me to keep something and turn others away, until he could get to me at 4pm next day. He didn't turn up. When I messaged him, he just said 'I was asleep. I'll get it tomorrow'. I told him he wouldn't as he was so rude, and he gave me a torrent of abuse!
Another time someone wanted something, and when I said 'what time would you like to come' he answered 'You can bring it to me, I don't want to pay for petrol to get there'!!! Luckily, I don't drive so said I was unable to deliver (not that I would've anyway!), turned out he lived about 40 miles away!!!

Same with ours.

Some years ago I was obliged to use the ticket office on the Tube. I said " Please may I have a single ticket to..." There was a pause and the employee replied " I have worked here for x years and that's the first time anyone has said please ..."
I thought that very sad. Maybe it's just certain places- here most people use please and thank you regularly. The driver of the local bus is invariably thanked as the traveller alights.

Parky

My son has been living in USA (chicago) for 25 years and never says please or thank you. When I queried this he said Americans think it's servile and demeaning.

It does annoy me when I offer him a drink and he says "I'll take a coffee". But at least he comes to see us for which I'm grateful

I would just answer him "fine go and take it yourself."

..

Well done the youngsters
Obviously better educated than their Dad and must have a great Mum too.

I would always say to my sons when they were little - "What's the magic word?". They still know it now (at 30+)!

BlueBelle

I find on fb most people do say please and thank you it’s the ones that don’t turn up that irritate me and the prize one is
‘Is this still available’ and you say ‘yes it is’ and then you never hear another word 🤣

I believe they are the scammers who take great delight in doing this, I have it constantly, and always reply when would you like to collect. Silence follows

My son has been living in USA (chicago) for 25 years and never says please or thank you. When I queried this he said Americans think it's servile and demeaning.

It does annoy me when I offer him a drink and he says "I'll take a coffee". But at least he comes to see us for which I'm grateful

Tizliz

I was forced to go to Asda on Sunday as Tesco here have removed wholemeal bread flour from their deliveries (they can’t explain why). The checkout assistant did not even look at me, I said hello and thank you, she just stared into space. I know it can be a soul destroying job but a bit of interaction would make the time go quicker as well as being polite to speak back when spoken to. Perhaps it is a tactic to encourage you to use the self checkout!

Now that was rude of her. The assistant's behaviour was far ruder than that of someone failing to parrot please or thank you in a conversation/ exchange where tone of voice alone is conveying exactly the same sentiment and in a more sincere way.

In case anyone is wondering, I do still regularly use please and thank you, but as long as the other person's demeanor/tone of voice are appropriate, I couldn't care less - and probably wouldn't even notice - whether they used those actual words or not.

Agreed, springishere. Out local giveaway site has had to introduce a rule that anyone not turning up will be suspended for a month. For too long it was the same few people who grabbed everything then didn't come and get it. I got rid of a lot of things a year or so ago, and it was infuriating when someone said they wanted a large item, arranged a time and then didn't arrive to collect it.

At one point I had two wing chairs, a sideboard and a wine rack in the hallway, all awaiting collection, and carefully arranged so that the first person would take the item nearest the door, to clear space for the next one and so on. Two of the three didn't turn up, and the third was late. It's a standard hallway, not Downton Abbey, so we were climbing over the stuff to get from A to B until it all went.

If your car isn't big enough to fit a sideboard in the back, don't say you'll take it (I posted the measurements), or arrange for a friend to help you before you agree to have it. I absolutely accept that giving things away is a two-way street, as disposing of large items can be difficult, but I think people often forget that they are dealing with someone's home, which is unlikely to have space to store old furniture when the new things have arrived.

I think everyone said thanks when they collected (one gave me a bar of chocolate ) but neither of the no-shows bothered to let me know, let alone apologise.