Retiring as a solo female

No, I loved it from the day I didn’t have to get up and rush off to be at work at 8 am. I did join a couple of social groups and I still go to them. At first I used to have lots and lots of coffees with ex workmates but that dropped off after a couple of years. I still see some but only a couple of times a year now. I do quite a few craft activities and used to go to U3A to do that. Not now, can’t be bothered with the formality of it and paying fees to sit around. I am very involved with Probus which has a lot of daytime activities.

I through myself into doing my garden, holidays etc. Lockdown I realised I was on my own, I didn’t have a bubble. It’s been hard for me as my beloved d had estranged me and my husband had died. I think you have to try new things, go for a walk or get out every day, take up a hobby and travel or get about if you’re able to see new places and soon your day becomes busy, so much so you don’t know how you fitted work in. However I still have many times when I feel lonely so I recognise that and take myself out but I am generally comfortable being alone too.

I found the hardest thing was to realise I didn't have to "do something". I learnt to relax, read a book listen, to the birds sing.

I didn't struggle with anything. It was wonderful to have the freedom to do just as I please and not have to stick to a routine.

“Nobody cares what you do or when you do it”
This was said to me very recently by a gentleman, admittedly regarding bereavement rather than retirement.
It can be lonely or liberating, but true.

The most difficult thing I found about retirement was adjusting to a slower pace without having to charge around all over the place. From the beginning, I made it a rule to go for a walk every day which I'm still, after 15 years and weather permitting, still maintaining though the distance is getting shorter. I like to be able to think back at the end of the day about something I've done, be it ever such a small thing like attending an art exhibition, pottering in the garden, researching on the web something I'm interested in (oh the time I spend down rabbit holes!) or doing some craft work.

So far, though I live on my own I haven't felt lonely but I've always enjoyed my own company. I tried a few group activities such as U3A but it didn't feel right for me, in fact I found it made me feel lonely. I'm fortunate to have friendly neighbours, a DD who phones or messages regularly not to forget a very bossy cat who keeps my on my toes!

The first full week of retirement I went swimming every day, I was determined to get myself fit and even joined the gym. After a few weeks I got an infected tooth and put it down to the swimming and the bacteria in the water. So that stopped. I then started walking every morning as soon as I was up. This was much more enjoyable and do-able and I felt so much better, I had surgery recently and have now lost the motivation to get up and go out, though I shall get myself back into it.
I got involved in church things which kept me busy, saw family and friends, but really my life is now a very modest affair.
I have put on weight, feel frustrated and sometimes lonely, but most of all I miss my work where I felt useful and needed.
My self-confidence has taken a hit and I know this is not the retirement I had envisaged.
I don't have as much money as I thought I would and low finances have added even more to the disinterest in things.
Sorry to be on a downer but I worked fifty years for this?
I try to make the most of every day and I am very busy and sociable but, I still need that indefinable something to get back my joie de vivre!

Keeping quiet, what about a part-time job, if you are able? Or voluntary work?

I didn't retire until I was 74. As son as I stopped enjoying my work I phased myself out by going part time and taking up some voluntary work. Worked a treat. I then phased myself out of the vol in due course. I'm now a lady who lunches regularly and loves it. Happy days indeed.

I took early retirement just over 2 years ago, I was no longer enjoying my job and recognised the stress was affecting my mental health. I was surprised to feel somewhat bereft at first, without the structure and value I got at work, and my 2 lovely sons grown and no longer my responsibility, I didn't know what my purpose in life was anymore. After 6 months I found a part time job which I largely enjoyed, but again was stressful and I realised wasn't the answer. I gave up that job to work on me. I needed to rest and decide what I wanted to do - something I've not done my entire life. I had some therapy, slowed down, learned to be kind to myself. I'm still a work in progress but enjoy each day as it comes. It's nice to spend some time with friends and family but I've cut ties with some people who weren't good for me. I enjoy my own company and have rediscovered knitting, sewing and arts and crafts. I'm obsessed with gardening which I had no I interest in at all before lockdown. I no longer miss working, the joy of knowing my time is my own to do with as I wish is an absolute luxury. I don't have a lot of money to play with, but the trade off is worth it.

Keepingquiet, I know exactly what you mean. I worked all my life, brought up my daughters alone after divorcing when they were young. Can’t believe that after all that I’m surviving on the state pension plus 2 tiny pensions from my employment. Part time work isn’t an option for me as I’m in the benefits trap. I get help with my rent, so I’d have to work at least 20 hours a week before I started seeing any extra money. And before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I’m of the ‘entitled’ type, I used to own my own home and worked hard to pay my mortgage and give my daughters a good life. I was a nurse working long hours on my feet and exhausted by the time I got home. I sold my house once my daughters had moved out to help them get on the property ladder themselves, so they effectively had their inheritance very early. I didn’t really give too much thought to where that would leave me once I was retired. I was earning a good salary at the time, certainly enough to rent a one bed place for myself . If I hadn’t sold when I did, I would have lost my house anyway during COVID as I worked freelance, so wouldn’t have been furloughed plus I was diagnosed with breast cancer just before the first lockdown. So really I retired 2 years early. It’s such a shock once you get over the novelty of ‘living a life of leisure’. My life revolved around work, my social life stemmed from socialising with colleagues, so I felt cut adrift. I imagine it’s so much easier as a couple as you have a constant companion and can literally go anywhere and not look odd. It’s taken me 2 years to realise women are still vibrant and full of life in their 60s and shouldn’t be written off. I no longer feel I’m sitting in a waiting room waiting to pop my clogs. It’s just a pity that it’s so hard being on your own. It feels like you’re continuing your struggles from before retirement, just in a different way.

I retired after my DM passed away and left me with enough cash to retire at 64 and pay off the mortgage. I was also caring for my mum and working full time.

The first year was just a happy release, and a sad realisation that I no longer had any parents on this earth.

This past year has been so much better. We have 3 adult children still at home, and four dogs, three of which belong to our daughter. No time to be bored. Fairly large Victorian terrace always needing work, couple of close friends who are retired too and living close by, lots to do and see. No time to be lonely.

Feeling absolutely blessed I’m retired, looking forward to state pension in December and spending yet more time time with friends and family. I love being retired now!

Dolly17 sounds like you had a similar 2 year adjustment period to mine. I had therapy too and at first felt that defined me as ‘broken’. Wouldn’t it be lovely if we didn’t have to go through these struggles and could just embrace the new me? I started writing a blog which I found to be strangely cathartic on the one hand but it also gives me a creative outlet. It feels close to getting back to work, especially when I set myself goals to achieve. We definitely need to be kinder to ourselves and to find a purpose in life.

leapyearnan I hope you learn to adjust, you deserve it after working so hard and giving your DDs such a brilliant start in life. I'm feeling content with my lot at the moment but know that could change, so I try find something good in every day. I used to worry if my diary for the coming weeks looked bare, but usually things crop up, and if they don't I make sure I do something enjoyable on my own. During the winter I had little project of visiting local museums and galleries. I love an afternoon at the cinema by myself, seeing a film I know no one else would want to see. Or I'll contact people if I need company (and not take it personally if they're not free!).

I'm sure retiring as a couple has its challenges, but I think it's much harder when you're on your own. You can spend days without seeing other people, so it often takes effort to have some company. Learning to be content with your own situation is the best way, but be mindful to change what you need to, or can, to reach that contentment.

Retired Jan 24 and still very much adjusting ...enjoy not being accountable to anyone or anything if you're in good health that's a blessing ...

I have little to contribute, other than a suggestion that helps some of my friends caught in the 'benefit trap'. If you volunteer at things like Country Parks, theatres, concert venues etc. you are normally rewarded with free tickets / free entry. Sometimes you get a drink or lunch thrown in.

It’s probably, overall, easier to be a couple than solo, but believe me I often yearn for true peace and quiet and being a retired couple does bring its challenges.

I was single for decades too, only meeting and marrying in my 30’s so was very used to do things alone.

I retired 12 years ago and don't miss work at all. I meet up with colleagues I had a few times a year.
I always have an early walk. I meet people I've got to know through walking and have a chat. It starts the morning off well. I can recommend a walk if you are able.
I have plenty of hobbies and take myself off on the bus or in the car to different places, have a coffee and a browse. I really enjoy doing that.
I think the main thing is to keep occupied with things you enjoy. I am rarely lonely but I know it's an uncomfortable feeling but like sadness and happiness it does pass.

Leapyearnan I have been retired (early) for coming on six years. I have lived alone for a long time so that part didn't bother me. Like others, I realised how resilient I was during the lockdown. I know I can be content with my own company. I gave myself projects to do, such as moving house, then organising improvements in the house and the garden. This helped me morph from work to retirement and a slightly slower pace of life. I do look after my dgc two days a week. I learn Spanish and I took up art and attend classes. Often I will arrange to meet friends for breakfast/coffee/lunch. I try to be proactive in that, so I'm not always waiting for the phone to ring. I'm sure I could be much more active, but I worked really hard for years, so I enjoy the freedom. I hope you find happiness and contentment in retirement.

Grandmabatty Thank you. Sounds like you’ve set yourself up well. I’ve been reading that it can take 2 years or more to feel comfortable. I suppose another way of looking at it is that if you’re mourning the loss of your career, as I was, you have to go through a period of mourning to come out better on the other side. I've been researching this for my blog and also found looking at different personality types makes you realise why some people take to retirement better than others. I’d lived on my own for years, and loved it, but for me the loss of my career and the companionship of colleagues was tough. You also assume you’re the only one who feels bad. Now I’m keeping myself busy with my blog and courses, etc., I find I don’t feel lonely any more. What’s also apparent is that society in general believes that being a social butterfly is the norm and anything less is lacking. I much prefer the company of my gorgeous little Cavapoo to moody, fickle humans! 😁

Nannarose that’s a good tip thank you!

Leapyearnan- thankyou. I'm not retired a year yet so I think you have to have to take time to adjust.

I am sure as this is mu first full summer being retired (whenever it starts lol!) I will start to get out and enjoy.

This weekend I'm off to the seaside with family so I'm sure just getting out in the fresh air will do me good and give me time to think.

The most important thing is I still have my health and that matters above all.

Good for you leapyearnan!

I still miss my work colleagues ( well, some of them) and because I was a receptionist the chats I used to have with people when I was booking them in.