Retiring as a solo female

I retired 20 years ago and loved having the time to follow my interests, meet friends, etc. However, from having a good social life I am now down to 1 friend who I see weekly but spend the rest of the time alone. I am slowly losing my sight and hearing, can no longer drive which makes life difficult as there are no buses within my limited walking distance and, to be honest, I am unwell and lonely. How things change.

I retired at 59 due to 2 health problems. One is now cured but the other is ongoing. Really enjoyed not working and spent time decluttering, visiting friends and family and going away in our caravan. When OH retired we moved to the seaside where I'm busy with hobbies. Our family often stay for weekends. Also, we travel back to see family at least once a month and have 2 dogs for company here. Nice friendly neighbours to chat to so never feel alone.

How about cancelling retirement?
Just continue working with opportunities to cut back hours. There is so much wasted talent not being made full use of and many of us who would like to continue, in order NOT to feel worthless etc. And what about pension money? Many of my friends are extremely wealthy and are receiving enough money from the state between them, to put right the NHS, schools etc overnight and they wouldn’t even notice if they didn’t have it! I personally feel it’s insulting to have freebies handed out, unless really needed, just because we are ‘old’.

Enjoy ! And to do that I found I needed some structure and real things to do and engage with, and to get me to mix with other people. U3A has helped me do those things, along with various projects. Good luck to the OP - I hope you find a rewarding life in your retirement - with enough resilience to manage the things you find a challenge and openness to good things which come along.

Enjoy grandmabatty!

Interesting to read everyones story. I'm still running a small business because I didn't see the point of stopping but I'm starting to yearn for a freedom from it so interesting to know how others have got on.

Charley 68 and Sabrina. I was a qualified nurse too and left the profession at the age of 54 to sail round the world for 5 years onboard a luxury cruise ship. I was their Training & Development manager training the officers and crew. I tried to re-enter nursing on a Return to Nursing course when I came back to the UK, but they make it nigh on impossible unless you have a partner to support you whilst you study and work but earn nothing for 6 months. They were happy for me to give them 500 hours of my time whilst I also worked full time to pay my bills, then told me I’d have to quit my job and study full time before they’d pass me. I was just too exhausted to do more! I thank my lucky stars when it came to the pandemic that I was out of the firing line even though I’d been diagnosed with breast cancer. I did enjoy not having to prove to DWP that was spending 30 hours a week looking for a job. No more interviews for jobs that paid peanuts. No more rejections - bliss! I didn’t realise until I reached state pension age at 66 that I could have been drawing in my nursing pension from the age of 55! I had 11 years of back pay suddenly appearing in my bank account - I felt like I’d won the lottery!

I was so relieved to retire since I could no longer cope with the commute anymore. However, I never had a period where I was grieving or mourning the loss of my career.

In your case, you were going through 2 major losses at the same time; the loss of your good health since you were diagnosed with breast cancer and the loss of your career due to retirement on ill health. That must be very hard especially if you are on your own.

At first, I was worried that I would feel isolated since the only friends I have are my former colleagues. However, I managed to make new friends through the Zumba Gold exercise classes whom I meet up regularly for coffee in addition to meeting my former colleagues.

Found the lack of structure or routine challenging. Nowadays all my appointments are booked in late mornings or afternoons and not early mornings.

So far, managed to avoid watching daytime tv by keeping myself busy with learning Arabic, reading books, tried new recipes etc.,

One day I thought I would visit my former place of work and my former colleagues. However, half way to Manchester, I had a headache the like of which I hadn't had since I retired. Message received. I turned round and drove home and have rarely had a headache in the 20+ years since then. I became a CAB adviser which lasted for 11 years. I joined U3A and formed a writing group I'd been a NWR member for many years. Good friends made my retirement happy and easy.

I was a bit nervous about missing the daily structure of work and chats with colleagues. In fact, I found it was a great relief to retire. For the first week of retirement I slept a lot as I was exhausted. Then I woke up one morning and realised I felt a great weight lifted from my mind. I never had to be exhausted and stressed by a job again. It was a strange but very strong feeling.
I have never felt lonely or bored. I used to be bored as well as stressed at work.

I retired at 60; I was exhausted after 38 years of work I was a qualified nurse, and worked full time other than 2 maternity leave breaks. I did not realise that the state pension for my age group had been changed yet again the year before I retired. My work pension was sufficient until I reached 66.
I did miss work! But I was so glad to rest, have a lie in every day if I wished. I could not have worked another 6 years.
I started sewing, got involved in my garden, and finally started to enjoy life.

Retirement was forced on me when the first lockdown happened. I worked part-time on a ward in an NHS hospital and because I was over 70 I was told, along with others in the same boat, that we could not return to work until the virus had gone. When the 2nd lockdown was predicted for late 2020 I was contacted by the hospital and told they would no longer employ over 70's to work in a high risk environment. It took me a long time to come to terms with that. I have joined lots of groups and societies and spend a lot of my time looking after grandchildren. Left to me I would still be working but I count my blessings that I have a lovely family, good friends, neighbours and ex-work colleagues who I meet up with regularly. Compared to so many others I am very fortunate and give thanks for that.

I still miss my work colleagues ( well, some of them) and because I was a receptionist the chats I used to have with people when I was booking them in.

Good for you leapyearnan!

Leapyearnan- thankyou. I'm not retired a year yet so I think you have to have to take time to adjust.

I am sure as this is mu first full summer being retired (whenever it starts lol!) I will start to get out and enjoy.

This weekend I'm off to the seaside with family so I'm sure just getting out in the fresh air will do me good and give me time to think.

The most important thing is I still have my health and that matters above all.

Nannarose that’s a good tip thank you!

Grandmabatty Thank you. Sounds like you’ve set yourself up well. I’ve been reading that it can take 2 years or more to feel comfortable. I suppose another way of looking at it is that if you’re mourning the loss of your career, as I was, you have to go through a period of mourning to come out better on the other side. I've been researching this for my blog and also found looking at different personality types makes you realise why some people take to retirement better than others. I’d lived on my own for years, and loved it, but for me the loss of my career and the companionship of colleagues was tough. You also assume you’re the only one who feels bad. Now I’m keeping myself busy with my blog and courses, etc., I find I don’t feel lonely any more. What’s also apparent is that society in general believes that being a social butterfly is the norm and anything less is lacking. I much prefer the company of my gorgeous little Cavapoo to moody, fickle humans! 😁

Leapyearnan I have been retired (early) for coming on six years. I have lived alone for a long time so that part didn't bother me. Like others, I realised how resilient I was during the lockdown. I know I can be content with my own company. I gave myself projects to do, such as moving house, then organising improvements in the house and the garden. This helped me morph from work to retirement and a slightly slower pace of life. I do look after my dgc two days a week. I learn Spanish and I took up art and attend classes. Often I will arrange to meet friends for breakfast/coffee/lunch. I try to be proactive in that, so I'm not always waiting for the phone to ring. I'm sure I could be much more active, but I worked really hard for years, so I enjoy the freedom. I hope you find happiness and contentment in retirement.

I retired 12 years ago and don't miss work at all. I meet up with colleagues I had a few times a year.
I always have an early walk. I meet people I've got to know through walking and have a chat. It starts the morning off well. I can recommend a walk if you are able.
I have plenty of hobbies and take myself off on the bus or in the car to different places, have a coffee and a browse. I really enjoy doing that.
I think the main thing is to keep occupied with things you enjoy. I am rarely lonely but I know it's an uncomfortable feeling but like sadness and happiness it does pass.

It’s probably, overall, easier to be a couple than solo, but believe me I often yearn for true peace and quiet and being a retired couple does bring its challenges.

I was single for decades too, only meeting and marrying in my 30’s so was very used to do things alone.

I have little to contribute, other than a suggestion that helps some of my friends caught in the 'benefit trap'. If you volunteer at things like Country Parks, theatres, concert venues etc. you are normally rewarded with free tickets / free entry. Sometimes you get a drink or lunch thrown in.

Retired Jan 24 and still very much adjusting ...enjoy not being accountable to anyone or anything if you're in good health that's a blessing ...

leapyearnan I hope you learn to adjust, you deserve it after working so hard and giving your DDs such a brilliant start in life. I'm feeling content with my lot at the moment but know that could change, so I try find something good in every day. I used to worry if my diary for the coming weeks looked bare, but usually things crop up, and if they don't I make sure I do something enjoyable on my own. During the winter I had little project of visiting local museums and galleries. I love an afternoon at the cinema by myself, seeing a film I know no one else would want to see. Or I'll contact people if I need company (and not take it personally if they're not free!).

I'm sure retiring as a couple has its challenges, but I think it's much harder when you're on your own. You can spend days without seeing other people, so it often takes effort to have some company. Learning to be content with your own situation is the best way, but be mindful to change what you need to, or can, to reach that contentment.

Dolly17 sounds like you had a similar 2 year adjustment period to mine. I had therapy too and at first felt that defined me as ‘broken’. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to go through these struggles and could just embrace the new me? I started writing a blog which I found to be strangely cathartic on the one hand but it also gives me a creative outlet. It feels close to getting back to work, especially when I set myself goals to achieve. We definitely need to be kinder to ourselves and to find a purpose in life.

I retired after my DM passed away and left me with enough cash to retire at 64 and pay off the mortgage. I was also caring for my mum and working full time.

The first year was just a happy release, and a sad realisation that I no longer had any parents on this earth.

This past year has been so much better. We have 3 adult children still at home, and four dogs, three of which belong to our daughter. No time to be bored. Fairly large Victorian terrace always needing work, couple of close friends who are retired too and living close by, lots to do and see. No time to be lonely.

Feeling absolutely blessed I’m retired, looking forward to state pension in December and spending yet more time time with friends and family. I love being retired now!