Where to be interred ? Burial Decisions

Germanshepherdsmum

The OP is strangely silent about the terms. I have already suggested that what is owned is exclusive burial rights for x years, which is similar to a lease but not ownership of the plot.

Germanshepherdsmum
I was not ‘ strangely silent ‘ though I was unaware of the terms due to it being passed to me directly . Which happened by way of transfer of names but has to be in living will . So until that time it remains mine .
It is leased ( I’m not sure if that is the correct terminology as I know you to be a bit of a wordsmith ) for 100 years of which our family have owned it for just over 70years & 43 of these by myself previously by my GGP & GP .

BlueBelle
I have checked this & it is 100 years . This can be extended apparently but not until the end of that period , which will be around another 26years or so .

The OP is strangely silent about the terms. I have already suggested that what is owned is exclusive burial rights for x years, which is similar to a lease but not ownership of the plot.

Each local authority or private owner of the land has its own rules about the length of entitlement to a burial plot. You say it is not a lease, so do you own the land? If so it is your right to be buried there, nobody else’s. . If you don’t own the land, who does and what does your agreement say?
Leaving it to someone in your will, if it is full by your burial, surely means leaving a sum of money for upkeep?
Some local authority rules I have looked at allow the LA to ask the holders of the grant for permission to use the plot for another burial if it hasn’t been touched for x years.
What are the terms of your agreement? From what you have said I can’t see how anyone else can be buried in that plot unless you agree. Why would you own it if you don’t think it is your right? Not sure I understand the problem.

I’ve lived long enough to know that no one really goes to visit your gravesite on a regular basis, if at all. They do in the beginning, then it’s buh-bye.

Unless you are royalty I don’t know how or why there should be a verbal riot on who or where one should be laid. You’re close to finalizing that family plot. Then, what about everyone else??

The good part about big family plots - the family history.

Believe me, in the big scheme of things, no one else may care about it when their time comes, years down the road. Just do what you want.

I’m all about cremation and my family knows that. Go scatter me to the wind! Maybe in Hawaii in the channel between Maui and Molokai, where the beautiful whales go to calve. There’s money there for you to do that.

First of all are you sure you own the plot . This sounds a silly question but I have the document my far away relative got when he bought a plot in the 1700s . I made enquiries at the local authority and was told that no matter who holds the deeds the plot has to pass down the family . We would have to go back to the original owner and follow the family down to see who really owns the plot. The poor chap who bought the plot died in the poorhouse so little chance of him making a will . I was not really bothered about claiming a space but ironically my father owned two plots in another town and I was told I could claim the last places in the lairs. As my dad was not a loving father I would not like to be buried with him.

If you inherited the plot, then surely siblings have no say in what happens with the remaining space. Will whoever you leave the plot to once you've gone then be responsible for maintenance/repair costs? Will they have funds for such disasters eg collapse of plot. Just thinking of all the wet weather with climate change.

Why don’t you plan and pay for your funeral now.,,that way you get exactly what you want and no one has to do anything.

My grandparents had three daughters. The eldest died in her early thirties and her husband bought a plot for her (and intended it to be for himself when his time came). However, he remarried and changed his mind about his own burial. Thus, when his late wife's sister also died in her thirties he passed the grave deeds to his brother in law and her body was also added to the plot.

My grandfather died next but for some reason he wasn't buried there. Grandma died next and the b-i-l agreed to her being buried in the plot, My parents paid for the headstone to be amended to add her some years later. Unbeknown to me, the b-i-l passed the deeds to my parents but my dad wanted his ashes to be scattered elsewhere and anyway he felt that the burial plot belonged to my mum's family and not his.

When mum died I found the grave papers in a box in her house. I contacted the local authority and they confirmed that I was entitled to have my mother added to the plot as I was not only a beneficiary of my mother's estate but was the person holding the grave papers. It did not seem to matter that the grave had originally been purchased by my mum's b-i-l who had not formally willed the papers to anyone (simply handed them over).

I decided to have mum's ashes added to the grave and the headstone altered again to add her name and the caption "mother and daughters together again". The local council were quite happy with that. They told me that there was still room for further ashes.

So it seems that possession of the grave documents was/is the key factor.

Just wondering … why do you believe the last place is yours? Don’t the rest of your siblings (sounds like you have loads) have a say? If not, then surely there’d be no argument.

I should think the best person to advise you about ownership of the plot is the manager of the cemetery it is in..

But frankly, I don¨t understand what it is that concerns you. You say there is room for one more interment, in other words yours. So if the person you have in mind takes on the ownership, obviously he or she cannot be buried there - but do you know that they would want to?

Discuss the matter, find out if the person will accept responsiblity or not and go on from there.

Check that there is still room under the most recent regulations

Do you actually have the paperwork NanaTuesday? I would suggest that what you have is the exclusive burial rights for x years.

Esmay

If this is your wish then , it must be respected and observed .
Don't be intimidated and bullied by a "verbal riot ."
Make your funeral plans and have them in place .
Meanwhile :
enjoy life !

Thank you , that is a good plan indeed
Live my life 👌

Germanshepherdsmum

I believe that when you buy a burial plot you usually buy a lease of it for a given period rather than the freehold. Rent is not normally charged. Are you certain you own the freehold of the plot? If it’s a lease that you own, how long does it have to run?

Not a lease 👌

NotSpaghetti

NanaTuesday - is there any chance that you could (as a family) invest in a second plot in the same cemetery?
Thar might solve the squabbling?

Not a chance in hell 😂😻

NanaTuesday - is there any chance that you could (as a family) invest in a second plot in the same cemetery?
Thar might solve the squabbling?

Oops! Not sure how I did an over long quote! Oh well....

NanaTuesday

Jaxjacky

If there’s only room for one burial and you want yours there, isn’t that a bit of a moot point? Or have I misunderstood, if so, apologies.
If it’s ownership of the ‘full’ plot, what does that entail? Thanks.

It means owning the plot …..just as it says on the tin .
But if you own a plot you have to leave it in a living will otherwise no one else can be buried there .
Which , as you so succinctly wrote it’s a “ moot point”

But .. of course , if another family member were to pass & wanted to be interred there before my own demise ,what do I do say “ No ,it’s my spot “ !!

if another family member were to pass & wanted to be interred there before my own demise ,what do I do say No ,it’s my spot

If you want to be buried or have your ashes buried there, then Yes, that answer would seem to be a good idea.

Apparently there's a space for one more coffin burial where my parents are both buried. My youngest brother has "bagged it" for himself. This is fine by the rest (four) of us because none of the rest of give a toss what happens to any of our remains.

Germanshepherdsmum

If you own the plot you get to say that nobody else is buried there but you. What’s the problem?

Forgive the pun GSM but therein lies the problem , I think 🤔

By saying this it will be me “ dictating “ to my siblings , many of whom will have issue with this very loudly .
I think it will resolve it self actually , thinking about it , the natural order of things will be whoever needs the space first . So on a first come basis , I think I will pass that on to every one . Which I am again sure will raise comments .
My own issue was , do I want to be in a place that my DC etc will not easily have access to but that in itself isn’t really an issue as where ever I lay my hat , they will always be in different counties .
Only difference is they all know this London Cemetery & it holds fond memories of our trips,picnics (;yes in the cemetery ❤️)
So , you asked earlier “ what’s the problem “ It was a quandary of epic proportions for me as I have siblings who will argue the toss whatever I say . If you know that some of them have issue with most things especially if I am involved.

I believe that when you buy a burial plot you usually buy a lease of it for a given period rather than the freehold. Rent is not normally charged. Are you certain you own the freehold of the plot? If it’s a lease that you own, how long does it have to run?

If this is your wish then , it must be respected and observed .
Don't be intimidated and bullied by a "verbal riot ."
Make your funeral plans and have them in place .
Meanwhile :
enjoy life !

I believe I still own ours! I haven't heard of the 25 year thing either.

livelylady

Our double family plot shows on the bill of purchase that my GF was buried in 1928. GM followed in 1985. DF and DM died in 2008 with their ashes placed in the other half of plot. Still some space left for me and OH! I've never heard any word of a 25 year limit.

Livelylady, I have never heard of that either & our plot is an extremely well kept one .

Our double family plot shows on the bill of purchase that my GF was buried in 1928. GM followed in 1985. DF and DM died in 2008 with their ashes placed in the other half of plot. Still some space left for me and OH! I've never heard any word of a 25 year limit.