Retiring as a solo female

Keepingquiet, I know exactly what you mean. I worked all my life, brought up my daughters alone after divorcing when they were young. Can’t believe that after all that I’m surviving on the state pension plus 2 tiny pensions from my employment. Part time work isn’t an option for me as I’m in the benefits trap. I get help with my rent, so I’d have to work at least 20 hours a week before I started seeing any extra money. And before anyone jumps to the conclusion that I’m of the ‘entitled’ type, I used to own my own home and worked hard to pay my mortgage and give my daughters a good life. I was a nurse working long hours on my feet and exhausted by the time I got home. I sold my house once my daughters had moved out to help them get on the property ladder themselves, so they effectively had their inheritance very early. I didn’t really give too much thought to where that would leave me once I was retired. I was earning a good salary at the time, certainly enough to rent a one bed place for myself . If I hadn’t sold when I did, I would have lost my house anyway during COVID as I worked freelance, so wouldn’t have been furloughed plus I was diagnosed with breast cancer just before the first lockdown. So really I retired 2 years early. It’s such a shock once you get over the novelty of ‘living a life of leisure’. My life revolved around work, my social life stemmed from socialising with colleagues, so I felt cut adrift. I imagine it’s so much easier as a couple as you have a constant companion and can literally go anywhere and not look odd. It’s taken me 2 years to realise women are still vibrant and full of life in their 60s and shouldn’t be written off. I no longer feel I’m sitting in a waiting room waiting to pop my clogs. It’s just a pity that it’s so hard being on your own. It feels like you’re continuing your struggles from before retirement, just in a different way.

I took early retirement just over 2 years ago, I was no longer enjoying my job and recognised the stress was affecting my mental health. I was surprised to feel somewhat bereft at first, without the structure and value I got at work, and my 2 lovely sons grown and no longer my responsibility, I didn't know what my purpose in life was anymore. After 6 months I found a part time job which I largely enjoyed, but again was stressful and I realised wasn't the answer. I gave up that job to work on me. I needed to rest and decide what I wanted to do - something I've not done my entire life. I had some therapy, slowed down, learned to be kind to myself. I'm still a work in progress but enjoy each day as it comes. It's nice to spend some time with friends and family but I've cut ties with some people who weren't good for me. I enjoy my own company and have rediscovered knitting, sewing and arts and crafts. I'm obsessed with gardening which I had no I interest in at all before lockdown. I no longer miss working, the joy of knowing my time is my own to do with as I wish is an absolute luxury. I don't have a lot of money to play with, but the trade off is worth it.

I didn't retire until I was 74. As son as I stopped enjoying my work I phased myself out by going part time and taking up some voluntary work. Worked a treat. I then phased myself out of the vol in due course. I'm now a lady who lunches regularly and loves it. Happy days indeed.

Keeping quiet, what about a part-time job, if you are able? Or voluntary work?

The first full week of retirement I went swimming every day, I was determined to get myself fit and even joined the gym. After a few weeks I got an infected tooth and put it down to the swimming and the bacteria in the water. So that stopped. I then started walking every morning as soon as I was up. This was much more enjoyable and do-able and I felt so much better, I had surgery recently and have now lost the motivation to get up and go out, though I shall get myself back into it.
I got involved in church things which kept me busy, saw family and friends, but really my life is now a very modest affair.
I have put on weight, feel frustrated and sometimes lonely, but most of all I miss my work where I felt useful and needed.
My self-confidence has taken a hit and I know this is not the retirement I had envisaged.
I don't have as much money as I thought I would and low finances have added even more to the disinterest in things.
Sorry to be on a downer but I worked fifty years for this?
I try to make the most of every day and I am very busy and sociable but, I still need that indefinable something to get back my joie de vivre!

The most difficult thing I found about retirement was adjusting to a slower pace without having to charge around all over the place. From the beginning, I made it a rule to go for a walk every day which I'm still, after 15 years and weather permitting, still maintaining though the distance is getting shorter. I like to be able to think back at the end of the day about something I've done, be it ever such a small thing like attending an art exhibition, pottering in the garden, researching on the web something I'm interested in (oh the time I spend down rabbit holes!) or doing some craft work.

So far, though I live on my own I haven't felt lonely but I've always enjoyed my own company. I tried a few group activities such as U3A but it didn't feel right for me, in fact I found it made me feel lonely. I'm fortunate to have friendly neighbours, a DD who phones or messages regularly not to forget a very bossy cat who keeps my on my toes!

“Nobody cares what you do or when you do it”
This was said to me very recently by a gentleman, admittedly regarding bereavement rather than retirement.
It can be lonely or liberating, but true.

I didn't struggle with anything. It was wonderful to have the freedom to do just as I please and not have to stick to a routine.

I found the hardest thing was to realise I didn't have to "do something". I learnt to relax, read a book listen, to the birds sing.

I through myself into doing my garden, holidays etc. Lockdown I realised I was on my own, I didn’t have a bubble. It’s been hard for me as my beloved d had estranged me and my husband had died. I think you have to try new things, go for a walk or get out every day, take up a hobby and travel or get about if you’re able to see new places and soon your day becomes busy, so much so you don’t know how you fitted work in. However I still have many times when I feel lonely so I recognise that and take myself out but I am generally comfortable being alone too.

No, I loved it from the day I didn’t have to get up and rush off to be at work at 8 am. I did join a couple of social groups and I still go to them. At first I used to have lots and lots of coffees with ex workmates but that dropped off after a couple of years. I still see some but only a couple of times a year now. I do quite a few craft activities and used to go to U3A to do that. Not now, can’t be bothered with the formality of it and paying fees to sit around. I am very involved with Probus which has a lot of daytime activities.