Suspected autism in 12 year old granddaughter.

Jaxjacky

Just came back to see if Trisher has responded, disappointing when posters don’t return.

Not a word.

Strange, that 🤔

Just came back to see if Trisher has responded, disappointing when posters don’t return.

Granmarderby10. Actually I can remember being two! My mother had twins 15 months after I was born and I can clearly remember going to their christening for example. It was a very strict household we lived in. Strictly no nonsense. I was very lucky to have lovely grandparents to escape to.

Many people with autism follow rules absolutely. I can well remember when the law regarding booster seats came into being. My g.son (autistic), big for his age refused to go into the car until his parents provided a booster seat (which he did not actually need).
Not accepting that rules apply to you is much more a sign of stroppy teenage than an actual neurodiverse problem.
How strong is discipline in her own, 12.- 14 year olds are so often in the business of 'pushing' the boundaries as hard as possible. Usually they really want those boundaries to stand firm and the adults to be in charge - but so many parents seem to think that setting and keeping such boundaries is not permitted these days. It is!!!!

Aveline, can you actually remember being about 2?

I definitely would not’ve dreamed of walking out at school or of displaying any of the other nonsense teachers have to put up with nowdays.

There are three autistic children in our family all of whom are at different points on the scale.

The behaviour being described by the OP doesn’t remind me of any the autistic behaviour I’ve seen from any of them.

Aveline

I never had a tantrum like the one shown. I'd not have dared! As for walking out of school - simply unimaginable.

I did, apparently it was legendary.
However, it was just the once, in a bakers shop because my mother said I couldn't have the cream cake I wanted.

Aveline

This is indubitably frivolous and inappropriate but when I saw it today it brought this thread to mind.

What your picture brought to my mind was memories of my young friends son at that age. He’s been in a school for Autistic children for 5 years. He will never be able to live independently.

I never had a tantrum like the one shown. I'd not have dared! As for walking out of school - simply unimaginable.

Aveline

This is indubitably frivolous and inappropriate but when I saw it today it brought this thread to mind.

🤣🤣🤣

The red-faced, screaming, thrashing starfish toddler, arms and legs going in all directions!
Worse is the breath-holder!

This is indubitably frivolous and inappropriate but when I saw it today it brought this thread to mind.

Callistemon21

^My 12 year old granddaughter has always been a bit of a problem, although lovely with it smile, she was been suspended from her last school because of her defiant behaviour, ie why should SHE follow the rules like everyone else has t^

She can only be Y7 or possibly Y8, a time of changes, adjustment and hormonal changes too.
I'm surprised her previous school couldn't work with her, her parents and the school counsellor to find a way forward for them all.

I guess they might have tried or she just might have too disruptive to other students, who do have a right to an education without being constantly disrupted.

I do hope she gets whatever help she needs and this might be a bit of a wake up call for her.

My own youngest daughter was a complete nightmare at secondary school all the way through! I worked as closely with the school and supported them whenever possible, it turned out years later that she does have a serious mental health issue, but now, at 23, she accepts that even with “issues”, school (and indeed work and society) have certain rules and there’s consequences for not adhering to them.

My 12 year old granddaughter has always been a bit of a problem, although lovely with it smile, she was been suspended from her last school because of her defiant behaviour, ie why should SHE follow the rules like everyone else has t

She can only be Y7 or possibly Y8, a time of changes, adjustment and hormonal changes too.
I'm surprised her previous school couldn't work with her, her parents and the school counsellor to find a way forward for them all.

eazybee

Teachers see children in the context of all the other children, and although they do recognise problems they are often contained by the boundaries which schools are able to set. Secondary school is much tougher but the rules are there for a reason and home must support them. Sometimes, I am sorry to say, parents give up too easily and expect a diagnosis will solve the problem , which it won't; it may identify it, Strategies will be given but they have to be followed by home and school and it is not easy.

Whether she has a “condition” or “syndrome” at all (and I hope she doesn’t and this is something else), the point remains that she will still be expected to follow the rules of whichever school she attends.

Reasonable adjustments doesn’t equal “getting your own way”. It’s a tough lesson to learn whatever may or may not be wrong with her. Sadly sometimes behavioural issues are down to misguided, but loving, parenting.

petra

^doesnt sound like autism to me^
Autism is an umbrella word. If you’ve met one child/ person with Autism, you’ve met one child with Autism.
That’s why it’s called Autism spectrum disorder.

True, but I agree with others that this doesn't necessarily suggest autism.

PS. I'm no child psychologist, but I have taught and privately tutored a number of children with autism of various kinds.

A professional assessment and action plan is needed.

I think the parents need a thorough discussion with the school and with your GD present for some of that discussion.
The blazer sounds like a good excuse which is masking something else.
I'd suggest that if she is having problems with coping with the school in some way she is offered inside the school a safe quiet place where she can spend time cooling off.
I'd want her assessed for a learning difficulty and for ADHD.The parents can ask the school to begin proceedings for that, but should also go to their GP. Either way it will take a long time and if they can afford a private assessment it would be worth doing so.
She is 12 now, if her behaviour has always been difficult she is reaching the age when she should be able to discuss what is wrong and why she acts as she does. Then try to find a way that will enable her to cope and stay in education.

Good luck and remember schools are sometimes not the easiest places for childen to be.

Her Head, not ahead! Sorry

We didn’t manage to get a diagnosis for my daughter until she was at Uni doing the modules from her teaching course on ADHD and Austism.

She was always unusually quiet and compliant and had terrible social social anxiety from Secondary school onwards. She has subsequently said she always felt different and “odd” and unable to show or feel empathy and for her it was relief to know she wasn’t mad, her words, she now can ask her ahead at school for any sensible reasonable adjustment and her GP has a copy of her assessment.

Sago

I have worked with Autistic children and had training to recognise the behaviours.
This behaviour does not point towards Autism.
Everyone now seems to want to be able to label their child,children and young people are sometimes just badly behaved.

This!

Are you sure that this is autism ?
To me : your description sounds like a normal stroppy teenager trying to assert herself by being rebellious .
I wonder if she isn't attention seeking .

Autism is more obvious from age three or four .
One of my relatives demonstrates it :
She lives in a world of her own , can't stand any change to her routine , loud noises /crowds of people frighten her , occasionally she becomes extremely stressed and she spends hours spinning .
There are many different variations -only an expert assessment can verify autism .

Aveline

Doesn't sound like autism to me at all. I wondered if it was a reaction to having to fit in with rules and boundaries after home schooling during COVID? The bottom line is that rules and boundaries exist for a reason and real life is full of them.
Puberty coinciding with the late realisation that you can't always do what you want is a difficult combination.

I think a lot of children that age are struggling but in different way and Covid lockdowns are a huge factor in that.

Some are suffering social anxiety, others are finding it difficult to conform to the rules and regulations and they find that friendship groups fluctuated during that time too.

It's always a difficult age, particularly if they move from a small, friendly primary school to a huge and rather impersonal secondary school.

She needs some help and understanding from family and the school.

Teachers see children in the context of all the other children, and although they do recognise problems they are often contained by the boundaries which schools are able to set. Secondary school is much tougher but the rules are there for a reason and home must support them. Sometimes, I am sorry to say, parents give up too easily and expect a diagnosis will solve the problem , which it won't; it may identify it, Strategies will be given but they have to be followed by home and school and it is not easy.

doesnt sound like autism to me
Autism is an umbrella word. If you’ve met one child/ person with Autism, you’ve met one child with Autism.
That’s why it’s called Autism spectrum disorder.

Curtaintwitcher

Too many children these days are treated like endangered species. They actually NEED rules and boundaries. Parents who indulge their offspring are not doing them any favours at all.

I'm sure my own daughter is autistic. At the age of three, she was given tests but they were inconclusive. When there is a genuine problem, it shows at an early age, it isn't something which comes on later in life.

But the OP said in her first post that her dgd 'has always been a bit of a problem', so this isn't something that has suddenly come on in later life.

She is at the age now where 'a bit of a problem', whatever the reason, often turns into a much bigger problem.
If she does have ODD or something similar, or a combination of things, a proper diagnosis would be hugely helpful in deciding how best to manage this.

I have seen this in a grandchild. Something was obvious to those of us closest to the child from a very young age, but teachers in primary school didnt see it (though it was noticed in Scouts). It soon showed up in secondary school though.

Encourage the parents to push for an assessment / diagnosis, Trisher123.

Doesn't sound like autism to me at all. I wondered if it was a reaction to having to fit in with rules and boundaries after home schooling during COVID? The bottom line is that rules and boundaries exist for a reason and real life is full of them.
Puberty coinciding with the late realisation that you can't always do what you want is a difficult combination.